The Phoenix of My Soul
by Haruka321
Summary: Remake of "You Set My Soul On Fire". The beautiful shelf life of Sora and Axel, from the time they were manufactured to their expiration date. This fic contains: Drugs (and lots of it), violence (tons of it), and sexual themes (a potluck of it). So it is rated "M" for mature audiences.
1. Chapter 1

**Summer 2013**

**Destiny Islands**

"Sora, get up your going to be late!"

My radio alarm excessively beats out techno across the warm room. My eyes finally begin to open slowly as the volume increases.

"Come on hun, it's the last day...How hard can it be?" I hear my mothers voice from the other side of the door.

_How hard can it be...?_

"Ahh...fuck..."I groan, wiping my eyes.

Yeah.

"I'm up...!" I yell out from under the sheets.

"Hurry, your cereal is getting soggy." I hear mom's soft footsteps disappear down towards Roxas' room.

I throw the warm sheets off me and jump up.

She's right. It is the last day. In fact, the _very_ last day of highschool. How hard can it be to face Riku this one last time?

_...Fuck...who am I kidding? I'm a mess. I can't..._

I walk over to my radio alarm clock and stare at it before I give it a yank straight off the wall. After brushing my teeth and getting dressed I jump down the stairs and head straight into the kitchen where my Roxas and my bowl of soggy cereal awaits me.

I lift the spoon from the bowl once before deciding that it's a no go for breakfast today. Roxas is leaning across the counter with a bagel in hand eying me up and down. His dirty blonde hair just as disheveled as mine.

We're just like twins, everyone says.

"What?"

"You've been wearing the same black outfit for a week now. You're starting to scare everyone at school. People think you're going mad, like you're gonna try to take everyone out today. You know..." He makes a gun with his fingers.

I sigh, "I haven't had time for laundry."

"Bull..."He sings out.

We both begin to walk towards the front door.

"Bye mom!" We both yell up the stairs before walking out.

The sun was in the middle of rising above the horizon, brightening up all the small island homes. We sit in my car and wait for it to warm up.

"So what you're like a goth now? Shit-y music if you ask me, been there done that." Roxas comments.

"Glad you find some humor in my situation..."

"I'm sorry. It's just that...well, it is only a break-up. You and Riku were together for a long ass time but hell, it's time to move on. It's been like, what, two months since the break up now?"

"After being with him for four fucking years, two months tends to feel like two days."  
Roxas shakes his head, chuckling.

"I think you need to hit this."

"What...?"

I look over to see Roxas trying to light his fucking joint in my car and push his head over.

"Don't light that crap in my car Roxas...!" I yelled.  
"What?" He laughs as though it's a joke.

"I'm depressed, not a druggie."

"Whatever...I ain't no druggie..." He replies almost defensively as he sparked up his joint and began puffing.

"I hate you." I reach into the glove department and grab my heavy duty scarf, wrapping it around my mouth and nose as to not get high off of second hand smoke.

Call me whatever you want.

He starts to laugh away at me all the while taking huge hits off of his joint.

"I don't know how you can stand the smell of that shit, you're gross."  
"Fuck you, you're gross."

He makes the smoke ballon in his mouth, drawing it back in through his nostrils.

I shake my head.

I would try getting through to Roxas that drugs are no way to live but he's as stubborn as a goat. I care about him a lot, and we actually get along great when I'm not as depressed, it's just the drugs.

The goddamned drugs.

Drugs kind of ruined our childhood.

Our 'dad' is a huge meth fiend.

And we've been living in a meth lab on and off for years.

"Hey Sora...you wanna know something cool?"  
"What?"  
He takes one last huge rip off of his joint before blowing smoke onto the side of my face.

"You get the highest when it's blown in your ears!"

"Roxas! What the fuck?!"  
"Haha you deserved it you dick! Don't worry I'm sure your super scarf will protect you from reefer madness." He bellows.

"Wh-what about the ear thing!?"  
"What about it? I was just fucking with you. You don't really believe you can get high through having smoke in your ears, do ya?" He chuckles and it makes me want to deck him in the face.

**-x-**

Me and Roxas debate all the way from home into the school on whether I should be putting suspicious smoke in my lungs or not. It was rather annoying to hear his defense on the subject.

"All I'm saying, is that you'll probably be able to make a little sense of all the bullshit in your life if you'd just pick up a pipe."

"Yeah, lets say I pick up a pipe and decide to start killing people. What then?"

Roxas throws up his hands as he begins to walk off, "Don't take my word for it!"

The hallways are bustling with excited students walking to and from lockers and classrooms. The aroma of shitty processed breakfast is wafting through the air. It's obvious that the focus of today is summer.

"Sora!" I hear Kairi as she hugs me from behind.  
"You bum!"

"Hey."  
"You still down in the dumps?" She holds my arm as we walk to my locker.

"I had a little fight with myself last night on whether I should hang myself so yeah I suppose you could say I'm still hanging out in the dumps."

She pouts, "Sora..."  
I shake my head, "It's fine. I'm fine. I just need this day to end so summer lovin' can begin." I dig into myself and pull out a smile that never seems to fail public eyes.

"That's my Sora! Look, I know you aren't going to the grad party but after it's over you're welcome to come over to my place watch some films with Namine and I."

"Don't worry about me, I've gotta run a bunch of errands after the graduation so I'll probably be knocked out by the time the party's over."

She frowns, "Okay. Well you know you can come over at anytime, don't hesitate."

The bell rings as I throw my backpack in the locker.

"I won't, you know me Kairi." I smile once again.

"Okay, I gotta head to class, see you at lunch."

She gives me a quick hug before she scuttles off to class.

I lean up against my locker for a second. Hayner should be here. He should be here skipping with me. But instead he's all the way in Twilight Town, righting his wrongs because he can't control his temper.

I feel so alone...

I take my backpack out from the locker again and head straight to the boys bathroom. It was empty.

Inside the stench was like usual, piss, shit, and a bit of sweat to bring it all together. I claim the cleanest stall and take a seat, pulling my legs up close to my chest.

The tears want to come out, but I'm not sure if there's any left. So I just grip my hair tight.

"I wish...why don't you love me Riku...?" I thought to myself.

Me and Riku had something special. At least I thought so...

Four years we were together. And in those four years I thought our relationship had grown to become golden. You could imagine the look on my face when I discovered all the messages him and some girl had been exchanging for a year.

Even then...I said I wanted to fix it.

But I...

He left me.

He left me for her and that was it.

I hear someone walk into the stall next to me. I look down to try to identify who the person was by the shoes.

Grey chuck taylors. A student I guess.

The person pulls their legs up and they don't meet the floor again.

I begin to get nervous, who else is skipping class next to me?

"Skippin' class?" I hear the voice drone out next to me.

I chuckle, "Yup...Skippin'."

"What's the matter with you? Last day of school and you can't even get through your classes? You know they don't make you do anything too hard on the last day, right?"

As peeved as I was becoming with this stranger next to me already...I was drawn to him.

Maybe it was my need to just...vent.

"I know that. I'm graduating from this shit hole. It's having to look at my shit ex what's got my hiding in here. I can't take it anymore..."

I catch how aggravated I'm getting with the direction the conversation is heading and I offer up an apology.

"I-I'm sorry. I've had a shit day for two months now."

"It's cool."

"You ever been in love...?"  
He laughs, "Not even close. What's her name?"

I hesitate to correct him because I'm having an alright time getting it all out. I don't want it to end just because I'm a faggot.

I'm not up for drama.

"...His name...?" I say loud so there's no room for question.

What I expected next was a gag.

A scream.

A few hurtful words, maybe him coming out to try and clobber me in the stall.

But all I hear is a, "Oh."  
"Sorry if I weirded you out."

"You didn't weird me out, gay is gay. It's 2013, who the fuck cares?"  
We laugh.

"So why are you skipping...?" I ask, a bit embarrassed of my confession now.

"Oh me? I'm not skipping."

"What do you mean?"

"I used to go to this school, just dropped by to see people I haven't seen since I left."

"You graduate?"  
"Nope, I went to prison."

"Prison? For what?"  
"Don't worry, I'm not a murderer hiding out in a highschool. I was in there for two years. Arson."

"Jesus really?"

"Yep. They threw me in and threw away the key. Just got out last month but I haven't decided to tell any of my old buddies yet. Still dealing with adjustments. I thought I could handle being in a building surrounded by tons of fucking people walking all around me but I was wrong. So I decided to just come in here and hide out, I don't really like it."

"That sucks, I'm sorry."  
"Aw, it's alright. I've payed the price and now I'm free. If anyone really gives two shits they'll find me. Anyways, I'm getting a bit tired of sitting on these shit holes, wanna get some food? It's on me, I'ma rich man now." He teases and I see his feet meet the yellow piss stained ground again.

"Rich man?"  
"Well, a few grand richer than I was when I left. I'll explain later."

I do and I don't want this bathroom confessional to end.

This kid moves fast.

"You sure you want to hang out with me? My appearance is a downer."

"Pssh, I look like a clown. I make children in the street cry. I'm gonna stand on the toilet seat and get a good look at ya."

I push my heavy brown locks from my eyes and look over towards the top of the stall, anticipating the stranger to look over.

And he does.

And I know who it is.

His grin widens, "Hey it's you!"

Son of a bitch.

Axel.

I roll my eyes, "And it's you."  
"You can't say you're not happy that it's me." He crosses his arms over on the edge of the stall.

**-x-**

"So, the guy you were talking about was Riku, am I right?" We sat in my car in the parking lot of a burger joint a few minutes away from school.

I take the top off and begin to dig into the burger that Axel so happily bought me.

"Yup. He found someone else he was happier with." I state as I throw the pickles out onto the parking lot floor.

He shrugs, "Eh, saw it comin'."  
"Gee thanks."  
Axel shakes his head, "You're not as miserable as you may think you are. It's a blessing that you broke up with the dude as soon as you did."  
"You're only saying this because you hate Riku."  
"Yeah, but also because I know a thing or two. You'll see how much better being single is."

I glance over at Axel.

He looks better than he did two years ago.

Happier, I mean.

He was into drugs when he left. Was always shaky, sweating, angry. He was a bigger asshole than he is now.

It's funny, I never thought I'd hang out with Axel like this. I never thought he'd be this easy to talk to.

His red fiery hair was pulled back in a low pony tail, showing his striking features off. Those emeralds shone beautifully...

"I'm serious, being single is the shit. The longest I've ever been in a relationship was six fucking months-"

I scoff, "Kid..."  
"Kid? Kid? Those were the hardest months of my life. Never again. Larxene the ant queen..." He quivers in his seat, "So, what are you up to tonight?"  
I finish chewing my bite of food, "Graduating."  
"Oh yeah. Fuck Sora stop being so sad. Seriously! You're graduating?" He shakes his head.

"It doesn't matter when you've got a broken heart."  
"Yeah well broken hearts are nothing new. You've got a car, a family, an education. You've probably got your university all set up and shit too huh?"

"Twilight."  
"See?"  
I smile at his attempts to cheer me up.

"What are you doing after graduation?"

"I'm hanging myself."  
"Nope. You're chilling with me"  
"You?"

Axel pushes both his thumbs into his chest, "Me."

"And do what, kill off my brain cells?"  
"I don't know what you have against partying, but whatever your parents taught you is going to be redacted by midnight."

"I'm not partying." I lean back in my seat and look up, my face bathing in the sunlight.

Axel tilts his head and pinches my cheek, "You're so cute when you don't know what's coming to you."

"Fuck you."

**-x-**

"So you're hanging out tonight right? Right? Right?" He pushes on as we pull into the school parking lot.

"Maybe Axel. Maybe."

"Awesome, I'll see you after graduation."

I laugh, "Cool."

The silence in the car was almost too much to stand, thank god he spoke again.  
"So if I go there you're gonna be hanging around looking for me right?"  
I sigh and take a pen out of the glove compartment.

I scribble my number on his arm, "So if you get antsy you can call me."

We step out of the car and hold a gaze before I break it.

"So I'll see you later tonight then."

"Right, see you later Sora." And like that he begins to walk off.

"Bye."  
"Bye. Keep your head up okay!"  
I give him a thumbs up before locking my doors and rushing back into school.

**-x-**

Last period was the hardest. Art.

Me and Riku once sat side by side, but now we sat on opposite sides of the room.

Namine on his side and Kairi on mine, so our friend group isn't shaken up too badly.

Since today was the last day we were left to draw, paint, sculpt, really anything that didn't have to do with the teacher talking to us.

I didn't let my eyes leave the paper once I began to sketch.

A duck, a dog, and a mouse in this crazy fantasy land. In a way my really good friends...

A land I wouldn't mind living in if it meant I didn't have to bother with Riku.

"Hey Sora, can I ask you something?"

I raise a brow, "Yeah?"  
She leans in and whispers in my ear, "Where were you today? It was like you disappeared after I saw you this morning."

"I skipped."  
Kairi gasps, "Sora you never skip."

"Yeah I do."

"That was a _long_ time ago, before Hayner got arrested."

"Well..."  
"With who...?"  
I slowly turn my head towards her.

"Let me ask you this, what do you already know?" I tap the end of my pencil against the desk, feeling her expressions out.  
"Well...uhm...okay! Roxas and I saw you with Axel...was it...you know...Axel?"  
I nod my head.

She gasps/

"You actually hung out with him?"

"Yeah."  
"So...I mean...how? And why?"  
"Well...I don't know. We just got to talking and he offered to buy me lunch. So we got lunch."

"Wow." That was all Kairi could muster up before she plopped down in her chair.

I guess it's such a surprise because I'm straight-edge and he's like a spiral. I don't like to surround myself with people who intoxicate themselves (except Roxas, but that's more of an obligation I have toward him), but I guess it's time for a change.

Once the bell rings I quickly make my way out of the classroom. I could've been faster because Riku stops me.  
"Sora."  
"Hey." I try to keep walking but he holds my wrist.

"I saw you with Axel."  
"And?"

"Well...I mean, what were you doing with him?"  
I snatch my wrist away from him, "What do you care?"

"Sora...just because I'm not with you doesn't mean that I don't want to be in your life still."  
"How can you say that when you fucked me over?"

"I know it doesn't make any sense...I know. I still care about you Sora. Axel is a bad seed...you know this-"  
"-You made me get it through my head that we weren't together when you dumped me on my birthday. Why don't you get it through your head that I don't have to tell you shit. You don't need to be in my life after how bad you hurt me."  
"Fine then. I guess that settles it."  
I swallow, "Yeah, it does."

I don't even realize it, but I'm running.

I run out of the school into the parking lot and jam the keys in the ignition so hard I thought the key had broken off inside of it. The tears flow harder than I've ever let them in public and I peel the fuck out of the parking lot before anyone notices.

**-x-**

I've been at the northern beach where graduation is being held for an hour now, watching people set up.

I knew if I went home I wouldn't have the spirit to get up again. They'd all gather around my door afterward to figure out what my problem was.

So I sat there, alone on the hood of my car with my yellow cap and gown on.

**-x-**

It was a struggle to smile when confronted with friends and family yet again, but I managed to pull it off. Maybe I faked it a bit better knowing that someone wanted to hang out with me for reasons other than the fear that I might off myself.

So there I stood. With a big fucking grin on my face.

Fuck Riku.

We stood in a long line, our names being called out one by one.

My nerves tingle and my grin becomes more true to itself.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't happy that I was graduating.

They finally call out my name and Namine slaps my butt, "That's my boy!" She jokes as I walk out. I accept my diploma and punch the sky with my fist as I hear applauds and whistles out from the crowd.

Those few seconds were over fast but the smile stayed long after the ceremony was over.

After pictures with the family and friends I stay behind, my excuse being that I'm going to help take down crap.

Once Roxas and my mother left I check my phone.

**-x-**

The walk to my car is the loneliest. I always imagined that I would be walking cheerfully away from graduation with Riku and the rest. We would spend our last days of summer on Destiny Islands hanging out at our secret getaway, beating the crap out of eachother with wooden swords, writing our secrets within the cave, building a crap boat and indulging in the paopu fruit. Setting off fireworks and running around until dawn...

I see Axel leaning on the trunk of my blue ride, eyes focused on nothing more but the twilight skies.

How I grew a liking towards Axel in this short period of time is beyond my comprehension.

"Hey." Axel flashes a smile that nearly melts my heart.

Not quiet yet...

**-x-**

"How was your graduation?"

I huff, "It was quick and easy. Not as bad as I originally thought."

As we drive through the streets I take down the hood of my car. The just cool wind passes through my hair and brings on a new calm.

Axel begins to light a cigarette.

I would let him in on the no smoking policy but what do I care anymore?

"So what do you want to do tonight?" Axel asks.

"What do you mean?"

"Well..."He looks up thoughtfully.

"What are you open to?" He inquires with a devilish grin.

"I-I don't know-"

"-Oh come on Sora! You know just exactly what you want to do so why don't you just say it?" He comes to life and it makes me laugh a little.

I hold my tongue, not sure what to reply with.

"Soraaa..." He continues on.

"I need to go to my house first. Okay?"

**-x-**

"Oh Sora you're home so soon! I thought you went to the graduation party with your friends."  
My mother sits up on the peach couch as she sets her drink down. Donny is no where to be found.

Probably in the basement slamming meth.

"No, I have a change of plans. Where's Roxas?"  
"Upstairs. He's already started his routine summer gaming schedule, whatever the hell that is."

My mom is a sweetheart, she really is. She and my father had a pretty solid relationship until Roxas was born. He figured two brunettes don't produce a blonde and decided to look into it more. Turns out she had a one night stand right around the time I was born with her ex. Roxas was born nine months later and my father decided to stick around because bottom line was that if he didn't take care of us then Donny would.

So instead of leaving mom when we were born he left after he established a meaningful relationship with Roxas and I when we were around eight.

So he could increase the shock factor I guess, fuck if I know.

I kick off my shoes and jacket before I climb up the carpeted stairs to head into my room.

The blue and yellow blocky alarm clock layed still amongst a clutter of clothing on the floor. I move over to the brown wooden dresser by the foot of my bed and open it carefully as to not knock over all the photos and random items that rested upon it.

I strip off all my clothing and dig out a pair of underwear and my non depressing clothing.

A pair of jeans and a white t-shirt.

Before heading back downstairs I go down the hall toward Roxas' room. I could hear music from his games echoing down the halls.

"Roxas." I say as I walk in. The room is heavily clouded with pot smoke as him and Pence sat straight across the television set. In between them rests a small white and blue glass piece filled with half burnt weed. I pull my shirt over my nose and walk to his bathroom.

"What do you want?" Roxas asks but I can tell he doesn't really care.

"Sup Sora." Pence says, not taking his eyes off of the t.v.

"Hey Pence. Roxas I need something out of your bathroom." I open the door and make my way over the the sink. I pop open his mirror cabinet and saw the norm. Toothpaste, a few condoms, an untouched brush and a few orange pill bottles.

"Hey, 'the fuck are you doing in there?" He called out from the room.

"What's that stuff you take that makes you all calm and shit?" I look at the three bottles.

"It's called weed, what you finally want a hit?" He and Pence begin to snort from the room as I start opening his bottles up.

"I'm serious. Which one of these did your doctor give you?"

"No, I'm serious..." I hear him get up.

He opens the bathroom door and takes the bottles from me.

"Give me these...what, you want an anti-anxiety?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"Sora Sora Sora...you really should be smoking with us instead of taking pills. You sure you don't want to smoke?"

He's about to hand me them before he pulls his arm back," Ten bucks."  
"Fuck off-"  
"-Okay here."  
He hands me four tiny blue pills.

"Xanies. Don't take 'em all at once. Take one and only one."  
"What if I don't feel anything?"  
Roxas smiles, "Then you should dump them in the trash and pick up a pipe."

We walk back into the room where Pence is fiddling around with the game controller.

"Quit fucking with the game options, piggy. Cheater." He sneers.

"Fuck you too twiggy pop. Hey what are you up to tonight Sora?" Pence asks before hitting the pipe and passing it to Roxas.

"Nothing just gonna go hang out with Axel."  
"Axel? Hey don't smoke with him!"

"What? Axel? You're gonna go smoke with him? Don't smoke with him smoke with us!"

"Yeah smoke with us that's what I'm saying!"

"I'm not gonna smoke with anyone!" I try to clear up the confusion.

"We're just gonna go hang out."

"Yeah and get high off of my pills..." Roxas hits his pipe again and blows heavy smoke my way.

"Since when did you get high Sora?"

"Since today. I gotta go, you guys talk too much. Later."

"Later."  
"Peace."

**-x-**

I rush downstairs and bid my mom a farewell before hoping in the car.

Axel leans over and gets a good whiff of me.

He laughs, "You reek."  
"That's Roxas and Pence gaming."

"So, how's life been since you've gotten back?"  
He shrugs, "Alright. A lot more boring than before I left, that's for sure."

"Any new found goals?"

"Obviously. I want to move."  
"Move?"  
"Yeah, but before that I need to get into a business."  
"You mean get a job?"  
He chuckles, "Yeah...a job. For now I think I'm pretty safe. My mom hit the jackpot. One herself a ton of cash and now she's a business woman. She's goes all over the world doing random crap while me and Hiro sit at home eating her excess food and using her electricity. Life's not half bad now."

"What have you guys been doing since you got out?"  
Axel grins, "Hanging out just like the good ole times. We even share a room."

"I'd never be able to share a room with Roxas."

"It's easier when you've had two years away from the person."

**-x-**

Axel's home was large but not overly glamorous. The porch lights were off.

I follow him to the top of the stairs where there was a girl sitting down.

"Who are you?" Axel asks.

"Hiro said to meet him at his place around nine. I've been here for almost an hour waiting for that asshole!"

"Alright, let me go get him."  
"Thanks."  
We walk in and shut the door behind us.

"Hiro gets all types of crazy broads now, it's as though we've switched places."

I follow him upstairs into a room off on the right. A small lamp illuminated the room. On the bottom bunk of his bed layed Hiro, Axels little brother. I would have never guessed them to be brothers until Roxas told me one day. Hiro has the same facial features as Axel's, but his hair was jet black and short, the complete opposite. Hiro wore bangs that covered his eyes for the most part.

Axel takes off his shoes and throws them at Hiro.

"Ow hey!"  
"Your girlfriends outside waiting for you, she's pissed."  
"What?"  
"I said, your girlfriend is waiting outside for you. Says she's been there for an hour now. She is pissed."  
"Aw shit Kayliee..." He jumps up with a worried expression and rushes down the stairs.

"Make yourself at home."

"You got any water?"

He reaches under the bed and tosses me a water bottle.

"Thanks." I sit down on the floor and open it up.

He leaves the room and I take one blue pill out of my pocket.

"Bottom's up."  
I pop it.

Swallow.

The worst anxiety ensued right after I had swallowed.

I hope I don't lose it and go crazy.

Or do something really embarrassing.

Or die.

Yikes.

To forget about what I had just down I headed over to Axel's T.V where video games layed directly under it. I shuffle through them, finding a few good ones as well as some random action flicks and a few skin flicks.

Nothing I've never seen before, but still, you'd think they would hide this in a better place.

**-x-**

As the night carried on I felt more at ease with myself. Tension and anxiety had slowly crept away and me and Axel were having a pretty good time gaming.

I receive three texts throughout the night from Riku. All that have to do with who I hang out with and who I talk to. It didn't phase me as much as it would have. Usually I'd be stuck texting until my thumbs went numb.

"So you sure you and Riku broke up?"  
"Positive. He's just handling everything weird. We aren't together and he left me. He has a girlfriend but he still thinks that we have to let each other in on what's going on. As if we're just on break."  
"Jeez what an asshole."

"Yup."  
"So when are you gonna share your xanax with me."  
My heart nearly skipped a beat. I turn back to look at Axel beaming.

"It is SO easy to tell."

"Fine. So I took a xanax? So what?"  
"You really took that xanax?"  
I nodded as I pulled out another blue football.

"Enjoy."


	2. Chapter 2

I awake on the ground almost as fast as I fell asleep.

"What the...Oh Goddammit...!"

The game is still playing the annoying digitized beat as our characters stood nearly still. Axel lays a few feet away, knocked out.

Lame. If that's what getting high is like.

I look at my phone and it's close to two in the morning. Instead of waking up Axel, I decide to lay back down.

I sigh, which apparently was enough to wake Axel up.

"...What?" He asks in a daze.

"What?"

"What happened?"  
"I don't know, but if that's what it's like to get high then it's fucking lame."  
"Well, it is only an anti-anxiety." He yawns, scratching the hair band out of his hair.

"If you really want to get high, the easiest and safest way is to smoke some weed."  
"Gross. I can't stand the smell of that shit, I can't even imagine having to taste it."

"It's not that bad, it's like an acquired taste. Like drinking black coffee. Hold on."

Axel grabs a gray jacket before heading into the bathroom for a second.

I notice another text in my phone.

"_I find it funny that you're only hanging out with Axel to make me jealous. Thought you had a little more class than to look for my attention?"_

This is just like Riku.

It's always me, not him.

So far, he's texted me four times without me replying.

Axel reemerges, his hair tied back again.

"Come on."

"What are we doing?"

"We're getting high." He opens his bedroom door.

"Wait."  
"What?" He steps down the stairs, me following behind like a hesitant puppy.

"I don't know about this?"  
"What do you mean?"  
"About getting high."  
"We just did it a few hours ago, the only difference is that you're gonna have fun this time."

Hiro is downstairs on the couch talking on his phone.

Axel taps Hiro over the shoulder and makes a gesture of smoking.

The orange ambiance from the stone fireplace illuminates the dim room. To my right is one large arched glass door that leads to a beautiful view of the patio surrounded by coconut trees and sand. Beyond that lies the sand leading to the dark ocean waves.

Before I can gaze out of the glass doors my phone buzzes and I lurch forward. The pit of my stomach begins to sink because I know who it is.

I flip open my cheap phone and see an unread text from Riku.

...Who would've guessed!

"_Last box of your shit. Get it now or never."  
_

"Are you kidding me...?" I mutter to myself, punching in a new message with much displeasure.

"_What do you mean?"  
"I have the last of your shit in a box. You can pick it up now, or never."_

"_But it's two in the fucking morning."_

"_You're still awake, obviously."_

"_You know, for someone dumped me, you sure are showing colorful bouts of jealousy..."_

I turn my attention back to Axel, who has taken up slapping Hiro around for his own pleasure. "I'm gonna need to drop by Riku's really quick."

"Why?" He asked with a puzzled face, still slapping around Hiro.

"Because if I don't he's gonna throw away my shit."

"Tell him he can burn your shit for all you care. Watch him _rage_." Axel laughs maniacally . I frown, "No, I might have really important stuff over there." He shrugs, "Whatever. Can I come?"  
"Yeah, can you take this firecrotch with yo-ow!" Axel cuts him off with a hard backhand to the mouth.

"You fucking asshole!"  
"Hey!...No name calling." Axel laughs out again.

"No, I think he'd just throw my shit away the minute he saw you with me."  
"Why? Is he _jealous?_ Ha!"

Axel and Riku never got along, but I can say as a victim myself that Riku used to be a bit of a bully. Ironically, I was his first victim. I was the sitting duck. Because of my size compared to him at the time, when we would play warriors he would beat the crap out of me with his wooden sword until I finally hit puberty and was able to beat the crap out of him back. At school it was worse, he'd call me names and actually locked me in a locker once. I was stuck in there for about an hour, the janitor was on his lunch break.

….Why the hell did I go out with that asshole? And for so long...

"It'll only take twenty minutes."

"Alright. Get ready to smoke when you come back."

"Yeah," I chuckle walking back up the stairs," About that, I'm not smoking."  
"Why not? It doesn't hurt."  
"Maybe you can give me a sip of wine. Maybe"

He sticks his tongue out and scoffs, "Wine."

**-x-**

The drive to Riku's was nerve-racking. Riku had made the conscious decision to leave me with all the heartbreak. He has someone to hold at night and to love and give love to, and I'm left with a big pile of shit on my doorstep.

What a fucker.

Atleast, that's what I feel.

I pull up to the curb at the front of his blue and white home. Riku's out, sitting on the steps with a box holding all of my belongings. His fingers are entangled with his beautiful white hair, stroking them through the ends. An absent expression is present on his soft face, almost sadness lingering out of his aquamarine eyes as they watch my car.

_Oh Riku..._

I can't help it, my feelings. Every time I get a sight of him, butterflies set off in my tummy and I-I don't know what to think... How can I be mad when in the end...all I want is to be with him?

I exit my car and walk up the steps with hands in my pocket. I take a seat next to him and lean over to look in the box. Inside are a few boxers, old photos and notes, some overdue library books, random keys and key chains, and my crown necklace.

I swallow, "Thanks for not dumping my shit."

"Why are you hanging out with him?" He comes across domineering in his question. The absent, almost sad expression that he wore is now gone. All I see left in his eyes is anger.

"I just am...he bought me lunch."

"So that means you should automatically stay at his place over night?"

"I-I mean...we're just hanging out."  
"Really? Because it seems like you're just trying to get a rise out of me."

I could no longer hold back my tongue.

"Why in the fuck would I try to get a rise out of you? All I've been trying to do these past two months is get over you! You're always so fucking self-centered..."

"Sora, we were best friends before we were lovers! I still want to be a part of your life, as stupid and impossible as it sounds..."

He stammers on," When I see you with that _fuck_ of a guy named Axel it pisses me off. He's nothing but trouble-"  
"-I never said I wanted to still be friends with you after this." I burst out, holding back my tears.

"You left me on my fucking birthday...you cheated on me for a year and then you just dumped me on my birthday! How can you possibly believe that we can still pull off being friends?"

My hands are becoming shaky.

"Four years...and in the last year you didn't even have the balls to tell me that you had found someone else until it was time to graduate. You haven't the idea...the many clinics I've visited...the tests..." My vision blurred out and I felt a tear roll down my cheeks.

Riku sat there dry and dispassionate.

"You never have much to say, do you?" I ask him silently.

He exhaled, running his hands through his hair once more.

"I'm sorry..."  
"If you didn't want to be in a relationship with me...you...you could've just let me down easily...l-like a friend would have..."

"I know Sora...I'm sorry..."

I grab my box of possessions and walk to my car.

I throw the box down in the passengers seat before starting up the ignition and taking off.

_If I had fucked him everything would've been fine._

_If I had fucked him, he'd probably be trying to move away with me._

_He'd want to marry me..._

There's this feeling, chewing away at my heart.

I've got to relieve it.

**-x-**

_Riku you idiot..._

Before getting out of my car, I take my crown necklace and place it around my neck.

At least I feel a bit safer.

A bit more loved again.

Upstairs Axel lied on the floor of his bedroom, playing the same racing game we had been playing before we passed out a few hours ago.

"Fucking Toad, get out my lane bitch."

I kick off my shoes and sit cross legged next to Axel. He takes a few glances over while trying to retain his momentum in the game, "What happened."  
"He gave me my stuff."

"You okay?"  
"Yeah."

All the music from the game halted as Axel stood up.

On top of the chestnut dresser under his television he grabs a tubular object and some sort of canister.

"No." I say immediately.

"Come on, your face says it all. Anger...hostility...the need to just 'let go'. It's just a new experience to add to your book of life."

"What if it makes me go crazy?"

"Dude you took a man-made pill to get high before you took plant material that you could grow with your two bare hands out of the ground in your own backyard. I rest my case."

Axel opens up the canister and I smell the smell instantly. He draws back, "Whew! That stinks...Hey Hiro!"

"What?!"

"Ready?!"

Axel pulls out a tiny ball of green.

"It will be my first smoke in two years. Hiro bought it from Roxas." Axel smiles slyly, as though he wishes to see the irritation in me.

"No he didn't."  
"Yeah he did." Axel says frankly.

I take a breather.

_Sora, it's okay._

"He's not a drug dealer, is he?" I ask. Hiro walks into the room and takes a seat next to us. "I dunno. Hey Hiro, does Roxas deal?"  
"Well," He groans, stroking his chin, "I'm pretty sure he doesn't. He sold me two grams of that stuff right there that I had been saving for Axel...but he's always asking me to buy him shit from the market when we hang out...he's broke so I doubt it."

I sigh.

He packs it into the pretty clear and silver glass pipe that held water inside. Without any warning, Axel takes a rip out of the pipe. Thick white smoke crawled into the chamber as he inhaled longer. His emerald eyes watered just a bit as he finishes his hit with a cheeky feel about him.

He passes it over to Hiro and I can't help but to watch the scene again. The way the smoke bellows into the long glass chamber with the water bubbling, leading all the way up into the mouth is...is hypnotizing. Something my eyes can't seem to part from.

It's different than all the other time's I've walked into Roxas smoking.

Dare I say it's because of the red-headed rebel I had befriended not even a day ago?

Maybe I've got something to prove to Riku.

Maybe it's time for me to make a change. Something I would have never dared to changed about myself.

Becoming single does bring on new times and experimentation, but I never thought I'd be single again.

"So you want some?"

Maybe I'm over thinking things.

"Sure."

"Really?"  
"Yeah, really." I take the pipe and lighter in hand. My hands are visibly shaky and become cold from sweat.

"You're not gonna freak out once you take a hit, right?" Axel asks, leaning back on the floor and continuing his game play.

"Yeah, if you're gonna freak out-"

"-I won't freak out. I see Roxas doing this all the time..."I say as though I'm all ready to go. But on the inside, butterflies were slamming themselves on the inner walls of my tummy.

"You know what to do, right?" Axel asks, seemingly uninterested in whether I hit it or not.

"I said I'm fine. It'll be like smoking a cigarette or something."

Another thing I say aloud to calm my inner mind.

It takes a few flicks to light the lighter.

I slowly bring it to the center of the bowl and see Axel and Hiro both staring at me from the corner of my eyes. Before the flame meets the weed I close my eyes and inhale slowly.

I can't actually remember tasting anything, just a slight burn in the back of my throat.

After ten seconds I hold it out and open my eyes.

_Huh...that...wasn't that bad. I don't even feel anything..._

Axel takes it from me, "Well played, well played. You gave into peer pressure." He smirks before taking his hit and passing it to Hiro.

I shake my head, "I gave into nothing."  
I say, lungs still filled with smoke.

Axel sits up and stares me down long and hard, "You sure you haven't done this before?"

I exhale all the smoke, coughing very little at the end.

"I just learn from watching Roxas."  
"Hmm...You smoke cigarettes?"  
"No."  
"Hmmm..."  
He begins to play the game again.

"What gives with the super lungs then?"  
"Swimming in the ocean."

I hear Axel groan, "The ocean."

"Axel's afraid of the ocean. The Cracken, giant squids, sharks."Hiro begins to laugh as Axel rubs his eyes.

"Hiro can't keep a girl for more than a week."

"Axel hasn't had one in over," Hiro holds up his pointer and middle finger," _two _years. Haha!"

"You fucking punk." Axel lunges and Hiro and puts him in a headlock.

"Ow, get-"

"-Now you know you're hurting my feelings in front of our new friend here, Hiro. Be nice."

I take a hit of the pipe again and it feels better the second time.

The third time felt even better.

Soon, I was lost within this cloudy bubble. Thoughts of every day bullshit came and left.

I slouched down against the bed, wiping my constantly watered eyes. The body high was pronounced, I felt locked on one spot.

My mouth had dried out, and I was craving random ass shit to stuff down my gullet every five seconds.

"I'm gonna get some food." Hiro leaves me and Axel in the room alone and he resets the game console, handing me a controller.

"I found a cheat in the game. It's on rainbow row and I'm about to kick your ass."

I grin, "Oh yeah?"

My night from here on out consisted of expletives, challenges, chocking on smoke because of random laughter and food.

Tons and tons of fucking food.

I already thought I was a human trash disposal, but getting high off of my ass really gave me another stomach to put to use.

I'd hate to say it...but I love being high.

**-x-**

"I hope you two get a dorm together."

There are boxes and black garbage bags scattered across my wooden floors filled with stuff I'm either taking, giving away or throwing away. Mom says I have to clean my room this one time since I never bothered the other hundred thousand times she's asked me.

I guess its fair.

"We both put in a request, so hopefully. It would be great to share a dorm with Hayner and not a potential psychopath that's gonna end up chopping me to bits." I joked.

"You and your inner city horror stories."

Hayner used to live on Destiny, he would hang out with us all the time. We shared lockers and would skip here and there. He was sent to a reform school in ninth grade after head budding a kid and giving him a nose bleed. Luckily enough, Hayner earned good enough grades to land himself a scholarship to a four year accredited university. He chose Twilight.

"You know who you're gonna room with at Rising?"

"No, I wish. I hope it's not this overly slutty sophomore or something, that would really suck, because I'd never get sleep."  
We both burst out laughing.

"Hey! What happened on graduation night?"  
"What?" I jump into bed and wrap myself within the blankets.

"I called and your mom said you left with some guy...Some _red-headed guy."_

"Oh...ahaha..." I begin to break out in a sweat.

"You hung out with Axel! What did you do that was so much better than hanging out with me and Namine?"  
"Uh, we just played video games."  
"Video games."

"Yeah."  
"It's just like you to ditch out for some video games...you and Roxas are just alike. Asshole."

"Aw come on, we've got the whole summer to make up for it."  
"Did you do anything..._naughty?"_

"No!"  
"Okay. I gotta go, talk to you later."

Click.

_Jesus Christ Kairi..._

I decide to go downstairs for awhile to clear my head out of my cluttered room.

I hear my mom and Roxas bickering back and forth in front of the basement door.

A foul odor is lingering through the air and I instantly know what they're bickering about.

Donny and his fucking meth labs. He stopped setting up lab in the basement when we turned twelve, but he has just recently picked up the habit again. I open the front door and windows so air could circulate.

"Sora you and Roxas need to leave." She says quietly.

"I don't want to leave. Mom, that shit stinks up the whole neighborhood! People are gonna call the fucking cops on us...!" Roxas replies harshly.

"No they're not-"

"-Mom yes they are they're gonna smell that shit and notice that there are random ass guys coming in and out of our home to buy the shit. If they find out that Donny's been setting up his bullshit labs in the basement they could put me in a fucking foster home, don't you get it? Do you even care!?" Roxas shouts, his fists balled.

"Roxas, yelling about it isn't going to help."  
"Well then you tell her!" He takes a few steps away from the door.

He smirks slightly, spinning around to kick the door.

"Roxas you dumb shit!" I exclaim, running over to him.

I yank him away from the basement door. My mother's face is white to the bone.

"Are you stupid one mistake and he could blow the whole fucking place up!" I yell.

Loud footsteps climb up the basement stairs and the door slams open.

There he is.

Wild eyed, reeking of chemicals and some other foulness. His blonde hair nearly brown from all the dirtiness. His face which was once youthful and handsome like Roxas is now aged and sunken in. You wouldn't know where the old sores end and the new ones begin.

He once put out fires along side my own father, but ever since being forced to resign, he's taken a turn for the worse.

Screwing his best friends wife, knocking her up and eventually raising both her kids.

All the while making profit from selling meth out of her basement.

I used to flinch in the present of him, but now he's just like any other guy. He beat me so much that there wasn't much to be scared of after a certain point.

But that never stopped him from trying to hurt me.

A sharp pain shoots up the back of my head as I stagger forward. I turn around and see him ready to take another jab at me.

He certainly hates me more than Roxas, but that's a given.

Before I could think, my arm shoots forward and I get a clear hit on his nose. My mother is pushing me out of the house, tugging Roxas along with her.

"You both are gonna leave now! And I'm leaving too okay!" Safe to say, she was pissed we didn't listen to her in the first place.

**-x-**

Beautiful Rosemary. Long flowing brown locks, a soft youthful face.

Dulled out blue eyes, how they were once vibrant.

Me and Roxas sat in my car, right around the corner of where our house was.

My knuckles pulsated and stung. I've gotta stop aiming for his nose.

"Why does mom put up with his shit? I mean, she's proven time and time again that she can take care of all of us without any outside support."

"She could be in love with him." I admit. I hear Roxas huff.

"There is no love there. She's been uninterested since the first day he moved in. But after what he's put us through? I'm almost convinced that mom never really gave two shits about us..."

"Don't say that."

I grip my pant legs tight, clenching my jaw.

"She's all we have..."

"Why would she let that shit happen to us? Because of the fucking meth labs he used to set up we developed asthma. I mean, you remember!"

I look away.

"The first fucking year of him living with us and we both get pneumonia and develop asthma. That's not a fucking coincidence. Maybe mom is snorting the shi-"

"-She's not the stupid one, Roxas. She's not the greatest parent, but she tried her best."

"You give her way more credit than she deserves."

"There were times that Donny could've killed us if she didn't step in between us and take it herself. She tried her best, Roxas."

After my last words, Roxas became silent and focused his gaze onto the sidewalk.

I begin to drive off.

I can't shake the thought that leaving for college means leaving Roxas.

My mom...

Am I being selfish?

For wanting to get away...away from this small island, away from Riku and Donny. Away from all the things I don't want to have to worry about for the rest of my life.

After we drive for about five minutes, I ask him his preferred destination.

"Namine's."

Namine's been Roxas' sweetheart since 6th grade.

Not that she feels the same way towards him.

"I...I tried something new a while back." I bring up, hoping to cheer him up if only a little.

"Oh?" He stayed still, leaning up against the window.

"Yeah, I smoked."  
"Like, what? A cigarette?"  
I laugh, "No. Weed."  
He heaves out,"Ugh, I told them not to do it! I had dibs on your first time. Fuckers. That's just like them, backstabbers. How did you like it?"  
"It, was actually pretty nice."

"Are you saying, 'Roxas you were right the whole time'? I think you are."  
I sigh, "It's not _that_ great."  
"Yeah, whatever. You know Hiro's throwing a party tonight?"  
"Really?"

"Yeah, me and Namine might stop by there later on tonight. I need a drink."

**-x-**

"Where are you going?" Roxas asks as we pull into Namine's small driveway.

"I don't know, the promenade or something. I'll go blow some money on arcade games."  
"Yeah whatever, I know you'll just end up with Axel at the party anyways. Later."

_Party...?What is he talking about?_

I wait for him and Namine to walk into her house safely before pulling out.

I drive to a burger joint and pull into the parking lot. My phone buzzes before I could leave my car.

"_hey, what are you up to?"_

"_About to go eat, why?"_

"_Hiro's throwing a party, thought you might be interested in getting trashed."_

"_Why not?"_

"_Cool. See you whenever."  
"Whenever?"_

"_Yeah, whenever past dark, it is a party after all."  
_

**-x-**

I pull up and I feel as though I've arrived on another planet. You could hear the music all the way down the block.

Girls and guys crowded the large front lawn smoking cigarettes and drinking from red plastic cups as a beat pounds out through the dark house. I squeeze my way through the sea of skin and sweat and find my way up to Axel's room.

I knock on the door and don't hear a reply.

Axel didn't really tell me where to meet him, he just said to come after dark.

I knock a little louder this time and get a reply.

"Buzz, the fuck, off!"

"It's me." I say pressed up against the door.

It swings open almost instantly, "Hey!"

I walk in and notice the cases and cases of beer stacked up in his room.

Axel turned his back to me and held out his arms, "My personal supply."

He looked so stunning in just a slim fit black shirt and jeans. The smell of shampoo lingered around the room.

"What's the party for?"

He shrugs, "Hiro throws parties for no reason. This is just another one of 'em. First of many since I've been back I guess." Axel pulls out a beer bottle and hands me one.

"You're gonna need one. This shit gets real annoying after the first hour unless you're drunk."


	3. Chapter 3

Instead of drinking in the house, we decide take two back packs worth of beer to the shore that is basically Axel's backyard.

The smell of smoke and possibly vomit grew stronger as we walked down the stairs.

Girls grinded upon guys holding their cups in the air. The black light illuminated colors everywhere as the beats pulsated through my party.

I have never experienced anything like this before.

Axel leads me to a dark corner of the living room next to two other people. As we get closer I notice that it's Kairi and Roxas.

"Where's Hiro?" Axel asks.

"We saw him dancing with a group of girls."

Axel rolls his eyes, "He sickens me."  
"Sora what the fuck are you doing here?" Kairi asks, adorned with glow sticks.

"There's no hiding it now Sora, he's one of me now." Axel says.

"Shut up Axel, Sora's too pure to be one of _you."_

"_Bitch."_ Axel fake coughs out.

"So we're gonna be outback, find us if you need us." Axel begins to walk away.

"Wait Sora!"

"What?"  
Roxas tries to mouth something to me but I can't understand it.

**-x-**

Out back there are a good amount of people making out . Over on a lawn chair is a girl grinding on a guy intensely in an outfit that I'm sure her parents would've never let her leave the house in if they had caught her.

"Hey! Don't make me hose you motherfuckers down." Axel looks over, only three feet away from them.

They ignore him and he looks over at me with a devilish grin.

"Sora, crack open a beer." He says as he opens his and takes a drink.

I do as he says and open my beer.

My very first sip accompanied Axel spraying his hose onto the couple as he drank his beer using his other hand.

"Alright!" The guy shouts out.

"You fucking punk, what the fuck is your problem?"

"My problem is that that's my favorite lawn chair you guys were about to fornicate on. My house my rules, motherfucker, don't like it then get out." Axel says with such authority.

"This isn't your house."  
"Yeah, it is."

The girl who was grinding on the guy in the first place was long gone.

"I don't give a fuck." The guy puffs.

Axel cocks a brow with a slight smile. The stand off ends soon as the guy stammers off into the house.

"That's right drunkie. Walk away."

**-x-**

It's 12:13 AM and my eyes are feeling heavy.

Eight beers and a few bowls later and I'm having a pretty good time.

Axel is actually an easy person to hang out with. I could hang out with him all night.

Well, I kinda am.

"You know that girl I hosed down?"  
"Yeah?"  
"That was Riku's girlfriend."

It took me a few moments to process it.

"Wh-what?"

"That was Riku's girlfriend, I forgot her name but I remember seeing him kiss her goodbye a few days ago. Just thought you should know." He says before finishing his last beer.

I chug mine down just as fast and stand up, stumbling through the sand back towards Axels house.

"Hey, wait what are you doing?"  
"I need more."

"More what?"

"More beer."

**-x-**

**? beers later...**

"How the hell is Riku cheating on me with such a-a slut?!" I ask miserably as my head layed on the counter.

"Correction: He _was. _It's Riku. He's a sleazy motherfucker."  
"Axeeelll..." I begin to whine.

"It's true. I hate Riku. I _hate _him."  
"Are you only hanging out with me to make him jealous?"

"Hehe...you want me to answer that honestly?" Axel chuckles, pulling out two shot glasses and a bottle from a cabinet located under his kitchen counter.

"Yes, and no." He answers as he fills the two long shot glasses up to the brim.

"Really?"  
"I like hanging out with you, when we play games you don't complain about me winning too much. If I can make Riku jealous by hanging out with you, it's not like I _won't _do it. That'd be...well, that'd be something I wouldn't expect from myself."

"Gee, thanks."  
"Hey, I said I actually like hanging out with you, making Riku jealous is just expansion pack."

"Nice analogy...I think?"  
"Thank you."

I smell the contents of the small shot glass.

"Blach...what the fuck is that?"

"Hard liquor, c'mon and drink."

We throw back the shots at the same time. My throat is sent on fire, the liquid burning all the way down to my stomach. I almost want to throw up but I hold myself. My face begins burning and I look up.

Axel is laughing at me clear across the counter.

"What's so funny?" I try to hold back my twitch.

"Your face, it's red as hell." He begins to pour another shot for the both of us.

"It burns!"

**-x-**

"I want...this many shots...then I'm going..." I hold my hands up.

"Where you goin'?"

"I'm goin' ta take a piss."

"You sure you can find the bathroom?"  
"Y-yeah..."

I'm not exactly the most graceful drunk, but I'm having fun.

Me and Axel have been taking shots back and forth, laughing at each others intoxicated state.

The double vision becomes heavier as I'm back in the dark living room.

Bad news is that I have to wriggle through the crowd to get upstairs to use a decent bathroom that doesn't have people fucking inside of it.

"Time to get to work..." I plunge myself deep within the crowd throwing their hands up to the music bumping.

"Hey!" I feel someone grab my hand and its Kairi."

"I need to go pee!" I yell into her ear. Roxas is dancing with Kairi.

"You guys fucking 'round?" She asks with a huge grin, Roxas laughing behind her.

"What do you mean?"  
"You and Axel!"  
I shake my head back and forth, "No way!"  
"Ya, okay!"

"No Kairi-"  
"-He's an asshole but he's kinda hott!" She puts a few glow stick bracelets onto my arms.  
I roll my eyes and continue my quest to the bathroom.

**-x-**

2:27 A.M.

I'm reaching my limit.

"Oh God Sora...why'd ya drink so much..." I said to myself, wavering back and forth near the bottom of the stairs. I held my hair in my hands, not really sure what to do with myself. I climb to the top and sit down.

Just minutes ago I spotted Riku and his girlfriend dancing on the floor and I've been watching ever since. His white hair sticks out like a fucking pin.

In fact, I'm sure he's here on purpose.

They grind onto each other with plastered smiles on their faces, as though they're having the time of their lives.

I sigh, emotions running through me like a wild river.

Part of me wants to cry.

To yell.

I see Axel approaching with the bottle in his hand and he takes a seat next to me at the top of the stairs.

"What's wrong?" He asks, sloppily passing the bottle to me.

"Them." I say, taking the bottle to my lips.

"Oh."  
"I didn't know Riku liked to drink."

I point out and laugh to myself.

I take one more swig before passing it back to Axel.

"You know something, Axel?"

"What?"  
"I'm...I'm starting to feel sick."  
Axel smirks, "You should probably slow down on the drinking."  
I shake my head..."Nah...I'm fine."  
He begins laughing, "You just said you were feeling sick."

Riku and his lover kiss.

I physically quiver.

"I lied."

**-x-**

"What are you doing here?"  
"I'm getting drunk..."

I finish off the rum I had in my cup before dropping it.

"I could ask you the same fucking thing...you're not even friends with them, what the fuck are you doing here?"

Riku sighs, "It's not like a lot of people here were personally invited."

I don't remember how I ended up in a conversation with him, but he's about to have it.

"I'm so fucking done with you Riku."  
"I can see that."

"By the way, Axel hosed down your-your fucking dog in there."  
I watched Riku's expression turn colder by the second.

"What?"

"She was on top of some random guy earlier, but you probably already know that."

"Trying to make me jealous again I see?"  
I laugh, "No. I don't need anything from you Riku...you...you're the pathetic one trying."

His facial expression scrunches up, "Are you serious?"

I can see from the corner of my eye Axel and Kairi watching us through the windows.

"So that was the girl who you had been fucking around with for a year?"  
"That...she's gonna be my wife."

Riku holds up his left hand to reveal a silver band.

**-x-**

"This is bad."

"You think so?"  
"He's telling Sora that he's getting married. They're both drunk. This is bad."

I stand there in a drunken stupor, taking twice as long figuring out what I wanted to do.

"If I were Sora, I'd tell him that I fucked around since day one." I point at them through the glass as though I'm watching television.

Kairi laughs, "Yeah right, no one could believe that. Sora's..._strange."_

"Strange how?"

Kairi crosses her arms, "You wouldn't understand, you're nothing like him."

"Well, fuck you too Kairi."

A loud yell interrupts us and Sora opens the door quickly.

"I'm going to go sit in my car." He says calmly before he walks away. I look into the back and Riku is already gone.

"Oh no..." Kairi begins to open up her phone and text.

I wonder what happened...

**-x-**

I decide to go outside to Sora's car. People were sitting on the staircase smoking cigarettes and chatting. I walk down the block up to his classic blue ride. I walk up to the passenger side and knock on the window.

"Come in."

I open the door and take a seat. All my eyes could focus on is those wild brown spikes he calls hair.

Sora sat in the drivers seat, motionless. I noticed that he had been gripping his keys in his right hand.

Without a word, I try to pull the set of keys out from his hand. He quickly turns his head towards me frowning, his deep blue eyes piercing through mine. They were bloodshot.

_Geez..._

I've never experienced heart-break in my life, but from the look of his eyes I would guess that it burns. Eventually, he lets the keys slide out of his hands and I tuck them away in my pockets.

I pull out a pipe that I had loaded in my pocket since the beginning of the party and pass it to Sora. He sniffles right before accepting it and takes a long, well deserved drag before passing it back to me.

"You alright?"

He shakes his head.

"You gonna be alright?"

He nods.

"Can I ask you a question?"  
He nods again, thick smoke flowing out of his lips.

"Have you ever dated anyone else, or even tried?" I ask before taking a hit from the pipe and passing it.

"Of course I have-Kairi. But that was more of a joke than anything."

He crosses his arms, "I tried fucking her when I was in 7th grade and she told me that I was gay and everyone knows it. So that happened. Then I dated Riku when I was in 8th grade. She should've just let me fuck her."

I couldn't help but laugh at Sora's drunken take on his own situation. I try to stop but find myself laughing ten times harder.

I see a slight smile from Sora.

"I'm sorry."

"It's alright."  
A few minutes of silence pass with us just passing the pipe back and forth before I break the silence again.

"It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just that he didn't have the balls to do it."

I didn't expect him to laugh at all, but he did.

He begins laughing loudly.

So much so that he's even thrown in a few of his own little snorts.

His cheeks are getting red.

And it's...it's kinda cute.

But I am drunk.

But still...

I guess I'm so hammered I let out another lame joke just to hopefully see him laugh again.

"Never invest in funerals, it's a dying industry."

He laughs so hard that I can only hear air coming out.

He must really enjoy puns.

Eventually I make Sora forget about Riku all together.

We smoke and bask in the heavy smoke trapped in the car with us.

The bowl is ashed so I pat it clean and put it away in my pocket. "Do you mind if I smoke a cigarette?"  
"No, as long as you don't burn any holes. Use the ash tray." He pulls it out as I light a cigarette.

"Can I try one?"

"Really?"

"Yeah."

I shrug, pulling out one for Sora. He takes it from my hand and lights it, smoking it as though he's done it all before.

"How are you?"

I scan over Sora. He's slouched back into the seat, his blue and red flannel completely unbuttoned now. His brown unkempt hair hung over his face, just barely hiding his slow, dilated, glassy eyes.

"I feel so fucking wasted...like I've reached the nth di-dimen-sion." He shakes his head, "I've got quadruple vision an my head urts."

"From the sounds of it." I laugh at his slurred speech.

"Sure you're fine smoking that cigarette?"

He nods, flicking the built up ash into the ash tray.

Sora's officially gone for the night.

He stares me down before inching himself closer.

"Your tattoos," he starts, putting his arm over the back of my seat, "What do they mean?"

"Good question—I dunno."

He smells so good.

Not over powering.

Just...good.

I don't know why, but I can feel myself getting hot.

I never considered myself to be gay or bisexual, I've only ever been attracted to girls.

Only ever fucked girls.

But Sora's got this weird undeniable fucking charm about him. Maybe I'm just turning into one of those guys who has gay tendencies when he drinks.

"Why'd ya get em?"

I shrug,"Because I was young and stupid."

He tilts his head, his eyes scanning the surface of my face. I feel insecure but I don't move.

"Well, they look nice."  
"Thanks."

"Did you do it yourself?"  
"Yeah."  
"Really?"

"With a needle, and some ink."

"Did it hurt?"  
"Yeah. A lot, actually. But, you know, I already started so there was no backing out..."  
"Wow..." He pulls back, amazed.

I put out my cigarette as he's finally getting down to half of his.

"I'd never be able to let a needle pierce holes in my face, you must be amazing with pain tolerance."

I laugh, feeling really embarrassed and confused.

I look at him.

He looks at me.

I'm pushed back into the passengers seat as Sora crawls onto me.

Not that I'm resisting.

My hands are gripping the white classic seats by my sides as Sora straddles me.

His white shirt under his flannel blocked whatever view I had in front of me and I honestly didn't give a damn on what was on the sides.

He smirks, the cigarettes hanging tights from his lips before he pulls it out and exhales.

"I've always wanted a really cool tattoo, maybe you could give it to me one day."

I don't know what to say, this is a first.

I'm shaking, ready to make a move. But what move?

"Sora?"

I wait a few seconds and he doesn't respond. All he does is sit still, giving me the straight on dead stare.

"Sora." I move my shaky hands and grip his sides, shaking him just slightly.

"Y-yeah?"

Sora's way too drunk. This isn't what he probably thinks he's doing right now.

Maybe I should...stop him.

_Shit._

But he's so great where he is, I never want to take my eyes off of him. My hands never want to leave his side. I'm open to a lot right now.

As weird as that sounds...

He leans in close again, bumping foreheads with me.

"You're so tense." He begins to chuckle.

I can do this.

I've decided.

I grip his waist tight as he puts his cigarette in my mouth.

"This...I can't...you have it..." He says before pushing the car door open.

"Sora? Sora!"


	4. Chapter 4

_The world's going round and round, will it ever stop?_

_Oh shit..._

_Oh my-_

As soon as I feel my two palms hit the cold pavement I began to throw up all the noxious fluids I had consumed over the night. I could no longer stand the growing vertigo and I think it was the stupid cigarette that pushed me over the edge.

Actually, I'm sure of it because my lungs feel like they're closing tight.

I wish I had my inhaler.

I cough once more and throw up again.

It tasted sour and burned raw. Hurt so bad I slam my fist against the pavement.

"Shit Sora..." Axel gets out of the car in a hurry after me.

"H-Hold on okay!"

I would have replied but I was so busy puking in pain that I didn't really try.

"Sora lets go, you can't be on the streets puking or a cop'll pick us up. Lets go."  
I shake my head, tearing off my favorite flannel and using it as some sort of mouth guard. I'm not really sure what the fuck I was doing or how that would help at the moment, but I did it.

**-x-**

**3:36 A.M**

I guide Sora down the block back to where my house was at, guiding him up the stairs.

"Sora, you gotta walk straight if you want us to get somewhere." I say pushed up between the staircase railing and him.

"I'm fine." He musters up.

"I know you're fine, but you've got me pinned up against this railing."

"I feel sick. Don worry, didn't puke on myself. I-If that's what you're so worried about."  
"I know I know, come on."

We waver back and forth up to the front door and I push it open.

To my surprise, Riku, Kairi, _and_ Riku's girlfriend were having a conversation of their own at the bottom of the staircase.

Kairi jumps up immediately," What's going on?"  
"Nothing much..._Move._" Sora answers for himself as we both climb up the stairs past Riku and his girlfriend.

"_That's_ him?" She chortles behind us.

"_That's him."_

With such fury Sora turns back around nearly lunging.

"Get out!" He roars at the top of his lungs.

If people didn't know that the party was over, they knew now.

He's steaming like no one I've ever seen before. His eyes are alert and wide, focused on Riku.

"Get the fuck out! Now!" I see the veins popping out from Sora's neck and Kairi's frightened. Everyone in the house is silent and now watching the scene unfold.

I'm afraid to let Sora get past my arms.

I'm not sure what Riku told him in the back yard, but he is _pissed._

Maybe he shouldn't have had his first drink tonight.

Riku stood his ground ready for confrontation.

"Riku don't be an asshole, just go." Kairi says softly.

"Really, look at him. Go." She continues on.

You could notice the hush over the music. Few start chanting for a fight, others coming out of the dining room and kitchen just to get a good view of the action. What seemed to be thousands of eyes all focused on us...

It didn't feel like a good scene, I sure was about to flip out.

Sora locks eyes with me before grabbing my hand, "Let's get the fuck out of here."

We climb up the stairs and down the hallway to my room and it feels like I finally get to breathe for a second.

"Man I'd hate being famous..." I say to myself.

Sora goes into the bathroom without a word, closing the door shut behind him.

"Sora?" I call through the door quietly, pressing my ear up against the wood.

I could barely hear sobs coming from the other side. The sounds of gurgling and constant flushing covering most of it up.

"Sora, you-you okay?"

"Yeah..."  
"You done partying for the night?"  
"Y-yeah..."  
"Want some water?"  
"Yeah."  
"Okay, I'll be back."

I stop speaking, but I stand still. All I could hear from the other side of the door after a few moments were some sobs and cursing.

_Poor kid..._

I turn my back to the door and head back out of the room. At the top of the stairs I could still spot Riku and his girlfriend talking to Kairi.

Most of the crowds had already found their way out while Sora had been yelling.

I descend a few steps and decide that it's time for them to get the fuck out.

"Get out."  
Riku begins to smirk as he turns away. I lean up against the railing and smile, "Hey, aren't you curious why your girlfriend's wet still?"

Riku turns his head towards me.

I swear I see his eyes twitch.

Motherfucker should've left the party.

I lick my lips and tilt my head, "Its been a good few hours since I soaked her...Oh but don't worry, I was really on your side. See, it was another fellow who she was fucking that _really _soaked her on my fucking lawn chair. _I just had to get the hose on them._"

I swear I nearly provoked a fight, yet he continues to turn away and leave, his girlfriend following closely behind.

Kairi looks at me, mouth gaping wide.

**-x-**

It gets a little better.

And then it just gets worse.

I can't see further than 3 feet ahead of me for some reason.

The smell of my acidic vomit has me flushing the toilet every 5 seconds.

I just want to go home.

Possibly, the hospital.

I hear a knock on the door.

"Sora! Are you okay?"

"Oh I'm fine..."  
"I need to go find Roxas."  
"What?"

I couldn't absorb a thing of whatever the fuck she was telling me.

"Just stay here okay?"  
"You aren't driving...are you?"

"No, of course not! I'll be back."

Before I know it, I'm alone again.

After awhile, I'm able to go five minutes without throwing up.

I stumble to my feet and rip off my shirt.

I make my way towards the shower and turn all the knobs just to get the water running.

Right as I'm pulling my belt off Axel walks in.

"What are you doing?"

I wish I had an understandable answer.

"I feel sick."  
"You think a shower's gonna help? Don't pass out in there. Here's your wat-"

I take the water from his hands and begin to chug with all my might, holding the cup in one hand and my falling jeans in the other.

I just want the drunk to go away.

**-x-**

I step out of the shower feeling twenty percent better. I get dressed and step out into a more mellow scene. Axel watching t.v from the bottom bunk, nestled up under one thick orange blanket. The beer crates were pushed off to the side of his room.

"Still sick?"  
"I think so."  
"Then you get the outer edge. Lay on your stomach so you don't end up a statistic."

Last thing I remember is plopping down on bed.

So warm.

**-x-**

_What's that buzzing noise?_

I slowly open my eyes and look around. The rays of the morning sun are trying to peak through the shades. I wipe my eyes and slowly get up as to not disturb the fragile state of my stomach.

I notice its mom calling and pick up quickly.

"Hello?"  
"Sora? Where are you? Listen, I need you go pick up Roxas."  
"What? Why?"

I hear a heavy sigh and sit on the bed, prepared for a hand full.

"Okay, well, wherever Roxas went last night, he came back drunk off of his ass. And when he came back and saw the basement door cracked open he just lost it. I mean, everything he started yelling at me for letting the door stay open and then Donny came up stairs and they got into it..."

She sighs again, "Eventually I wasn't going to sit there and try to tell my drunk son and tweaked out husband to calm down so I called the cops and they decided to take them both in."

I rub my face before standing up and begin to search for my clothes from yesterday. My head is banging and I'm overcome with nausea unlike that of last night.

"I-I just don't know what's gotten into Roxas these past few months. I know that his father pushes his buttons a lot and I know he hates seeing that basement door open but I mean, come on. He'll usually just close the door and go up to his room. He'll say a few things to me here and there but nothing explosive like what happened last night. Since the cops saw the lab in the basement they're calling in a fucking crew to decontaminate the place. So now we have to find a place to stay for a few weeks until all traces of that crap is gone. I can't believe this... "

I sigh along with her.

"So me and Roxas are probably going to have to stay with Kairi for a while?"  
"Yeah. Well, I might make Roxas stay with you're aunt and I just so I can keep an eye on him. They're coming in tomorrow morning. We have to be gone by the end of the night, so I guess now is the time to start making calls and picking up your stuff. Luckily this will only run me just over two grand."

"_Just_ over two grand?"

"I know, I know, it's a lot of freaking money."

I find my clothes on the bathroom floor. I notices that they smell an awful lot like vomit and decide to just ask Axel for clothes when he wakes up instead.

"They're holding Roxas until an appointed guardian can pick him up. They say they won't put it on his record since this is his first offense. So I need you to go pick him up."

"Why me again?"

"Because I gave you my car, asshole. And I have to get the house ready."

"Fine."  
"Thank you, I love you, bye."

"Love you too mom."

I walk over to Axel and shake him awake.

"What...?" He asks from under the blanket.

"Can I borrow some clothes? I need to go pick up Roxas."  
"Why?"  
"He got picked up by cops last night. Got in a fight with his dad."  
"His dad? Your dad?"  
"Long story."  
"My clothes are in the closet."

I grab a random sweater and some pants and get dressed. The sleeves and pant legs were long, I kinda looked like a kid who stepped in his dads clothing.

"I'll be back."

**-x-**

I wake up alone in my bedroom.

_Where's...oh yeah._

I wonder how long ago Sora left. I light a cigarette before going downstairs. My head feels like it wants to explode from the constant banging.

Hiro looks as though he's just gotten finished cleaning up the living room. There are two garbage bags lined up next to the front door.

"Where'd Sora go?"

"He went to go pick up Roxas. Apparently Roxas got in a fight last night."  
"Oh wait I remember. With his dad or something?"  
"Yeah."

"That sucks."

"Don't get cigarette ashes all over the place. I just cleaned up the shit."  
I flick my cigarette free of ashes onto the floor, "Whatever." I shuffle into the kitchen, hoping to cook something up to rid me of my hangover.

"Did ya have fun last night?" Hiro asks coming into the kitchen.

I shrug, pulling out water.

"Sure hung out with Sora a lot last night."  
"It was his first time drinking. Wanted to make sure that he didn't die."  
"Cool, cool."

I continue to pull out eggs and ham from the fridge. Hiro sits on the counter next to all my supplies. "So, what did you guys do?"  
"We got drunk."  
"And?"  
"Talked."  
"'Bout what?"  
"Jesus fucking Christ Hiro. I don't even remember."

Half truth.

"What did he tell you about Riku."  
"That fucker," I slam the fridge shut, taking a breath before letting out too much, "He was just telling me how sad he was about him. I don't remember, what I _do _remember is seeing Riku's girlfriend on the back porch humping some random ass guy."

"Fran?"  
"Is that her name? _Fran?_"  
"Yeah. She's a meat market that specializes in sausage, if you know what I'm saying."

We break up laughing.

**-x-**

"I'm here to pick up my little brother." I tell the officer sitting behind the desk.

"That prick over there?" He motions towards one of the first cells where Roxas is sitting on the bed. His face reads hungover.

The lights are dim and crappy. The air smelled like over powering disinfectant.

Covering up god knows what. The walls were merely white bricks, cracking from time. Roxas raises his head and slowly comes off of the bunk with a glare.  
"Fuck you too old man. I want my shoes and my belt back. AND my cash too."

"Yeah, that asshole." I reply to the old guy.

"Has Donny been released?"  
"Who?"  
"His dad."  
"Oh...no, no. He's incarcerated for possession with intent to distribute. So he won't be out for at least another month unless he sets bail."

Destiny's holding facility is small. There were fives cells view-able to the public. Roxas and some old guy being the only two taking up the cells.

"Alright." He stands up and walks over to the cell with a set of keys. He slides open the cell and stands aside. Roxas looks at him as though he's waiting for a formal release.

"Well? What the hell are you waiting for?"  
"I just leave?"  
"Yeah. It's not like you killed a guy."

"Really?"  
"Get the hell out of here and don't let me catch you that piss-drunk again. Go on kid, get."  
Roxas chuckles, "Bitter old man."

**-x-**

"So."

"So..."

"What happened? Let me hear _your _side of the story."

"Well-"  
"-Well, lets start off with a few questions first. Why did you leave the party?"

"Namine." He utters. His face immediately flushes and he moves forward a bit.

"Look, I don't want to talk about it." He speaks up, turning on the radio.

"Well, we can't go back home until they clean up the house, and that's going to take a few weeks."

**-x-**

The house is silent. We hear mom rumbling around upstairs. Roxas and I head up into our rooms.

The floor in my room is covered inch by inch in clothing and other random stuff.

I open my phone and begin to dial Riku's number automatically.

I stop myself before hitting the last digit.

_Oh yeah..._

"Shit."

Where am I to stay for however long it is until my house is deemed habitable again?

I keep thinking of him...

_Axel..._

For some reason, I keep thinking of him.

I could stay with Kairi, or even my aunt, but I keep thinking of him.

"_Morning sunshine! U okay?"  
"I'm fine. Just had to pick up Roxas."  
"I heard. Your mom told me what happened. I was trying to find him last night but I was too late. I remember telling you but I think you were too sick to remember."_

"_I don't remember a lot of things except being really emotional. Weird shit."  
"Axel told Riku off after you ran away."  
"What?"  
"Yea, I can't remember what he said exactly, but it was insulting lol."  
":O"_

"_Lmao"  
"Do you like him?"  
"No. Do you really think I'm over Riku?"  
"I don't know :( I'm sorry"  
"It's okay."_

I hesitate, before punching my phone in again.

"_Axel's straight anyways."_

Why did I throw that in?

"_I guess...maybers"  
"Maybers?"  
"maybers :D"  
_

I receive a text from Axel.

"_What are you doing, you've been gone forever."  
"Sorry, trying to figure things out."  
"What things?"_

"_Where I'm going to stay for the next few weeks."  
"What? Really?"  
"Yeah."  
"You can stay with me, but on one condition."  
"What?"  
"You have to tell me EVERYTHING."  
"Well...okay...I guess."  
"Sweet rocks, see you soon."_

Before I knew it I thrusted myself into living with Axel for a while.

Not that there's anything wrong with him.

But I get this strange feeling when I think about him...

And...

It makes me feel bad.

Bad for feeling what I feel.

Bad...

**-x-**

"Me and your brother are going to be with aunt Mari until the clean up is over. He wants to go over to Kairi's so he can be with Namine, but I'm not going to let him slide for drinking when he knows better than that."

"Whatever. I'm more worried about what the neighborhood is going to think about a bunch of guys in rubber suits entering our house." Roxas huffs.

My aunt Mari lives in an RV. Not that it's not nice, but Roxas having to live with my mom and her sister in such tight quarters for a few weeks can be considered a punishment.

On the bright side, he gets to go up into the Destiny mountains, a beautiful part of the island where my aunt lives... Not that he'd appreciate that.

All of our bags lined up at the front door.

Roxas looked irritable , sitting with his arms crossed on the couch.

"Where are you going to be, at Kairi's?"  
"No, actually. I'm staying with Axel."  
"Who?"  
"My friends brother and Sora's straight boyfriend." Roxas intercepts.

"You have a new boyfriend already? Geez you move quicker than I did when I was your age."

I feel my cheeks turn red, "He's not my new boyfriend he's just a friend! Roxas shut up!"

He snickers and my mom giggles a bit.

"I'm going...!"

**-x-**

I arrive just before sundown and I hand Axel my bags to carry upstairs.

"What are those, your surf boards?" He nods towards my car, where I have two surf boards tied to the roof.  
"Only one, Roxas asked me to take his."

"Cool."

His room is cleaned up and it feels more welcoming.

"Hiro and me are excited, you just have to agree to having all night gaming sessions."  
"I'm game."  
"Awesome."

We eat, sitting outside on the back porch afterward.

I noticed a black garbage with a cardboard sign reading "HaZardous WASTE" was off to the side.

"What's in there?"  
"My old lawn chair. It doubled as a backpack." He frowns, lighting up a cigarette.

I watch the horizon set off a display of colors as the sun set beyond the ocean. The slight salty smell traveled through my nostrils.

I think of Riku.

And the good old days.

**–**

"_You're too weak."  
"Shut up! No I'm not." I hold on to my wooden sword tight, running at Riku with full force before being knocked off to the side, the wind knocked out of me."  
"Slow poke..."  
Kairi's watching, along with Tidus and Wakka._

_My arms are swollen and red, bleeding, pounding from the multiple lashings Riku dealt with his sword. I stand up and run at him once more, this time determined to knock him on his ass._

_Right before he strikes me, I grab his sword and strike his side with mine._

_I can hear them gasp, as Riku falls to the ground, letting go of his sword._

_We both breath heavily, you could hear nothing except us heaving and the waves of the ocean._

"_Shit...Sora...alright, alright you're not weak. You can come with us..."  
I drop my sword, still breathing heavy, and glance over to Kairi._

_She smiles, mouthing the words 'You did it.'_

**–**

"Sora?"  
"What?" I snap out of my day dream and look over to Axel. He pushes his striped black and white sleeves above his elbows.

"You gonna tell me what happened?"

"Oh, yeah...Roxas got in a fight with his dad."

"You guys have different dads?"  
"Yeah."  
"I thought you were twins."  
"No, we're nine months apart. My mom cheated on my dad with her ex. But my dad was in our lives until we were around eight. Once he left, Donny moved in. From that point on we saw less and less of my dad..."

I gather my thoughts again.

"Roxas hates his dad. I hate his dad. We both hate him, but Roxas is a loose cannon. Donny was cookin' in the basement with his door open again and Roxas got mad. He started yelling and he got in a fight with his dad."

"Cookin'?"

"He's a meth cook. He sets up lab and cooks the shit until his skin falls off. He was making it in our basement and Roxas got pissed enough and confronted him. Now Roxas is out and grounded, but Donny's in jail. There's gonna be a cleaning crew at my house assessing the place and cleaning it up."

"It used to be worse, Roxas and I used to have asthma attacks out of the blue whenever we played in the living room."

I feel embarrassed.

I close my eyes.

"You too, huh?" I hear Axel's voice break the silence.

"Your dad beat the shit out of you and Roxas, huh?"

My heart skips a beat and I don't know how to answer him.

"I see it written all over your guys' faces."

He swings his legs off the lawn chair and faces me.

I don't budge off of my chair. I stare up at the now darkened skies.

"Your mom didn't do shit to protect you guys either, huh...?"

It hurts, hearing it being said to you for the first time.

"It's alright, me and Hiro are kind of the same way. We have the same dad, but he was a huge meth head. He never cooked it, he went through other means to fund his addiction. When he wasn't high we'd get the worst of it. My mom would only step in and take the beating herself if she knew he was gonna kill us..."

Axel puts out his old cigarette and lights a new one.

"It's alright, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?"

"Right." I smile, playing with my necklace crown piece.

"So then," Axel looks away, laying back down on his chair, "Riku. What's up with that guy? Seems bent out of shape."

I sigh, rubbing my eyes," I...he's...We've been together since we were fourteen, and he met this girl when we were seventeen. He cheated on me for a full year then called it quits on my birthday."

"Why did he break up with you?"

I feel my eyes swell up and I try to control my line of thoughts.

"He fell in love with her...she gives him what I..." I choke, feeling even more embarrassed.

"Riku's...he's always been the bigger asshole of us both." I save my secret for another time.


	5. Chapter 5

The waves are lively today and I'm getting ready for a swim.

The time I've been having at Axel's has been fun. Mainly filled with prank wars and drinking games.

"You coming Axel?"

He crosses his arms, "I think I'll make sand castles."  
"Yeah, let the widdle-biddle baby play with his widdle sand castles!" Hiro mocks Axel in a baby tone. Hiro and I are all suited up for swimming while Axel is still sporting pants and a jacket.

"Hiro you're pissing me off again," Axel grunts, pushing Hiro away.

"Whatever. Come on, Sora, lets get our manly balls smacked around by these waves while baby makes us a worthy sand castle to kick over. S'go!" Hiro makes a dash for the ocean, clumsily running down the sandy hill.

Smiling, I turn back to Axel who isn't as amused.

"It's alright, I'll drown him for you."  
"Oh I'll cut him in his sleep."

**-x-**

_No one makes a fool out of me._

I open my closet and pull out some swimming trunks.

_That fucker's gonna pay._

I tear my shirt off and drop my pants. I tie my hair back.

_He'll see..._

I pull on my swimming trunks and run down the stairs to the back. I can barely see Hiro and Sora in the water. I begin to run towards the ocean. Wind is blowing in my eyes as I approach the shore closer. My heart begins to beat faster as I see the lively waves curling over ever ten seconds.

I can make out their faces, Sora's excited.

Hiro's terrified.

This is it.

I close in on the waters and rush into them.

No backing out now.

The cold water nearly knocks the breath out of me but I plunge in deep. I'm shaking with fear as I wade through the waters, keeping my eye on the prize.

"Hiro you fucker!" I scream, tackling him. I hold his body under the water for ten seconds before letting him go.

He coughs up water, "You asshole...!"  
I slap his face hard, "That's for calling me a baby you punk!" I point at Hiro.

Behind him I notice a wave coming towards us and I sort of panicked.

"Fuck that. Fuck that. Fuck that." I rushed back towards the shore, nearly screaming when I felt the wave hit my back.

**-x-**

I was already dried and clothed when Sora and Hiro came back from the beach. Sora was half dry, sand climbing up his legs.

"So glad you guys didn't get eaten by sharks."

I open the back door and immediately realized that my mother had come home.

She gasps, "Axel?!"

**-x-**

She must've been Axel's height, maybe a little shorter.

Her long red hair hung past her waist.

Her green eyes and confident smile stuck out.

I see where Axel gets it from.

"I hope you learned your fucking lesson about the prison system." She says with a smile, clingy onto him tightly and kissing his face.

"Yeah yeah, whatever."  
She looks past Axel and stares me down.

I fidget on the spot.

"This is awkward, I'm going upstairs." Hiro bails out on us.

She approaches me," What's your name?"  
"S-Sora."  
"How old are you?"  
"Eighteen."  
She smiles and looks over at Axel.

"He's gay." He says.

"Of course, the cute ones always are!"

**-x-**

Instead of letting me be subject to his mothers cat calls, Axel led me upstairs instead.

"You probably want to shower off or something, I'm gonna go catch up with my mom."

He sighs heavily, leaving the room.

I decide to take a shower.

**-x-**

_Hope I learned my lesson?_

_Psshh..._

I march all the way downstairs, getting ready to tell her off for hitting on Sora.

_Out of all the fucking things she could say after not seeing me for two years, she decides to...what the fuck?_

Excitement creeps up my spine just from the sight of it.

Could it be what I think?

I look all around the kitchen.

No one.

I rush to the counter and take a quick swipe of the substance with my finger.

One taste was enough to tell me...

Cocaine, oh sweet cocaine.

It's been awhile, my friend.

My hands work quick to make a line and I snort it up.

"Ah...!" I held my nose as I felt it burn.

Ever since my last binge a few years ago, I've had a sensitive nose.

My body begins to warm up and euphoria slowly settles in. I hunch over the counter, observing the pile even more.

It had to be atleast three grams.

_I should just pocket the shit...I should just..._

"Axel you little piece of shit!" I hear her shriek.

I nearly have a heart attack, flinging my body around.

I see my mom standing at the door way of the kitchen.

She's pissed to say the least.

"I can't leave anything out for one fucking second in my own house can I!?"  
"Well you have a room, don't you?!" I yell just to distract her from the fact that I'm actually running away.

I walk into my room and see Sora struggling to put on a shirt.

I couldn't take my eyes off of him.

I guess I'm...I'm attracted to Sora.

"Screw that shirt!" He growls, throwing it aside and grabbing a new one.

"Wanna go to the store?" I slow down. At least, I try.

My breath, my heart rate, my speech...

Everything is speedy.

Everything is

E.

He leans back, "Meh, I guess. What for?"  
"Cigarettes."  
He frowns," Cigarettes? It's gonna take more than that to get this guy up."

"You got it, I'll buy you whatever you want."  
"Whatever I want?" He grins.

"Yeah!"

**-x-**

So there we were, walking down the street to the closet store. High as fuck, I personally feel like fucking the living shit out of Sora now.

I admit it.

Aaaaand now I can start my pursuit.

I mean, it's hard to help.

He's gorgeous.

Like a wild child.

His big blue eyes draw me in even more.

At the super market I go straight for the customer service desk, where they have all the cigarettes I'll ever need tucked behind two glass doors. I ask for my favorites and hand over my I.D.

I pay the lady and say thanks before walking towards the doors again.

"Hey! You made me a promise, remember?"

"Oh, yeah. Right," I say, turning around again.

"Whatcha cravin'?"  
"Don't know."

We walk further into the store, looking down each aisle before we spot the candies.

I start walking, but then notice that Sora isn't following.

"What's wrong?"  
"Changed my mind." He says hastily, a worried expression on his face.

"What?" I look ahead of us and see the problem.

"Riku?"

My god this guy just can't stop popping up. He must be stalking Sora.

"Yeah, lets just g-"

"-Come on." I move quick, grabbing his hand and holding it tight as we moved closer to the candies. I glance down and smile at Sora.

...

He's about to loose his shit.

We stop in front of the candies isle and I can feel the sweat in between our palms, one part Axel, two parts Sora.

He was shaking, face as red as a cherry.

Sora slowly turns his head up and makes eye contact with me.

It was a mix of:

What the fuck are you doing.

My ex is _right there_ dude.

Holy shit, Hoooly shit.

Ha, this is great.

Without hesitation, I reach my arm around him and pull him closer.

"_Relaaax._ Just pick up a candy and relax." I whisper in his ear.

He reaches out and grabs a bag of sour gummy bears as stiff as a board, but I go with it. What else can I expect from Sora right now, right?

From the corner of my eye I see Riku staring us down like a hawk.

My smirk turns into a grin.

That's right motherfucker, _look at us._

_I want you to see._

"Lets go." I feel Sora slip out from under my arm and I follow him back up the candy isle.

"Wait what?" I catch up to Sora and we're soon paying for the candy.

"Sure that's what you want?"

"Yes."  
"Are you-"  
"_-Yes. I'm sure."_ He says through clenched jaws.

Crap. Now I've gone and pissed him off.

**-x-**

"What the _fuck _was that about?" He paces on forward as though he's about to leave me in the dust.  
"What? I thought was doin' you a favor."

"What you're doing is giving me more shit to deal with."

"Well fuck Sora," I light my cigarette, " Riku's he's a-a fucking dog a lap dog at that. He won't leave until he sees that you're no longer his territory. That's just how it goes that's just how-how dogs work."

So high, I'm stuttering.

We stop in front of the steps of my house.

My chest is beating and I've still got this euphoria pumping about me.

Sora gives me this bewildered look, his soft lips parted as though they don't know where to begin.

Fuck I am that high, huh?

His frown breaks into a smile, he laughs.

"You're way out there, huh?" He begins walking up the steps, shaking his head.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh, nothing."

**-x-**

If there's anything that's got me up and thinking tonight, it's Axel.

We layed next to each other again. Everything is dark except for the small lamp lit across the room. The radio poured out some soothing tunes but nothing was able to stop my racing mind from, well...racing.

Wandering.

Pondering.

His hand fit so well into mine.

His arm around me was even better.

_Shiiiit..._

And when he whispered into my ear...

I could swear...

I-I could swear that his lips brushed up against my skin.

I look over at Axel. His hair has begun to break out of his hair tie, strands of brilliant red hair scattered gently across his face.

I...

I've never been this close to any guy except Riku.

I mean, I've slept next to Roxas and my best friend Hayner before.

But this...

_This is different..._

I catch myself thinking the thought that I had been thinking and slap my face.

_Out of all the men in the world...Axel?_

_You don't even know if he's likes guys._

_And if he doesn't, then that SUCKS._

Double slap.

Someone kill me.

**-x-**

"You're gonna have to do some briefing sooner or later."  
"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"What's going on between you and Sora man? It's not like no one notices. Tell me, you've got a thing for Sora."

I can't help but laugh out loud.

"No, I'm just trying to help him out. I'm not gay..."

"Axel I've never seen you become this good of friends with any guy...Soo...?"  
"What are you saying...?"  
"I'm saying that I think you're bisexual, and you don't even know it yet."

"I-I-I..."

His serious face cracks into a smile, "And _I knew it."_

Fuck! What do I say to that?!

I'm embarrassed at how fast Hiro is able to figure shit out.

"You'd never hang out with a guy that much, let alone sleep in the same bed as them unless you thought that you were eventually going to fuck them. There's no way you'd be this friendly unless you had some sort of attraction towards him."

"Alright!" I slam my balled fist onto the counter top.

"You figured me out, happy now?" I cross my arms and look around, worried that Sora might hear.

"...Don't tell anyone."  
Hiro laughs, "What are we? Third graders?"  
I narrow my eyes, " _Yes."_

"Hey guys?"

I jump and deny eye contact with Sora.

I'm...embarrassed.

"Hey Sora! We were just talking about you..."  
I slap my palms on the counter and they both look at me.

"Aha ha..." I awkwardly drum on the counter.

"Have you seen my phone anywhere?"  
"That's what we were just talking about...Here." Hiro hands over a cell phone.

"Thanks!" Sora walks back out and I nearly loose my shit.

"What is your deal?"

Hiro sticks his tongue out, "I'm your little brother, remember?"

"He's the one who came on to me..."  
"When?"  
"At the party..."  
"Really? What happened?"  
"I'm not gonna tell _you."_

Mom walks in with another suit case. She's all done up in her casual business suit, looking cranky as fuck.

"Where are you off to again?"

She groans, "Business as usual. I'll be back in a few months."

"A few months?"

"Yes Axel, a few months."

"Okay okay."

She started to grow that stern pissed off motherly voice, so I just backed off.

"I'll call the house phone if I need you guys to do anything. I'll call every few weeks to tell you guys where the hidden money for groceries are."

"Hidden? Why is it hidden?"  
She looks at me with a blank expression. "The money I gave both of you guys is yours to spend freely on whatever you find fit, but once you're broke you're broke until you get yourself a fucking job. You both should be happy and thankful that I'm willing to feed you guys still. Especially you, A_xel._"

"Yeah yeah, I'm the bad guy..."

"Hey mom Axel's a little gay."  
"Shut up!"  
She smile slightly, "I know that. He got all pissy when I hit on his boyfriend."  
"He's not my boyfriend."  
They start laughing at me.

"Be good. Both of you." She gives us both a kiss on the cheek before leaving.

I take a deep breath.

"Sora's too good for you, you know."  
"Now you're just pissing me off." I swallow.

He chuckles, "It's true. Even if you did go after him, he'd turn you down. Turn you down," he snaps his fingers, _"Just like that."  
_"And what makes you so fucking sure?" I huff.

He scoffs, "I'm one of Roxas' best friends. I know shit about Sora that you don't. Period."

And that started an itch.

This uncontrollable itch.

I need to scratch it.

"What do you know?"

Hiro's eyes sparkle, and he begins to hum. He turns his back on me and starts peeling an orange.

"You're pissing me off Hiro, what do you know?"

He continues to ignore me.

"I'd have Sora wrapped around my finger in no time...if I tried."

"Bah!" He throws his head back in laughter. I become annoyed, walking up next to him.

"So what am I just a piece of shit?"

"I didn't say that." He shakes his head, chuckling.

"Why am not good enough?"

He walks over to the compost, dumping his orange peels, "Axel Axel Axel..."

"No, I want to know, what's wrong with me?"

"Oh, I don't know..." He sighs, throwing an orange slice in his mouth, "...You're an asshole."

**-x-**

What does he know?

I think I'd be a damn good candidate for Sora.

We'd look pretty good together too.

...At least I'd think so.

...We'd be an item.

Probably better than anything I've ever had with any girl...

Definitely.

I look over and watch Sora as he pounds away at the video game controller.

Bitches about how his brother is addicted...

Ha, I could say the same about him.

He was a rolled up crumpled mess on the floor. He had one of my small blankets wrapped all the way around him up to his chin.

"What's your favorite color?"  
"Blue."

"What do you want to be?"

"What?"  
"Like, when you grow up kind of stuff?"  
"Oh, I'm going to be an explorer."  
"Seriously?"  
"Yes."  
I smile, "Cool. What's your favorite food?"  
"Favorite food? No such thing. Food, is my favorite food."

He's what I want at the moment.

Right now, he's what I want.

...Why am I not good enough for him?

I ask him a hard hitting question.

"You think...think you're ever gonna get back with Riku?"  
I see his eyes dim and he looks down.

"You know...I..." I see the bridge of his nose crinkle as he closes his eyes momentarily.

"I would want to, but he would never take me back. I have to accept the truth. He's just too good for me. I'd only ever end up being his toy again if anything."

Sora smiles and it's sort of breaking my heart.

"That's stupid Sora for you." He mocks himself.

**-x-**

After playing video games for a while I lose interest and we watch T.V and share a bowl instead.

Soon after we're good and high Axel finally pops the question.

"Wanna go get something to eat?"

"_Yes. I would love to..."_

We walk downstairs and noticed that Hiro was watching T.V with a random girl. We slip into the kitchen quietly and begin looking around for snacks.

I open a cabinet filled with nothing but canned peas.

Three shelves, full.

Just canned peas.

"Is this some sort of joke Axel...?"  
"My mom loves peas."  
"Gross..."  
I hear the kitchen door open as I dig through the pea cabinet, thinking that it's ammo for another prank war instead.

"What is she doing here?" Axel sounds mortified.  
"Gee Axel that's a nice way to greet someone you once cared about..."  
"Shut up I wasn't talking to you. Hiro! What's she doing here?"  
I turn around and see this familiar looking face from school.

Her blonde hair slicked back except two large strands. Her face said something sour, she gave me a headache just looking at her.

"Free game." Hiro says nonchalantly, pouring two glasses of water.

Axel is now staring him down.

"This _isn't _funny." I hear the anger in Axels voice brewing and it slightly worries me.  
"I'm not trying to be funny."

"Larxene, get the fuck out."

_Ohhh...this is awkward..._

His ex. Now I get it.

"Larxene go wait in the living room."

She sighs, "_Fine._"

She walks out and now the tension really sets in.

"Why are you fucking around with one of my ex's?"  
Hiro scoffs, "It's your ex. You always talk shit about her and you guys broke up years ago. You don't give a flying fuck about anyone you date anyways."

Silence.

"...You really just said that...huh?"Axel's voice slowly breaks up and he falls silent. His green eyes stare down at the dark marble counter top.

"Hiro hurry up!" She calls from the other living room.

"You can't deny a word I just said."

"I'm leaving! Goodbye Hiro, you missed your chance!"

We hear the front door open and close.

"She'll be back." He comments.

"You've got a lot of fucking balls, you know that?" Axel loses all expression on his face and walks out.

"Jesus Christ Hiro don't you think your laying the cream on a little too thick?"

I put the can of peas down on the counter and approach him.

"Axel needs humility. You wouldn't understand."  
"It looked like you were just calling him out for no reason to me..."  
"You don't know what you're talking about."

I don't respond.

"Maybe I don't, but that was still pretty...low." I say before walking towards the kitchen door.  
"Why? Just because you like him? You feel s_orry _for him? Shows what you know..."  
I take a deep breath in and ignore his last comment, walking out of the kitchen. I see Axel march past me and I sense his anger blow past me.

"Hey what are you-?"  
He slams the kitchen door open and I hear loud thuds.

By the time I'm back in the kitchen I see Axel holding Hiro's face up against the wall.

"You slimy _fuck!" _He muttered as he held Hiro's head against the wall. I run over and grab his wrists, holding them up and back. Blood was dripping from his fists.

"Axel Axel Axel!" I pull him off immediately and see that Hiro's nose is just a blooded mess.

"You're...you're just a bitch Axel." Hiro sneers, flipping him off one.

Axel's wrist slips my grip and he reacts with one left hook to Hiro's face.

I grab Axel's wrist and pull him back," Axel I said stop!"

Hiro laughs, stumbling out of the kitchen and I am left with a furious Axel. He tries to push past me but I push him up against the counter.

His fists are shaking and I'm as close as I ever been to Axel, holding his two wrists down and pressing him up against the counter.

He breathes heavy, like a dragon ready to blow fire.

"Calm down." I say firmly.

He begins to push off of me and I tighten my grip, bucking him back into the counter.

"You've gotta have more will power than that, Axel."

He stops completely and his face flares up.

He breathes in,"I need a cigarette...!"


	6. Chapter 6

Axel had brought out more than a cigarette. Two cases of premium lager to 'forget the bullshit.'

"You're pretty strong you know that?" He smirks, taking a huge first drag of his cigarette. His left hand was covered in dry blood. Hiro's I would guess.

I stretch, "Aw you don't have to tell me that."

He laughs, "Cocky motherfucker."

We end up goofing around for most of the night, forgetting everything that had just happened.

"You ever...ever wonder why it never snows here?"  
"The climate...it's tropical."  
"That...doesn't make sense."  
I begin to snort, "Of course it does."

I continue, "I've never seen snow before. Kairi tells me that it's fun. Cold and edible...wonder what it tastes like."

"Really? You've never seen snow before?"  
"Never. Have you?"  
"Of course I have. Every winter back at Hollow Bastion, it snows."

"Lucky..."

"Well, we can have a simulation. A fake snowball fight."  
"How?"  
"Easy." He slurs out, "C'mon."

**-x-**

"Oh ya, this is _totally _a good idea. This is, this is great." I weave back and forth, trying to make a decent ball of sand.  
"Whether you're being sarcastic or not, you're doin' it."

"...Thank you."

"You're welcome."

We stood about ten feet across from each other on the shores now. The tide was low and it was barely visible.

"Now," Axel held up both pointer fingers, "the rules are, no throwing at the face. And uh...Alright. Ready?"  
I shrug, "A-Alright."

Before I could get a good handle on my sand-ball I get hit in the face by an explosion of sand.

I close my eyes and feel bits of sand travel into my ear and mouth.

"Ah!" I nearly fall to the ground. I start wiping my face off.

"What the fuck!?"  
"Shit! Sora! I'm sorry!" He calls out, running closer to me.

"I'm so sorry!"

"You said no throwing at the face!"

"I'm sorry." He tries to hold back a smile but breaks up laughing instead.

"I'm...so sorry...!" He says through laughter.

I make my sand-ball ten times bigger and smash his face with it.

We threw sand balls at each other until high tide kicked in. From there, we trudged back up to Axel's house, covered head to toe in sand and laughing.

"Loser." He shoves me aside.  
"You're the one who lost sore loser." I push back harder, making him trip over.

"Hahaha lose-" He slams his whole body into me and we both fall.

"Ow...shit Axel..." I feel my head hit the ground hard and close my eyes.

We start snorting.

I open my eyes and see his vibrant green eyes staring back at me.

They don't budge.

My God...

They're the most beautiful eyes I've seen on a guy. His gaze is steady.

I let my eyes trace down the bridge of his cute nose, straight down to his elegant soft lips cracked in a smile.

I feel my face become hot and I blink.

His face grows red and his smile fades a bit.

I see the sudden worry in his eyes.

"S-Sorry." He stands up in a rush and holds out his hand.

I shake myself out of the trance, taking his hand to stand up.

His face is still red as he smiles at me once again.

"We should probably shower. Sand gets into everything."

**-x-**

I sat on the bottom bunk of the bed, drying my hair after my shower. Axel finally emerges from the bathroom, his long red hair covering most of his face. He surprised me, with nothing but his towel wrapped around his waist.

"You used up all the hot water." He points at me.

"Sorry."  
"It's alright, I needed a cold one anyways."

We make eye contact and I started laughing.

_Crap. I was supposed to laugh about that in my head._

"No, I didn't mean that I! I mean I-I..."Axel realized the connection I made in my head.

"I'm sorry...!"I laugh. He smiles bashfully, looking away from me.

"Get your head out of the gutters." He closes the closet door quickly and comes out dressed in shorts.

**-x-**

We calm down by watching a shitty sci-fi movie made for television.

Axel let me start sleeping on the edge after realizing that I couldn't see the t.v over his poofy hair.

"These movies are always crap." He groans.

I wish he would hold me, truth be told.

Feeling the warmth from another person every night like this, but not being able to hold them is driving me crazy.

I hear my phone vibrate and pull it up from under the bed.

One message from Riku.

"_Goodnight."_

_Goodnight?_

"What is that supposed to even mean..." I groan out, dropping my phone.

"What? Another text from what's his face?"  
"He texted me goodnight."

"Tell him to go fuck himself."  
"Axel."

"You'd be happier if you gave him what he deserves, you know it."  
"What?"

"I'm trying to help you with this prick, can't you tell? I know what I'm doing. Here, let me demonstrate."

"What do you mean?"

Axel reaches over and grabs my phone.

"Wait what are you doing?" I turn around and try to grab it but he pushes me away with one arm.

"Stop! I'm not doing what you think I am, calm down!" He says with a wicked smile.

"No I don't believe you!"  
"_Soooraaaa," _He whines out, "Just watch! I'm texting someone I know."

"You swear?"  
"Yes."

I relax my composure and in a quick second Axel extends his arm out again, holding my forehead back with his fucking monkey arms.

"Fuck...you...Riku...I'm too busy...for you...now...Good...night." Axel recites as he types out the message on my phone.

"Axel! Wai-"

"-Send." He hits the send button before shutting off my phone and taking it apart.

"I can't believe you just did that..." I looked at him horrified.

"Riku's gonna think that we're...I'm...we-"

He grins, "-He already thinks that. That's the point. It's your turn to push back. I'm sure you've pretended to be Kairi's boyfriend before, haven't you?"

"Yeah but-"

"-Now relax and watch this shitty movie with me."

"No way man. He's gonna be bitching left and right and-"

I try to make a move for my phone parts, but Axel drops them in the crack between the wall and the bed.

"-_He's _not your boyfriend anymore. I am, and he knows it. He s_ees_ it, you get me? Now lay down."

Axel flips me around and wraps his arm around me, holding on to the ledge of the bunk bed so I couldn't move.

"We're watching the movie this way, and we're falling asleep this way. A_aaand_ if I feel your presence so much as leave this bed, I'll watch you like a hawk. _A hawk._"

So I lay still.

Take a breather.

"...Okay." I say

**-x-**

I wake up earlier than usual this morning, smashed up against the wall. Sora's laying flat on his back, arms open as though he's Jesus, taking up the whole fucking bed.

Nice.

_I wonder if Hiro made anything for breakfast..._

_Oh wait._

_Ah._

_Crap._

I stand up recalling the four blows I delivered to Hiro's face yesterday.

_Maybe he's home..._

I check the top bunk and see his pair of clothes from yesterday on the bed.

Sora stirs in between the sheets, slowly opening his eyes. He turns his head towards me, eyes squinted.

"What's up...?" He asks in a half asleep tone, his eyes slowly closing up again.

"Looking for Hiro."  
"Oh...yeah...you should apologize..." Sora flips on his stomach, pulling the blankets over his shoulders.

"Apologize? Why?" I ask.

"Because you probably broke his nose Axel...don't be a jerk." He says sleepily.

"He could be fucking my ex."

"Axeeel..." He sighs, stretching out before sitting up in the bed.

"The rest of the world could be fucking her. Why do you care enough to hurt your brother? Why do you care at all? You never loved her...Right?"

"Yes, I never loved her."

She is the last person I would fall in love with.

I'd settle down with a rock before I'd ever love her.

A snail.

A puddle of fucking water, before I would ever love her.

"Okay then. I need to go pee." He stands up and walks to the bathroom.

"Ugh...I hate apologizing." I grab my pack of smokes from the dresser.

I walk out my bedroom door and walk straight to the kitchen, noticing his absence in the living room.

"Hiro?" I called out walking in, but no one was there.

I smelled cleaning chemicals and noticed the blood that was splattered on the walls and floor from yesterday was non-existent.

...So maybe I went a _little _too far yesterday.

"Hiro!" I yell out, hoping for a response. I open the dining room door and see him sitting at the table, eating a bowl of cereal. He doesn't look over, acting as though I never entered the room.

"Hey, I was looking for you."

His eyes roll to me, "I know."

He continues to eat his bowl of cereal as I awkwardly stand at the doorway. His nose was lightly bandaged up and his cheek was bruised. Other than that though he looked pretty...okay.

….He's pissed.

He hates me.

"Hiro I'm sorry." I blurt out, holding onto the doorway like a scared child.

"Shove your sorry up your fucking asshole, shit it out, and eat it." He stands up, dropping his spoon filled with cereal in his bowl of milk. He picks it up and pushes past me into the kitchen.

"Come on Hiro talk to me. I don't want you to be mad." I stand behind him.

"No."  
"Hiro. Just sit down and have a smoke with me, we need to talk this out." I follow him into the living room.

"Why should I give you the time of day? You fractured my fucking nose! All because you can't ever handle hearing the cold hard fucking truth about yourself! Why should I talk to you!?" He turns around, stopping only inches away from my face.

I pull out my pack of smokes and hold it up to his face.

"Come on. Because brothers talk it out, friends walk away."

After a few moments of hesitation, Hiro pulls a cigarette out from the box and I take mine out. "You didn't talk it out yesterday..."He mumbles. We sit on the couch and light our cigarettes.

"So. Start talking."

"I'm sorry." I say.

"Why?"  
"What do you mean why?"  
"Why?"  
"I...violence isn't the answer."

"Ha! I'm leaving-"

"-No wait! I mean it, I'm sorry. I..."

I take a deep one, "I was pissed that you brought Larxene for whatever reason you would even want her over..."

I look over to him and back at the t.v.

I sigh and look down at my hands.

Back at him, he looks impatient and disgruntled.

I didn't want to say everything.

But...

"...But I was more pissed that you had to say that stuff while Sora was around."  
"What?"

"Say what you want, just...just don't ruin things for me. Fuck my exes and have a party, just don't ruin things for me." I try to keep things simple.

Silence soon took over and we didn't exchange a word until we were down to half of our cigarettes.

He then finally breaks the silence.

"_Are you serious?"_ Hiro asks me in disbelief.

"What?"

_Shit, what is he gonna say now...? Please don't make this awkward..._

"So what, you really are trying to go out with Sora now?" He's smiling a little and I fidget in my seat. I lean forward, "No. Why were you being such an asshole yesterday anyway?" I change the subject, feeling embarrassed about my crush.

He shrugs, "I wasn't fucking your ex, I was just buying shit off of her."

"What?"  
"Well yeah, I need to buy my drugs _somewhere_."

"You aren't shooting up again, right?"  
"No. I wanted a hookup for some good acid. But she left anyways, you remember. I was pissed at you for taking some of moms coke. You aren't supposed to be touching that shit, remember?"

Ah, and that is why he was such an asshole.

"That's really why I called you out I guess... That shit eventually made you psychotic and got you arrested. You promised me you would never touch it again. Mom told me. She told me you took a big fat line."

"Well, I-"  
"-I don't want to hear your excuses okay? You know what it did to us. You wouldn't want me touching dope again, would you?"

I sigh, "I get it."

"I'm serious! Because of that shit you burned down our house and we had no place to go! We had no place to go while you had room and board at jail..."

Hiro finishes his cigarette and puts it out.

I feel the guilt that I never like to think about seeping back into my brain.

It hurts, it burns actually.

I burnt down our house, leaving Hiro and my mother shit out of luck when it came to food and shelter. They could've ran back to my dad and said to hell with me. God knows my dad would love it if I was dead to them.

But they never abandoned me even after that happened.

I deal with the guilt every day still.

How could I have been such a fuck up?

"I thought I'd never have my brother back...just stay away from it."

I see just how upset it makes him, and I feel like a dip shit.

"I'm not who I was back then."  
He doesn't say a word.

"I'm serious. When you're in a cell 22 hours a day with no drugs you start to think... I'm not the same. I'll never let any substance I consume change me for the worse like I once let it."  
"So you're basically saying that your gonna keep on doing it." He responds angrily.

"What I'm saying is that I'm not out of control. And I'll never be out of control. Just put a little faith in me. I'm not some drug addict looking for my next fix, I actually have hobbies. Hobbies that include things other than fucking girls and sniffing white powder. I actually _do_ things. I went to the store the other day, I sit out in the back and star gaze, I made a friend at school, Hiro. You know that never happens."

I see him smile and I know I've won him back.

"Don't worry about me so much. I'm sorry okay? You forgive me?"  
"...Yeah, I guess. I'm sorry too."

We shake hands.

"But I deserve one good punch."  
"In the face?"  
"Yes in the face! I spent the whole night in the fucking E.R for my nose AND I never got the acid I wanted!"

"Alright, fine."

"Cool."

Boom.

"Ah...!" I grab my nose, laying my head face down on the arm of the couch. We both start laughing.

"Stupid." He comments.

"So, you actually like Sora?"  
I sit up, wiping the tears from my eyes,"I...yes."  
"Wow..."He strokes his chin.

"So, what, do you like other guys now too?"

I start laughing, embarrassed, "Shut up."

I stand up and start heading towards the stairs.

"Wait, maybe I can help you!"

"Help? Ha! You think I'm gonna need _help?_ Ha!"

"I think you'll need tons. I can wait, you'll come back asking for my help in no time." He smiles.

"Whatever."

**-x-**

I'm knee deep in racing and I hear the door open and close.

"How'd it go?"I ask.

"Good."  
"You guys cool now?"

"Yeah, we're cool." He said.

"Good." I pause my game and look at Axel.

"What happened?!" I see the cut that's streaked across the bridge of his nose.

"Pay back."  
"You guys talked it out...right?"  
"Yeah! I just let him give me one."  
I shrug, "I guess."

**-x-**

Axel has agreed to surf with me today. I'm waiting out back, prepping mine and my brothers surf board for the lively waves today.

"Well, today's the day I die. Rely the message onto my mother." He says, putting his hands on his hips.

Axel's body was lean yet built beautifully. His skin was flawless and fair, he somehow avoided the sun tan that Destiny offered its residents. His hair fell past his shoulders, shining brilliantly in the sunlight.

He squints his eyes, looking out at the waves.

"Soo...how far out are we going?"  
"Far enough to swim, far enough to catch the waves."

He closes his eyes, "God help me..."  
"Don't worry, we'll only go out to water that's at least up to our waists. Not a water boy? " I ask, smiling.

Axel shakes his head furiously, "No. No, no. Just...no."

"Lets try to change some of that today."

Hiro comes out with sunglasses and a pipe. "This should be _good._"

"Oh _fuck you."_

He takes a hit before Axel snatches it out of his hands.

"Give me this, I'm about to die..." He takes a long hit and passes it to me.

I take my hit before handing it back.

"Sora get ready to bring Axel in. He'll pass out on you."

"You that scared of the ocean, Ax?" I ask him.

"No..." He frowns, crossing his arms.

Me and Hiro laugh together.

"I just don't like how much we don't know about it. We don't know what's in there, we don't know where the bottom is... It's just this mysterious pool of water with sharks and gigantic fucking squids popping out of it, and I'm supposed to think that me and little Johnny over here can swim in it without a worry? I don't give a fuck if I can still see the shore from the waters, the fact that a jellyfish can come up and paralyze my ass right there in the water, see...there's something wrong there. That's just not right." He shakes his head, sitting on the ground next to me.

"It's called nature, Axel. Mother nature."  
"I don't trust that cum guzzling whore of a mother."

Before we go anywhere near the water, I teach Axel the basics of paddling and standing up. He looks worried, but he refuses to back down every time I ask him if he's sure he wants to go through with it.

**-x-**

"Alright, before we go into the water I should tell you a few more things."  
Me and Sora are standing before the shore, our boards laying on the sand floor.

"First off: You're gonna fall. You're gonna fall off your board, multiple times, and you're gonna drink tons of sea water."

"Okay." I swallow.

"You... do know how to swim right? Not dog paddle, but actually swim?"

"Of course I do! I don't suck that much. I wouldn't be doing this if I wasn't sure that I could swim."

Sora laughs,"Okay, well, if the ocean starts pulling you in, swim that way, or that way. Never towards the shore, and never towards the ocean. Know why?"  
"Why?"  
"Rip currents. Also, keep an eye on the waves at all time. So, don't freak out. Because when you start freaking out you start dying. And you _will_ die if you start freaking out. So, you know. Don't freak out." He says nonchalantly. I gasp and Sora starts laughing harder.

"Sora what do you mean? What do you mean by that?"  
"Don't worry, I already checked out the waters today, this is little kids stuff. I got your back!" He gives me a thumbs up.

Out in the waters I'm shivering cold, holding on tight to Roxas' grey and white surf board as I watch the waves like a hawk.

"Don't you want to go in a little deeper?"  
I shake my head.

"Ax, we're in three feet deep."

"So? I think this is...surf worthy?"

Sora begins to tug the front of my board, pulling me deeper into the water.

"S-Sora?"

"Alright. Now we're talkin'!" He hops back onto his board.

"We're in too deep Sora..." I say, looking around frantically.

"Axel we're in four feet deep. I think you'll be fine if you fall off your board."

"I'm gonna drown."

"Knock on wood."

I glare at him, before knocking on the surf board.

"You need to just _chill._ Become one with the waves, move like you're part of it, not like you're trying to survive. If a wave takes you under, relax and hold your breath, you'll be up before you can count to ten. _Zen is the key." _Sora holds on to his crown necklace, explaining with confidence that I need not be scared.

"How do you feel right now?"

"Like my dick packed up my balls and moved further north inside my body." I shivered.

"And that's natural."

We sit on the waters for a few moments, passing up waves until 'the perfect one' arrived.

"Alright, start paddling."

"Soraaa!" I start paddling for my life and the wave passes over me.

I'm submerged under the salty waterbed and hear nothing but the whoosh of the waves as the pass over me. I remember Sora's advice and eventually float up to the surface.

I cling onto my board and see Sora riding the waves on his board.

_Backwards._

He salutes to me with a grin before turning around on his board again.

"Holy shit..." I say to myself as he waves to me.

He's riding like a professional, balancing on the board until wave dies out at the very end.

He gets back on his board and starts paddling out to me.

"That was amazing!" I call out.

"Thank you!"

I see Sora's facial expression change and I turn around to see what he was afraid of.

Oh, a massive wave has manifested itself behind me.

How nice.

"Shit!" I filled with panic, paddling with great strength. I saw Sora pushing his palms up towards the sky, as though he was telling me to stand up.

_STAND UP BASTARD._

I push myself up onto my feet, weaving and waving before reaching that one whole second where I was riding the waves.

It's funny, I though I was actually _doing _it.

What a joke.

**-x-**

I see huge sea wall of water sneak up on Axel. He starts paddling for his life, then stands as I instruct him to from the shore.

And man, he's riding, like a natural.

I'll never forget that smile.

I helplessly watch as the huge wave takes Axel over

I frantically scan the surface of the ocean now. I spot Roxas' board bobbing up and down on the waves, Axel just barely hanging onto it. He looked motionless.

"Shit!" I push my board up the shore run back into the waters, paddling with all my might, trying to get to Axel before the next wave comes and takes him out to sea.

"Axel!" I pulled him up on the board even more before paddling us both back onto land.

"Axel! Axel!" I shook his face and smacked it.

But he didn't respond.

He layed there, eyes closed and motionless.

"Oh man...!" I feel tears reaching my eyes and I stand up, waving Hiro over to us.

He spots me wildly flinging my arms and starts running over. No one else can help me, the beaches have been empty all day.

I kneel back down to Axel and push aside his heavy wet strands of hair.

"What happened?!" Hiro asks, breathing heavily.

"He got caught up in this huge wave, he didn't see it coming."

"Well don't just stand there! Do something! CPR!" Hiro yells at me wide eyed.

"I've never done CPR I've only watched videos of it!"

"Well you better start doing whatever the fuck you learned!"

I look down at Axel's seemingly lifeless body.

He looked so peaceful, I didn't want that.

_Come on and give me a mean mug, Axel. Wake up!_

I pinch his nose and for the first time my lips touch another boys except Riku's .

Oh, how I wish the circumstances were better.

I give him five rescue breaths before sea water comes spewing from his mouth.

He lurches to the side and begins coughing up sea water as me and Hiro pat his back.

"He's alive!" Hiro rejoices.

"Axel I am so sorry." I say to him. But he's still coughing up water and trapped air.

Axel falls onto his back again, obviously exhausted. He puts up two devil horns with his right hand, "Rock n' Roll...that was...that was awesome."

He passes out flat on the board.

I exhale.

"Come on, we better get this loser back home."


	7. Chapter 7

"You should've seen it, Hiro! He was riding it like a pro!"

"You don't say?"

"Yeah, I've never seen anyone catch a wave like _that _on their first time!"

_Ugh...what's that?_

_I'm...not in the ocean anymore._

"So glad he isn't dead, thanks for giving him CPR. I could've done it, but I don't want to kiss my brother, blech."

"Hiro!"

"Just kidding! Look at you all red over there-"

"-Shut up!"

Hiro snorts, "Ha!"

_CPR?...But I feel fine..._

"Did you like it?"  
"I'm...not answering that."  
"Ah."

_What? What do you mean you're not answering that?_

"Did he ruin the moment by spitting sea water in your mouth?"

_I spit water up in his mouth? Shit...no wonder he's not answering the question...aw man._

"You're such an asshole...No."

"So you did like it! Or you didn't?"

I hear Sora groan out loud, "You suck Hiro."

"I just don't get what's going on between Axel and you...that's all."

_God I wish I could pass out again. This conversation is killing me..._

**-x-**

We finally reach the back patio and lower the board carefully.

"Think he should go to the hospital? He's been knocked out for a while."  
"Nah, he's been faking it the last hundred feet. You hear that Ax? We know you heard us. I'll be inside, it's too hot out here for my taste."

I see Axel beginning to frown and he rises off of the board.

"You okay?" I ask quickly, worried about his current state.

"I'm...fine. I don't think I'll be doing that for a while."  
"I understand, I'm surprised the board didn't break once it touched down." I hold my hand out and notice the redness develop under his dewy tattoos. I've never seen him look at me the way he is right now.

He grabs my hand and uses it as leverage to stand.

**-x-**

"Sorry about the whole drowning part today."

Axel and I were sitting in my car eating burgers at the same fast food joint we ate at on graduation day.

"It's alright, I should've been out there with you, maybe then you wouldn't have been underwater long enough to suck in all the water you did. You were still pretty good."

"What do you mean pretty good?"

"Well, you rode the wave for about a good three seconds before you got taken down."  
"What? Really?"  
"Yeah, you don't remember?"  
He shakes his head, "Nah, last thing I remember was water hitting my back really hard...then all this water went up my nose. I remember rushing to the surface and grabbing something, but I just passed out. I don't know..." He sighs.

"Why such a phobia against water?"

"It's a secret."

"A secret?"  
"Yeah, haven't you ever heard of one?"

"Of course, asshole."

"Well well, I'll tell you a secret for a secret, if you really want to know."  
"A secret for a secret...?"  
"Yeah, and that's only because you're my friend. You saved my life...thanks for doin' that stuff..." Axel looked away, scratching at his neck.

"Anyways, secrets. Guess I should tell you why I'm afraid of the ocean. It was the last time I saw my dad. He lived with Hiro, my mom and I at our old house when we moved to Destiny. A two bedroom flat, nothin' too nice or special. I was throwing my ball around, getting ready to go to the park and then I miscalculated. I missed the ball by an inch and it knocked over this pile of coke he had to sell since he was in major debt with his dealer. It was all lost into our carpet. My mom wasn't home, neither was Hiro. So he dragged me in his car and took me out to sea on his boat. Once it was just us, he unloaded everything he felt about me. How he hated me and wished my mother had aborted me, the beatings she put my mom through just because I existed. Said the only reason I was as fucked up as I was, was because he made me that way. I used to set anything I could find half alive on fire, mostly birds and rodents like squirrels and rats. I'd carry around a small tin of lighter fluid and matches, just burning shit until everything was right with the world. Well, I was the fucked up red-headed child that he still wanted to abort. So he did, he tied a bag of bricks to my leg and threw me over. And...I think I died."

I watched Axel stare aimlessly out of the windshield, holding his second burger untouched.

"I was fighting it, but after awhile I just started feeling good. Really good, like I never wanted to leave. So I just closed my eyes. I woke up at my house, and my mom then took me to the hospital. She told me to say that I went out swimming with friends. When I went back to the beach with Hiro a few weeks later, I started having a panic attack. I ran, then told him some lie about a shark." Axel wrapped up his burger and started lighting a cigarette.

"So...Hiro doesn't know?"

I let him sit in his silence, before saying, "We can fix it."

It was a bold move, but maybe one day the favor will be returned.

"What?"

"Something like that, all it takes is for the good memories to overlap the bad. We can fix it."

We start to drive back.

"I don't think it's gonna work."

"Well, we're friends right? Trust me already, I know what it's like."  
"To drown?"  
"Well, yes, I surf so it's part of the deal. But I also know what it's like to enjoy something I used to be scared of. Just trust me."

**-x-**

Summers been good to me so far, we're almost half-way through.

I catch Axel from the corner of my eyes, staring me down sometimes. I wonder what he's thinking about?

It'll be one more week before I can go back home, and I can't help but think that he has something on his mind.

Like today, I was trying to help Hiro bake a cake. I couldn't help but notice that while he was holding up his magazine and pretending to read it, his eyes were still very much visible to me. Staring dead at me.

I mean, _he just didn't stop._

At points it really starts to creep me out.

I don't think Riku ever stared me down like he is right now.

But I'm okay with it after a while...

And I liked it by the end.

"Man, who knew it was so tough to make one of those by scratch. Where'd you learn how to bake Sora?"

"My mom, Kairi and Namine. Also, I follow the cookbook instead of dumping whatever smells good together in a bowl."

-x-

How is it that I'm thinking about him...more than I normally would?

What has changed since then and now that's got me all worked up?

He still _looks_ the same.

He _sounds_ the same...

Kind of.

His voice has taken this sultry tone to it...every time I notice that it's Sora speaking, I stop everything just to hear what he's saying.

I've had a few thoughts about sex...but I shake those thoughts every time they seem to come.

He's just a friend.

A friend that I have the teeniest crush on.

...Right?

**-x-**

The sunset was stunning tonight. I sat out back by myself, Axel and Hiro were out grocery shopping. Once again my phone was ringing off the hook.

It was Riku, and I feared what he had to tell me this time.

_Maybe he wants to make up with you..._

_No, he's not that kind of guy, it was always me making up with him._

_...So what? Maybe that's why he wants to make up with you._

"..."

"Hello?" I hear Riku ask sharply across the receiver.

"Hello?"

I begin to hear him laugh, "Sora..."

"Riku...?"  
"...You fucking _slut."_

He begins laughing again. "Riku-"

"-Shut up! All I ever fucking wanted from you was to love me. Was that so much to fucking ask?"  
"What the hell are you talking about?"

_Is he...drunk?_

"Don't act dumb with me. You've been leaving me in the dark, and now I've found someone to do the things you flat out refused to do for me. How does it feel, _to be hated?_"  
"I-I can't believe what I'm hearing from you...Riku, I...I-"

"-You're no one to me. You're just a speck of fucking dust in the wind. I'll make sure you regret what hell you've put me through."  
"What hell I've put you through? You were the one always in it for your fucking self! It..." I start to cry.

"How many times are you gonna try to commit suicide before you finally fucking succeed, huh?"

_Riku...don't do this to me..._

"Please-"

"-There's no fucking point, I hate you."  
"I...I'm sorry."

_Riku...please._

**-x-**

"Sora we're home!" I call out into the house.

"Still gaining a slight obsession?"  
"Shut up."

Me and Hiro walk to the kitchen with the groceries.

"Did you get all the things mom wanted on the list?"  
"Yeah."

What's the point of getting her shit if she won't be home for another few months?

"I'll be back, I'm gonna go see what Sora's doing."

"I could've guessed that."

I walk out of the kitchen and run upstairs to my room.

No sign.

I run back downstairs and approaching the backdoor, I notice he's on the phone with someone.

_Better not be that asshole..._

But it is.

I see Sora gripping and throwing his hands about, his voice raising and falling as though he had already been through the motions of crying.

"I never wanted to hurt you!" I hear him shout into the receiver.  
"Why? I...I can't tell you, I'm sorry!"

Sora notices me from the corner of his eyes, scared.

"That's it..." I slide the backdoor open and step in front of him.  
His eyes were bloodshot and teary, as though he had been going at this for a while.

He was losing.

I held my hand out, signaling him to give me the phone.

"No."  
"Yes."  
"No..."

I lean down and front of him and smile, "We're friends right?"

His big blue eyes looked up at me like they belonged to lost puppies.

He nods, and I slowly take the phone away from his ear, "Trust me." I whisper to him.

"Trust me..." I reassure him by grabbing his hand.

It's so warm, like the first time we held hands.

I squeezed it hard, holding the phone up to my ear.

"Hello?"  
"Who the fuck are you?"  
"Sora's new boyfriend, Axel. Find another ex to harass, this one's getting over you."  
"Axel...you think you're so fucking smooth. Don't _touch _Sora."  
"I think it's mine and Sora's choice if we want to touch, don't you think?" I sit down next to Sora and give him a smile. He blushes before looking away slightly.

Riku starts to shout out obscenities, saying every damn nasty thing he could about Sora.

As he's shouting in the receiver, I pull it away from my ear for a quick second before going in for the kill.

"Just because you left the best goddamn thing that's ever happened to you and regret it doesn't mean you can come back expecting everything to go back to normal after you got your rocks off fucking around. Grow up! He doesn't _want_ you any more he doesn't _need _you anymore, got it? He's over you, you jellyfish fucker." I hang up the phone before ripping out the battery and throwing it into the sand.

**-x-**

"Sora, you can't go back to him."

"But-"

"-But nothing, Don't you have any self-esteem? A guy like that's only gonna bring you down."  
"He's...the only one-"

"-Horse shit. You need to love yourself a little more than that, but I guess that's what friends are for, right?"

Axel held onto my hand even tighter than before. "What was a guy like you doing with a shit head like that? Sora..."

I breakdown, was it the truth? Was Riku really the shithead he was presenting himself to be? It felt like an illusion. He didn't just say all the things he did, did he?

"You're so much better than that." He stares me down.

Our faces only inches apart, God knows what I was thinking about doing to those lips.

He bites down on his bottom lip, blushing, but his eyes stayed on mine.

He smiles slightly, "Sora..."

And we let the moment last forever, as the sunset threw its splay of colors at us we sat still, hand in hand, okay with eachother.

Everything was okay.

Axel was right.

"Axel!"

We jump apart, startled by Hiro's sudden interruption.

"Oh, uh, I need your help. Just...you know." Hiro awkwardly slips back into the house and we look at eachother again.

This tinge of awkwardness mixed with the tinge of excitement got me standing up again.

From that moment on, I never looked at Axel the same.

"Thank you."  
"Don't thank me."  
"...Thank you."


	8. Chapter 8

Since that moment in the back patio, things between me and Axel haven't been the same.

Things have gotten...heh...well...

He's a bit flirtatious at times. And he smiles at me when he catches me looking at him.

But I guess that's open for anyone to judge. Hiro tells me he thinks Axel has a thing for me, but at other times it just feels like we're just the best of friends. Like any intimate emotion being felt was scripted.

Scripted to fool Riku into believing we're an item.

In the streets or when we'd go to the park, Axel knew when Riku was around, and he'd be on top of it every time.

Every time he grabs my hand, or puts his arm around me, it'd be for Riku.

It'd be for the sake of fooling Riku.

Because God knows Axel is a ladies man. Meant only for the women of the town Destiny, he, like many other guys my age around here, were off limits to me.

But I'd be lying if I didn't say that I was fooled myself at times. He smells _damn good_ and I'm a sucker for that.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't thrust myself under his arm every time he offered.

Today, my house is finally free of all hazardous chemicals. I went back home to see what state our house had been left in.

"They didn't do much damage, thank God!" My mom rejoiced seeing the emptied basement. It was cleared of all the chemicals Donny had been brewing with.

"I can have my house back!" She spun in a circle in the middle of the basement.

**-x-**

"She's bullshit." Roxas says as I follow him upstairs.

"Why?"  
"Dad always comes back. No matter what, she always takes him back. Bullshit."  
"Maybe it'll be different."  
Roxas turns to me before going into his room, "Remember all those times you thought that before? Dad'll be back in no time, and this house will be the same thing it's been ever since _he _left us."

Roxas refers to my dad as 'Him'. 'He' doesn't have a name under this room for his punishable crime of abandonment.

**-x-**

I sat in my room and came to a realization that Roxas was right.

My mother never had the strength to be alone.

What's it going to be like for her and Roxas once I go? Will they be alright without me to stand in the middle of things?

I don't want them to take what I've been taking for them ever since I came out.

But sometimes I wonder...would it even be that bad once the gay son leaves?

Would they be a happy family, without me?

I sigh, falling back on my bed.

If only...

My phone buzzes and I quickly take it out of my pocket.

"_Hey."  
"What's going on?"  
"Nothing...kinda boring here. So, you know."  
_

I find his inability to be direct 's funny, sometimes I don't answer his texts for a while just to see what he comes up with.

Roxas cusses me out.

Kairi sends me tons of dick pics.

But Ax, he tends to lead the conversation with only himself.

"_Hey."  
"HEY. SORA."_

"_That's fine, I kno what you're doing."  
"Asshole."  
"...Hey what are you doing?"  
"I want to go somewhere."_

"_Fun, FUN. Hows about it?"  
"I'll come by and key your car with Hiro's glass cutting nipples."_

"_Just kidding, don't tell him I said anything about his nipples. Happy fun time now? Yeah, happy fun time."  
_

"Jesus Ax..." I say to myself, reading all the messages he sends in such a short amount of time.

"_Where do you want to go?"  
"UGH FINALLY. Lets go somewhere."  
"Where?"  
"To the mountains! I've got gas money and foooood. C'mon, it's a cool spot."  
"I guess."_

"_Sweet, come home."  
_

_Home..._

_Wait, home?_

**-x-**

"Where are we going?" I ask as Axel throws two backpacks and a miniature cooler in the back of my seat.

"The mountains, know how to get there?"  
"Yeah, Hayner used to live by there."  
"Oh yeah."

As we drove further out to the eastern part of Destiny roads became less common, and we eventually got on a two way windy road that would lead us to the more native part of Destiny, where people still build their houses by hand with straw and wood. Everything took a more natural, traditional turn. We were on a curvy rode, going higher up into the mountains. We could see Destiny Island for miles beyond the green trees.

"Where am I going?"  
"There's going to be a turn in the road in a—right here take it now!"  
I cut my wheel to the right and quickly break before slamming my front bumper into a fence.

"_Niiice."_

I back up just enough and we get out. I inspect the front end off my car, relieved that it's not fucked up.

A tall rusted fence blocked our way to a steep hill, surrounded by tall trees and bushes. On the fence was a sign saying "KEEP OUT" with red fading letters.

We grab the two backpacks and his miniature cooler.

"What's back here?"  
Axel smiles, "My favorite spot, I almost forgot about it."  
"How are we gonna get through?"  
"Easy, do as I do." Axel pulls the fences apart and slides through with ease, pulling the backpacks in after him.

"C'mon."  
I do as him and _try _to slide through, but something gets me stuck.

I can't slide my...ahem...bottom half through without it hurting like a bitch.

I'm basically sandwiched in between two fences.

"Help!"

"Right!" He pushes the fence one way and I nearly feel my ball pop, "Not that way!"

"Oh, sorry!" He pulls the fence in the opposite way and I fall through, grabbing myself," That was close."

"Whoops."

**-x-**

Green, green everywhere. Little birds and insects coexisting in their peaceful reality.

I didn't appreciate this kind of stuff before I went to jail, that's for sure.

We climb these steep hills and the landmarks to my spot are still there.

The 'AX' etched into the tree by Larxene still resides by the entrance to the tunnel.

"Careful." I say as I turn on the flashlight on my phone.

"Where the fuck are we?" I feel Sora hold onto the back of my bag and we trudged through uneven footing to get to the exit. "Just be careful." Through the tunnel we reached the cliff side. From the cliff you could see the ocean for miles. Below us was nothing but jagged rocks and smashing waves of deep water.

"Wow! This place is cool!" Sora steps up to the very edge off the cliff, holding his arms out to his sides.

"You can see my hangout from here. Look." He points out to the water and I see a small mountain like island. "I guess so."  
Sora's blue shirt rippling wildly from the wind. "Aren't you cold?"

"Meh, not really. This place is so cool. I bet you could scale the walls and find other secret spots." He lays down on the grass to get a better look over the edge.

"Yeah, lets not die today." I pull out a blanket from my backpack and find four heavy rocks to hold down the corner of blanket.

"Here." I hold out a sea salt popsicle for Sora.

"Oh! What's that?" He grabs it and tears the wrapping off before I tell him.  
"It's a sea salt popsicle from Twilight Town. My mom brought some back with her last time she was here." Sora plops down next to me and takes a huge bite out of it to my surprise. "Careful you don't want to get a brain freeze."  
"These are good...!" He devours the popsicle in three large bites as I stare at him in awe.

"Do you...want another one? So that you can maybe enjoy it a little longer than the last?"

He nods adorably, and I toss him another popsicle. We get wrapped up in conversation as usual, talking about life as usual. He finishes his second popsicle a little slower.

"Hey Axel, what's this mean?" He holds out the bare popsicle stick and it reads 'winner'.

"Oh, if we were in Twilight Town you'd take that back and get a free popsicle. Keep it, it'd probably still apply once you move."

_Move..._

I didn't want to finish that sentence.

Move.

Sora's...he's moving away by the end of summer...

"Oh yeah, I'm moving...it's gonna suck, not being able to hang out with you."

"...Really?"  
"Yeah, really. What, you want to get rid of me?"  
"No, no, that's not it at all."  
He laughs, "Good. You have anymore of those popsicles?"

"Yup." I hand him another one and smile.

I don't know how, but we got to talking about stuff I normally wouldn't open up about. I asked questions I normally wouldn't ask, realizing that this summer will be the last time I get to hang out with Sora.

"Why was Riku yelling at you? Why did you apologize to him like that?"  
"Well, it's just what we do."

"What?"

"Yeah," Sora crosses his legs and sits forward, "We start arguing, I tell him to fuck off, he bothers me and tells me it's all my fault, and then I say sorry."

It's something I didn't imagine Sora going through for four years straight.

How can he be so fucking humble?

"I put up with it because I...I fucked our relationship over."His voice cracks under the explanation.

"What...do you mean? Did you cheat on him?"

_And if so, with who?_

Sora laughs, "No, no...I refused to fuck him."

He surprises me with how blunt he says it, and it stops me from taking a bite out of my own popsicle. "Wh-What? Why?"

Sora shrugs, "Didn't feel like it."

…_.Seriously?_

I look out into the ocean for a sec.

"...Am I supposed to believe that?"

He smiles, "Yeah, why not?"

"That's bullshit."  
"Well...I-I actually..." Sora trails off and looks away from me.

"What is it?" I start chomping on my popsicle.

"He looks funny naked, doesn't he? I knew it. I wouldn't fuck him either."

He laughs.  
"...I'm a virgin." He bites on the popsicle, but he doesn't bite through it.

He's embarrassed.

Like, whoa man.

I...didn't see _that _coming.

"I...just wasn't ready for it, and when I was, he started screwing what we had over. So, it never got done...yup."

The light from the sunset illuminated Sora's flawless face. His skin set off this glow and his brown locks danced lightly in the wind. His cheeks were red as he reluctantly glances at me.

His lips part, "I...want someone that I can...trust."

I was stunned as he opened up to me.

Speechless.

"Maybe I hung out with Kairi and Namine too much, because I just want it to be special. I know I sound like a wimp."

_I would make it special for you, Sora._

_I would be gentle, and soft..._

_I want you._

His beauty started blooming like a flower in front of my very own eyes and I myself was overcome with feelings I can't even describe.

I finish my popsicle to fill the weird void in my stomach.

I feel like I should be...I don't know, touching him right now.

"Riku doesn't deserve something special like that...There's nothing wrong with that." I push myself to say out loud. I can imagine my cheeks turning into the shade of my hair.

"How was your first time, if you don't mind me asking?"  
"Oh, uh," I scratch the back of my head, "Well, it was alright. I guess."  
"Alright?"  
I smile, "I was twelve, and I didn't really know what I was doing so...it was a little painful. Dry. But it was done."  
"Dry...?With who?"

"Some girl I went to school with, it was when I lived in Hollow Bastion. She was a friend."

"Sora, what's love like?"  
"Love? What does it feel like?" He lays down on the blanket and sets his hand on his stomach. "Well...it's like a storm of emotions that you just walk through. You don't see it coming, and once you're in it, you can't find your way out, you can't make out what's right and what's left. At first it sucks, but you grow to enjoy the storm and you stay. You weather the elements and you grow..."

I lay down and put my hands behind my head, "...Love. I've never..." I look over to Sora. His eyes are unmoving as they stare mine down.

Can I even start to finish that last sentence...?

"What comes before love?" I ask him.

"Before it...?"  
"First comes love, then marriage, then babies and crap...At least that's what the kids say. What comes before it?

What comes before love?  
What do I feel for you?

Something I've never felt in any relationship I've ever been in...so what the fuck is going on?

"Well, I...it's hard to say."

"...I'd say so." I utter those words and he hears me, but I'm too stricken with emotion to be embarrassed.

"Does it...hit you like a brick?"  
He grins, "I'd...say so."

We realize that we're staring at eachother a little too much and look away. He starts laughing and I can't help but join him.

I sit up once again and notice the sky is at it's brightest. The colors are setting off the whole sky, red and orange running against eachother seamlessly.

"I love sunsets, it's the best part of Destiny. The red, its just like you hair." He chuckles and I smile.

"Hey, can I ask you something? And you don't have to answer it."

"I think I can handle it, shoot."  
"Are you..." He rubs his arm, "Are you...do you...what's your make up? Are you bi?"  
I blink," No!"

"Oh."

"I mean, yes!"

"Yes?"

"I mean I-I..."

I was so confused and embarrassed. Do I give him the answer that I give Hiro and my mom? Should I be honest?

_Make up your fuckin' mind Axel.._

Sora looked at me confused and I had to profess, "Whatever sounds good to you..."

He quickly turns his head to me and I fidget in my spot. "...Really?"  
I nod stiffly, feeling my palms begin to sweat.

I'm scared to look at him, but I do. He's grinning cheek to cheek, slightly turned away from me. His eyes glistened from the red sunlight. The sun had set fast, and the first star illuminated the darkening skies along with the moon.

There's just something about him, I don't know what the fuck it is. It's something I thought I'd never be able to feel. I've tried to love before, but each time it was fake. Something I found myself saying just to fuck a girl.

Well, this is different...I don't care about his virginity.

But I care about him. Before I acknowledged that I liked him...but I didn't think I'd begin to feel this way for Sora...

"It's getting dark out, if we stay any longer we won't be able to find our way back."  
"Okay."

**-x-**

We start down the dark mountainous range and I hold on to his backpack strap. "Hold on." Axel stops in the middle of the dark windy tunnel. He hands me his cell phone and backpack.

"What are you doing?" I shine the flashlight of his phone onto him. "I'm freezing my ass off what are you doing?" I ask again. He's unbuttoning his dark green and black flannel.

"I know, I know. Don't get your panties in a bunch." He takes off his flannel and hands it to me. "Here." I only wait for a second before a gust of wind prompts me to accept his offer. As I'm putting on his long flannel he lights a cigarette. He slings the backpacks and his cooler over his shoulder and waits for me to finish buttoning up his flannel before holding out his hand. I shyly take it and we start walking down the mountain again.

"This place gives me the creeps."

"Well-"

We're cut off by a howl.

"...Huh...that...sounded pretty close...Right? Or was that just me-"  
"-Axel!"  
He begins laughing and I hold onto his hand tighter.

"S'not funny..."

We bump shoulders as we walk hand in hand down the mountain. "So I've got a question for you."  
"Shoot."  
"Wanna move in with me?"  
"What?" It was something that I wasn't expecting at all.

"Well, I enjoy your company. I don't know...just though maybe you'd like to stay with me at my house for the remainder of the summer. My mom's never home so we could invite people and have parties. Have fun, you know?"

I feel my arms spazing out.

**-x-**

"I know you have shit going on with your family and stuff, and it's kind of uncalled for since it's your last summer here, but it'll be like your second house. You can do whatever you want and no one'll give a shit. Well, I mean, my mom. But that's if she even comes back home before summers over. So..."

_Ugh, that was a stupid question.  
_

"So what do ya think?"

"Really? You'd let me?" He asked excitedly, bouncing up and down.  
"Yeah, it'll be cool." I try to say it nonchalantly, but my heart is beating out of my chest.

"Yeah!"

We jump over a mossy log and carefully walk down the steep hill, back to the rusted fence. I push the fence open for Sora this time, and he goes through a lot smoother than the first time.

We sit in his car, not saying anything.

Not moving.

The air has shifted between us.  
I almost can't control myself, but I do.

I actually...don't think I have the balls to make a move on him anymore.

It's...it's like he's stripped away my powers.

_He's fuckin' kryptonite._

We both glance at each other before giggling like fuckin' school girls. He starts up his car and we're driving back down the dark mountain now. I start daydreaming of the possibilities...of us.

It sets in like the warmest cloud.

The softest cotton candy at a carnival.

The perfect rainstorm.

I don't know, I can't describe it.

"I'm so excited..." I hear Sora say to himself.

But it's something like seeing the perfect sunrise...

When it's just you and the sun...and you don't ever want to leave.


	9. Chapter 9

Life's even better since Sora excepted my offer to move in with me for the remainder of the summer. I didn't think he'd ever go for it, but he said yes.

Ever since then, it's kinda been me and him. Of course we hang out with our friends, but things are better when we're...alone.

Don't know how to describe it.

"_Come see me."_

"_So you do care!"_

"_I need to talk to you about...something?"_

I walk all around my house, hoping for a sign of Sora to show, even though I know full well he's gone over to hang out with Kairi for a few hours tonight.

"_What do you want :{"_

"_If you don't meet me on the play structure in the middle of the park at 8 tonight, it's your loss. Bye."_

"_What? What do you mean?" _I check the time on my phone and realize that it's fifteen minutes till eight. _"You asshole."_

I pull on my shoes and tell Hiro where I'm out to. The weather was still warm at this time of night, and the colors are setting off in a purple fashion tonight.

I wonder what Sora is doing as I kick rocks down the sandy roads.

Wonder if he's thinking 'bout me.

I take a few turns and end up in Destiny's school district, where the Nikko park resided in the middle. The park is strangely bare except for a few people walking their dogs.

I bounce over to the play structure and sneak up on Saix, wrapping my arms through the bars of the green jungle gym and squeezing tight. He gasps, "Axel!"

"Ha! Scared ya." I climb onto the bridge of the structure and settle across him.

He still looked the same, electric blue hair and two scars streaking straight over his nose. He looked the slightest relieved looking at me.

"Good, you came out with all your parts."  
"Yeah, and no letters or phone calls. You didn't miss me too much, did you?"  
He scoffs, "You're an asshole, you deserved it."

"Whatever...! What did you have me come here on such short notice?"  
Saix twists his body all around, before opening a wooden box, "You won't believe what I've been up to since you've been gone..."  
He flashes his cellphone light upon it and I can't make it out at first. But then I realize what it is and my jaw drops.

"Where'd you-"

"-Ssshh. I met a guy in Twilight who knew a guy in Costa. It's..." He shakes his head, "It's amazing. Try it."  
"I-I don't know..." I hesitate, biting my thumb. With the knowledge I have now, Hiro would kill me if he found out I was seeing Saix again, let alone getting high with him.

What Saix had in his little wooden box was a brick of cocaine. Saran wrap was tightly squeezed around the white powder. He had cut the tiniest slit into it.

...Fuck it.

It's not like it used to be, I can handle it.

I take my key out and scrape a little off the top of the slit. It went down smoothly, nearly no burning sensation. I sit for a few seconds before the warmth began it's journey across my body. Its as though my body was rising from it's deadly rest. Instead of being a zombie, I became the gun slinging killer.

"That's ….damn good." I grin.

"I owe my dealer 40 grand."

"Are you serious? What the fuck are you doing Saix you know how much deep shit you could be in if-"

"-If I don't make a profit? I know." He takes his card and scrapes off a bump for himself. Instantly, his eyes open up and he closes the box. He pulls out a piece of paper and holds his cellphone light over it. "I've done the calculations a thousand times over before I took the deal. We cut it, find regular clientele, and sell it. If everything goes as planned, I'll be able to pay back the debt...and the rest of the profit will be ours for the taking."

"Ours? We? What are you talking about?"  
"I need a trustful business partner. It's a tough position, but the perks are well worth it. What do you say?"  
"I don't know," I lean back against the bars with a smile, crossing my arms, "how do I know if you're trustful...you could just be using me as a pawn?"

He chuckles, "Why sit here and insult your own intelligence? It's a simple proposition with a few complex tasks. A bit of strong-arming here and there, nothing we can't both throw eachother under the bus for."

"How much of a cut am I looking at?"  
"No less than twenty grand, and that's only starting off. Much more is to be made."

_Twenty fucking grand...?_

I used to be a small time dealer, I would make around $500 bucks a month off of weed and coke. I guess I have my foot in the door for this type of business...but I can't.

"I don't think so, Saix." I admit.

"As good as it sounds, I'd rather not send myself back to jail too soon."

He shrugs, "Fair enough. I guess someone has softened ever since the system turned them out..." He stands to his feet and leans over the bars of the bridge, lighting a cigarette.

"Oh Saix don't be sad," I stand next to him, slinging my left arm over his shoulders," If things don't work out, I won't be too long..." I start drawing in this sadness.

The fact that Sora would be leaving soon had me thinking that I won't have much to occupy my free time with.

"If things don't work out? Do you want to help me or not?" He sounds peeved.

"Yes and no...Just...argh..." I rub my temples now, "It's complicated..."

I sensed it coming on soon.

"Your show of reluctance...why?" He asks in his 'Saixy' tone that I had missed so much.

"It's complicated." I say again, lighting a cigarette.

"You're blushing."  
"I...it's...here." I show him a photo of Sora on my phone. It was taken the night we first got high together, when he took it upon himself to use his shirt as a basket for everything edible in my kitchen. He held two joints in his mouth, was so high his eyes ere bloodshot.

"It's that one kid we used to have class with. What's his name...?"

"Sora." I say.

"Yeah. Since when did you guys hang out? Better yet, since when did he stop being such a prude?"  
"I don't know. And me..." I say blatantly, rubbing my arm.

"So?"  
"So?"  
His brows furrow, "If you're gonna say something, then say it."

"I've...he's moving away soon. So, I'll help you when he's gone."  
"Why when he leaves?"  
"Because, I don't have time for it right now."

"Oh. _Ohhhh._ I see. So, you're fucking guys now?"

He laughs, "It's not like I didn't see that coming."

I look down, going through the same embarrassment I went through with Hiro. He looks at me before sitting down again. He pulls out a small baggie and dips a key in it, taking a huge bump this time.  
"Sit down."

I sit down and take the baggie that he hands to me. Using my own key again, I draw up a huge little mountain before sending it up my passages.

I feel extremely good.

It's that feeling again.

That oh so smooth warmth that tickles me all over.

The numbness takes over my nose and certain parts of my face, but my smile stands strong.

It's like a bunch of tiny orgasms happening at once all over my body.

Again.

And again.

And again.

"You dating him?"  
"Not yet. Well, I mean, kinda. Pretend. We're on each other when his ex is around, and-and it's just awesome. You remember that asshole with the white hair, Riku? His boyfriend?"

Saix leans in interested, his dark pupils covering the yellow of his eyes.

I tell him everything.

About us.

About Riku.

About this summer.

Anything Saix asked about, I answered.

Rarely does a conversation like this ever take place between me and Saix, but when it does it always seems magical.

"...And now I don't know what to do with it. I think I'm actually going to miss him when he leaves."

"Well, you're high."

I shake my head in disbelief to his response, "What's that supposed to mean?"  
"He's a virgin, new to the drug scene, leaving to college soon...You're either trying to fuck him or you're just setting yourself up for failure, because he's gonna leave you in the dust."

I prop my arms on my crossed legs, "You too, huh? You and Hiro think he's too good for me."

"I didn't say that."

"Then what are you saying?" I'm getting seriously pissed.

He sighs, tilting his head, "You're a self indulgent asshole. Do you think a virgin wants to get with a nymphomaniac? You'd fuck anything that twitched an inch. You're going to be interested for another month tops, and then he's either gonna fuck you or you're just gonna bail. I wouldn't lie to you, would I?"

I open my mouth, ready to shoot out an insult.

Instead, I hang my head down, "No...But I'm not like that. I don't feel like...that I...ugh _fuck you._"

**-x-**

"So...what's up? It's been a while since we've hung out."

"A lot."

We layed on a blanket in the backyard of her townhouse. The sun is long gone, but her air conditioner busted, so we decided to stay outside while Namine fries on the inside.

"So are you and Axel going out? Riku keeps telling me how he sees you guys all over each other all the time now."  
I rub my face, "I wish he'd just get a life...of course we're not going out..."

I begin laughing and she knows.

"What is it Sora! Are you going out with him? Oh my god!" She rolls on her stomach excitedly.

"No! I, it's complicated!"

"_Ohhhh_ so what? Tell me!"

"I think he might like me."

Saying it felt so good, but so nerve-racking.

"I don't know...! Well..."

I tell her where we went a while ago and everything we talked about.

What he said.

"He's totally into you!" She comes to life, slapping her palms on the blanket.  
"How'd you do it? How'd you make him switch?"  
I roll my eyes.

"Well, you know who you have to invite over sometime, me. And I won't take it lightly if you don't!"

"I will, I will."

**-x-**

"Keep it." Saix hands me the small baggie of coke.

"It's on me. It's the last of pure coke you're going to see in a long time."  
We walk off of the jungle gym and shake hands.

"Good luck with Sora. Although I don't see you getting far, you're probably going to end up further than most."

I grin, "Thanks!...I think."  
He yanks the collar on his black sweater and pushes his blue bangs out of his eyes, "This heat is killing me...see you later, Ax."

I watch him disappear out of the park and tuck the coke into my pocket.

"Sweet...lucky m-"

I receive a hit that sends me back a few, knocking me straight on my ass. Blood starts pouring immensely from my nose as my eyes tear up. "What the fuck...?!" I stand up and see that it's Riku.

He holds me by my collar.

"Let go of me." I snarl and he pushes me back.

I stand up slowly, my eyes not leaving his for a second.

**-x-**

"So did you guys kiss?"

"No...but I gave him CPR."

The stars are shining bright tonight. Namine has woken up from her sleep, her music is bumping through the walls.

"Really? Why?"  
"We were surfing and things didn't go to well on his end."

"So you gave him CPR? Saucy. Saucy saucy. How was that?"  
"It was rushed. I freaked out and wanted Hiro to do it but he said he didn't know how to. So that put me in a corner."

"Well, what do you expect, you were saving his life!"

"I know...I did it though."

"How was it?"

I tear a blade of grass from the ground and play with it,"He spit up tons of water in my face, and some got in my mouth...but I'd be lying if I didn't say it was _hot._"

We laugh together.

"I don't know what's wrong with me."

**-x-**

It's almost got this nostalgic sweet feel to it.

Like the old days in school.

I've missed out on so much, I can only think as I pull him into a head lock.

"You...stupid...fucking..." I huff and puff, choking him out.

He elbows me and knocks the wind from my stomach, and we once again tumble on the grass.

He delivers one more blow to my jaw, and the shock is immense. I take a second and he pushes off of me, stumbling backwards.

I stand to my feet, determined not to go down again.

"Hey!" I hear someone yell from afar. Riku looks over quickly, but I stand looking at him.

I snatch him by his collar and deliver my blows, no longer holding back.

"Hey! Stop it!"

I don't, Riku is struggling to protect his face. I hear the smacks my punches make when it connects to his face each and every time.

I feel the sick pleasure of power.

**-x-**

"I'm going to miss this place..." We walk back into her small living room. Namine is lounging on the hot pink leather couch with her basketball shorts and a tank top, fanning herself off with a thin book.

"I'm going to miss you!" Kairi cries out.

"Just don't think about it! Hollow Bastion isn't that far from Twilight Town anyways, right?"

"Yeah..._right._" Namine remarks.

"Shut up Debbie." I tell Namine.  
"Don't call me that, my name is Namine!"

I laugh, strolling over to her side. "Not when you're being a Debbie Downer, _Debbie. _I've been over for about two hours now and you're just waking up. What an asshole you are, sir." I wag my finger at her.

"What? How was I supposed to know, you guys never woke me up." She stretches her small limbs out on the couch, grabbing the remote.

"Clean your room and I'd feel safe enough to walk in it."

"You're one to talk George of the Jungle. Your room is _always_ a fucking mess. A gross boy mess."

I hug Kairi and start out the door.

"Before I go, Namine, I found a _vibrator_ on your floor once."

Her face turns red, "No you didn't."  
"Yeah, I did. I thought it was the tip of your joystick controller. Bye Kairi!"

**-x-**

"You two!"

It was over now, both of us restrained by two random older men.

"Both of you, get out of here!" They shove us in opposite directions. I look back and see the glare in Rikku's eyes.

"Get going before we call the cops!" They both stood there, shooing us away.

…_.Fuck it._

I flip them all off as I turn away.

I check my pockets for my wallet and cellphone and start walking.

My body aches a little, but it's nothing I can't get up from.

My emotional state is in an uproar.

I should just find out where he lives and fuck Sora right on his porch.

I bet I could do it...

**-x-**

I pull up to Axel's house and before I can get out I get a text from Axel.

"_Pick me up."_

"_What are you talking about, arent you home?"_

"_No, I'm in the highschool parking lot."_

"_What are you doing there?"  
"...Just pick me up, please."_

"_Be there soon..."_

What is he doing at D.H...?

**-x-**

I sat on the parking lot strip at Destiny High school, puffing away at the last, half broken, crumpled cigarette of mine. My blue sweater is stretched and stained with grass. Holes have finally worn there way through the knees of my dark blue tattered jeans and my gray converse are a dusty mess.

_Sneaky fucker..._

This would count the third time me and Riku have ever fought. I think I finally took him for a ride.

...But I wonder how long he had been watching me.

And what the fuck is his problem? What a sucker punch...

Nothing's holding me back from Sora, not even him.

My stubby cigarette comes to an end and I am forced to put it out. I look up out on the main street and see Sora pull in. His head lights are blinding.

_Time to face the music..._

I stand up and dust myself off as I casually walk to Sora's car.

My confidence is shot down as soon as I slide in the car with him. It doesn't take him long to see that I've had a rough night.

"What the fuck happened to you?!"

I lean my head against the window, "Can we go get cigarettes?"

"A-"  
"-I'm fine. Just, take me to a market where I can buy cigarettes." I try not to sound disgruntled. He sighs, "Yeah, sure."

I squeezed the white upholstery of his seats.

**-x-**

My awesome reign looks to have come to an end.

A permanent frown.

Much bleaker colors.

Nearly no feeling.

Sora decided to wait in the car. I don't blame him.

My cocaine high has ran itself straight into the ground and I am zombified more than ever, As I stand in line at the customer service, it seems like people just can't keep their fucking eyes off me.

The sound of unruly children, shopping carts, and repetitive beeps makes me want to blow my fucking brains out.

I just want my fucking cigarettes.

As my turn came up I threw the money and my I.D on the counter. "Reds. Long."

She looked at me, bewildered.

"Are you okay...? Do you need help?"

I stare at her with obvious discontent.

_Oh._

_My._

_Fucking._

_God._

I close my eyes and take a deep breath.

"Just give me my fucking cigarettes, _Angela."_

**-x-**

Axel is something pissed. I still have no clue what it is that happened as we walk into the living room of his house.

"I'm going to take a shower." He says. He starts to walk away from me toward the staircase.

"Wait! Tell me what happened." I say to him. He stops dead in his tracks.

"Axel, you have blood all over your face...and clothes..." I said silently. He sighs loudly before turning around. He sits on his couch and invites me over.

"Your ex sucker punched me in the face."

**-x-**

Sora bites the bottom of his lip and held his face. I didn't expect such a strong reaction.

"I'm...sorry."  
"That's _exactly _ what I didn't want to hear." I throw my head back onto the couch.

"Nothing's your fault, your ex is just a crazy fucking bastard. Kid has some issues..."  
I go to light up another cigarette and I feel his hand weigh down on my forearm.

He looks up bashfully, "You've smoked six of those since you bought 'em..."

No matter how pissed I am, I can't get mad at him.

"Are you hurt?"

"No! Of course not!" It's a little white lie.

"You've got blood all over your face..." He repeats sadly.

"It's...fine." I see his hand resting on the couch and I hesitate to hold it at first. I look away as my hand grabs a hold of his.

"I'm...fine, I just went to the park to see an old friend of mine. Once he left Riku sucker punched me and we fought until two guys broke us up. I'm bleeding because I have a sensitive nose...it's not like he got _that _many lucky shots on me..."

Sora sighs, "I'm s-"  
"-I don't want to here it!" I stand up and rush to the stairs. Something stops me, and I look over the staircase to Sora.

His body is still on the couch, and I can't bring myself to leave him.

I walk downstairs and grab his hand, leading him slowly back up the stairs with me this time.

**-x-**

Axel reclines against the bed next to me on the floor. He's showered off, and only has one scar on his face present from when Hiro hit him. His nose looked a bit swollen, as well as his jaw. His body is a different story. Red marks surrounded his neck and collar bone. It looks like Riku threw him around a bit. He frowns, "Stop looking at me with that sad dopey face Sora."

He ruffles my hair.

"I can't help but feel like this is my fault."

"_I can't help but blah blah blah. _This isn't your problem, and it isn't mine. It's Riku's. Don't be a broken record Sora, it was just a fight."

I sigh and stand up to kick my shoes off.

"I don't know...I guess I'm sorry for his actions..."

I knew I shouldn't have said it. He breathes out before pulling on a clean shirt. He leaves the room without saying anything, slamming the door.

_Sora...Why would you say something so stupid?_

Palm to the face.

Do I go after him? Do I say sorry?

_Better not..._

**-x-**

_I'm not mad, I'm just annoyed._

_I mean..._

_Why the fuck does he care about that asshole so much?_

I sat at the top of the staircase, staring off into nothing. I'm...

I hear a door open and close.

"What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing." I snap.

"Geez...what's wrong with you? You look like crap." He sits down next to me. "Just mind your own business, Hiro."  
"I can help." He says innocently, batting his eyelashes.

"Riku sucker punched me at the fucking park. We got in a fight and then some guys broke it up. Come to tell Sora in there and all he can say is how it's _his _fault or that he's _sorry for his actions..."_

I shake my head, "Pshh...I don't fucking get it."

"Well, stop being an asshole."  
"I'm getting' _real _tired of hearing that..."  
"You've never been in love, you don't know what it's like."  
"And you do?"  
"Yeah, and it fucking sucks. And if you start acting like he's supposed to be all happy and thankful that you're around, he's going to fucking leave you. He's gonna leave you before he even got a chance to hook up with you because you're too pushy. You're expecting _waaay_ too much from him. Just some brotherly advice you can think about before you go back in there." He pats me on the shoulder and leaves.

-x-

When I enter the room again, the lights have been turned off. I could see a lump under the blankets on my bed.

_Guess I have been an asshole lately..._

I crawl into bed next to him and turn my back away from him.

Cuddling him didn't feel right...tonight.

So I layed there, my hands on my own stomach.

_I like you a lot...Sora._


	10. Chapter 10

**–**

_The smack of his lips keep me coming back. There we lied entangled in each others arms._

"_Sora..." I moan out through our kisses. I'm fast to push up his red shirt. I trace my fingers over his perfect chest for the first time. His nipples prod out slowly with each stroke. His eyes are only slits as he moans and groans under my touch._

_He opens his eyes and smiles at me, "Axeeel..."_

_I can't hold back, and I go for the buttons on his pants. "Sit up a little..."  
He does as told and I'm able to slide his black shorts off his small frame. I see his dick, beating hard beneath his boxer briefs._

_"You know what to do." He purrs out, licking his lips._

**–**

_...Cold..._

I toss and turn to try to retain warmth this morning, but nothing works. The air conditioner must be on.

I turn over to my left and throw my arm over Axel's chest. I try to fall back to sleep but I just can't.

He's stirs a bit here and there.

_Wonder what he's dreamin' of._

His eyes snap open and he looks confused for a second.

"Morning."  
"...Morning?"

"Yeah...What's wrong-"  
"-Nothing I gotta go to the bathroom." Axel stands up and rips the blanket from the bed.

"Hey!" I lunge over the bed and grab the bottom of the blanket he tried to make away with. "Soraaaa!" He whines.  
"What are you doing? I'm cold too you know!" I'm hanging off of the bed, shivering in just a pair of shorts with my fingers clawed onto the blanket.

He looks back and only sighs.

I grip the blanket tight and tug with all my might, hitting the wall with my head, yes.

But I also have the blanket back.

Axel layed against the door and the floor, "Ow..."

I see one thing once I look at Axel again.

His massive morning wood, begging for a way out of those shorts.

My heart begins beating and...I don't know.

I couldn't stop staring.

Axel grabs himself hard, embarrassed. But his hand is no where near hiding his morning wood.  
He stands up and marches over, ripping the blanket out of my hands again.

"Give me that!" His voice squeaks a little and he takes the blanket from me again. His cheeks are bright pink as he leaves me alone in the room.

I feel moisture on my arm and smell it.

_Precum...?_

I gasp, blushing wildly.

His image is forever ingrained in my memories.

**-x-**

_I can't believe he saw that I can't believe_

_FUCK._

I almost feel like the kid who got pantsed in the middle of recess.

Running from all the laughter.

I head to the second bathroom downstairs and lock the door behind me.

I turn on the lights and open up the blanket. And just like I had thought, I had came in my sleep.

One huge wet spot dampened the side I had slept with.

_If I came then why am I so hard still...?_

Damn.

I'm in between a rock and a hard spot.

I wish I had grabbed an extra pair of shorts.

I drop my cum soaked shorts and jump into the shower. The hot water aggravates my erected shaft and I give in as quickly.

I suck air through my teeth as I wrap my hand around my hard shaft.

"Sora..." I moan out. I can imagine his small figure from the dream perfectly. I squeeze harder, pumping a little faster as I leaned against the wall of the shower.

"Sora..."

**-x-**

**August**

The weeks are moving by faster. I feel sick to my stomach, as I'm getting more attached to Axel. I feel myself more inclined to...start over.

"Here, I wanna give you something."

He calls from the railings upstairs.

His room's a mess again, clothes and shoes strewn across his floor. The closet door stayed propped open because of the massive about of crap falling out of it. He claws through the closet's mess, his thin frame layed on top of the mess.

"Whatcha looking for?" I move aside some clothes on the bed and sit down.

He pushes himself off of the mess and opens a small black box.

"Here." He hands the black box and I open it again.

"Sticks?"  
"No, look at them."

I pull them out and read the "winner" on the ends of em.

"I collected those when I lived in Twilight Town for a little while. Get something cool when you go there."

I gripped the sticks tight, before setting them down in the box again.

We stood across from each other, with nothing to speak.

But I could feel the tense feelings set in.

"Thank you." I say before I forget. He only nods.

"I better go help Hiro do the dishes now."

"Hey wait!"  
Axel stops and looks back, raising a brow, "Huh?"  
"I...well, what do you want?" I ask sheepishly.

"What do I want?"  
"You're the one who did the work...what do you want?"  
He smiles, "You'll probably know once you get there."

He leaves me alone in the room. My emotions are taking a bit of a beating here.

I'm either way too happy.

...Or sad.

It's maddening.

My phone vibrates as I'm stroking the popsicle sticks.

"Hello?"  
"Can you come home? Like, stat?"  
"What for?"

I here my mother screaming in the background at Donny.

Roxas sighs, "He's trying to set up."  
"Are you kidding me?" I pull on a jacket and rush down the stairs.

"Hey Ax I'll be back!" I shout before closing the front doors.

I speed over to my house and open the front door. Roxas is standing in front of the basement door past the kitchen, blocking the entrance to the basement.

Donny and my mother argued in the kitchen.

"I don't want that crap in my house again, don't you understand!"  
"I don't see anyone else making any fucking money around here to help! Your sons are lazy worthless pieces of shit who don't know work!" He barked in her face. My fists shake from the site.

I can't do anything but watch.

What good is my word for? As far as I'm concerned, I'm just the punching bag in this equation.

"You can't start setting up shop here again because mom already paid to clean your shit out!" Roxas breaks.

"Don't you fucking mouth me Roxas, you're still a kid."

"More of a man than _you!_"

Roxas pushes himself up against the door as Donny closed in on him. I made quick to step in between them.

"Move, both of you!"

"Do you wanna go to jail?" I shout, standing strong in front of Roxas.

He plants his two palms on my shoulders, attempting to pull me aside. I push him away from Roxas, "You better stop..."

I continue to push him into the living room.

I feel him try to knock me off my feet and I take that as a cue.

"Stop!" I twist around and grab his neck, putting him under my arm in a chock hold. He tries to swing over but instead I throw him over on the floor.

"Sora let him go!" My mom screams but I ignore her cries.

He clocks me on the side of the face, and I only squeeze harder.

Think of killing him.

"SORA!" I feel her tug the back of my shirt and I let go of Donny.

A heaving, coughing, red mess.

"Sora..."She starts crying, dropping to Donny's side. I stand over them both, gritting my teeth.

"Are you stupid!?" I erupt. She doesn't answer me.

I look over to Roxas now, who isn't doing any better than I. He's crying, "What'd I tell you!?"

His voice is cracking as he holds back, "...See? She's...she's fuckin' stupid!"  
He jolts out of the kitchen and up the stairs. "I'm coming back...and when I do, there better not be any fucking meth lab in the basement...you hear me mom?!"

I shout, grabbing my car keys off of the coffee table.

"Yes Sora...!" She sobs, not making any eye contact with me. Her long brown hair hung free past her frail shoulders, hiding Donny's face. I stand there, almost waiting for an apology.

I hear her soft whispers to him.

"You need help...you need to stop..."

I know better than that.

I run out of my house and jump into my car.

Hateful blue eyes stare me down through my rear view mirror before I skid out.

This is my hell.

**-x-**

"Dry. Dry. Dry."  
"You don't have to tell me that, I know I'm supposed to dry the dishes when you hand them to me, Hiro..." I mutter in annoyance.

I hear the front door open and slam. I wait for him to enter the kitchen. Moments pass and he doesn't come in.

"Huh, must've been Sora."  
"Dry."  
"You're on your own now." I say, dropping the white rag on the already dried dishes.

"Wait!"

I disregard Hiro and climb up the stairs to my room.

"Hey Sora where'd ya go..."

Sora's sitting criss-cross on my bed, packing what looked to be his bags.

"What are you doing?"

His hair flies as his head snaps up from it's folding trance. His eyes are red and teary, a red mark on the side of his mouth.

"What the hell happened to you!?" I growl, rushing to his side. He looks away.

"Sora." I say sternly, grabbing the side of his face. It looks like someone took a swing on him.

"I'm fine!"

"What happened!?" I demand, letting go.

"I-I-I have to move back home, Axel...!" He couldn't even finish his sentence before his tears broke loss.

He falls to his side and curls up in a ball, sobbing strongly.

"What...happened?" I ask softly this time around. I move his bag and clothing aside and pull him up. His eyes spell helpless.

"Donny's back...I can't leave Roxas there..."

"Sora...did your dad-"

"-You mean Donny!" He cuts me off quick.

"Yeah he hit me, I didn't want him touching Roxas or the basement door, so of course he hit me!" He chokes out.

He nearly crumples on the bed again, though this time I catch him in my arms. I try to sooth his sobbing as he clawed onto my shoulders like a child.

_Sora..._

**-x-**

The last of my things are packed away in the two gym bags I first brought.

Axel sat next to me on the bunk bed, holding my hand in his.

We stared at the bags on the floor.

We've been this way for an hour now, not ready.

Nowhere near ready to leave eachother like this.

Roxas has messaged me a hundred times over, but I don't have the guts to read the messages.

"You'll come to visit me sometime...right?"

"Yeah. You can come to visit too...When Donny isn't home."  
"Why when he's not home?"  
"I'm...not allowed to have guys over." I tell him.

He helps me with my bags to my car. "Hey where are you guys going?"  
"I'm going home." I tell Hiro as we walk down the steps.

I open my trunk and Axel sets my bags in carefully.

"So..."  
"So..."

I could hear the leaves gently blowing in the wind on the surrounding trees. The sounds of the ocean was still clear.

The skies were pink as the sun was setting. His red hair rustles lightly in the wind.

I can't read him.

"I'll...call you."

"Yeah. I..want to see you again soon. If that's not..." He shrugs awkwardly," If that's not too bad with you?"

I smile, "No problem."

We gaze at eachother as the skies darkened. I nervously step closer to him and gently hold onto the tips of his fingers.

"Thank you." I give Axel a peck on the cheek.

He smirks, a red streak coming along finely across his cheeks.

"Don't forget to call!" He waves as I pull away from the curb. I see him waving me goodbye through my rear view mirror.

**-x-**

I leave my hands in my pocket as his blue ride drives away.

Leaving me in the dust.

_No..._

It was already unnerving, his absence. I drag myself to the top of the stairs.

"Hey where'd Sora go?" Hiro looks up from his cellphone again.

"Home." I respond, depressed. I drag my lifeless presence all the way to my room again.  
A little less messy.

A little less happy.

A...A little less like heaven. God I sound like a tool.

_Was I...left in the dust?_

Later on I am nothing but a drained skeleton. Hiro and Pence were playing the system, smoking up a cloud.

"Hey Ax, why you being so depressed come down and hang." Pence calls out.

"No..." I turn towards the wall on top of Hiro's bed.

"He's just sad because Sora had to move back home...No big deal." I hear the phlegm in Hiro's throat loosed as he coughs up smoke.

"Oh is that so?"  
"Yeah. Sora's dad had a rager or something."

"I know. His dad kicked me out an hour ago 'cus we weren't supposed to be smoking in the house. He was screaming in Roxas' face when I left..."

I can almost see Pence shaking his head, "Wouldn't want to be on the other side of that guys face."

I pull the pillow over my ears to block out their conversation, but it doesn't work.

**-x-**

I ready myself for bed in the dark bare room of mine. All alone, I don't know where to turn to now.

Who to turn to...

_Enough..._

I take off my shirt and skip taking my shorts and socks off. I crawl under my sheets to try to sleep.

**-x-**

I rise from my dead position and make a loud thud as I jump from the bed.

"I'm goin' to Sora's." I announce to the world.

"What?!" Hiro and Pence ask in unison. I throw on my black and green flannel over my back t-shirt.

"Pence, what's the deal on his old man? Sora's got his own room or what?"

"Axel you can't be serious, that dude'll blow your head off if you say you're there for Sora." Hiro states seriously.

I shrug, "Who says that I'll be talking to his dad? I only need to talk to Sora."

I look up after putting on my shoes. Hiro sighs loudly, "Oh shit he's really gonna do it."

**-x-**

I can't sleep, instead I'm wiping away annoying tears that are falling from my eyes.

"Why can't...I...s-stop!?" I cry out to myself.

_You're all alone now, Sora..._

I grow achy as my body tenses over and over again.

Damn Donny.

Damn my mother and my father.

_Damn them all..._

"Fuck!"

I flip to my stomach and grab the remote to my t.v, hidden under the bed.

I turn on the television and it's on the news.

More wars, more killing.

More kidnapping going on in other parts of the world.

Is it just me going to shit, or is it the rest of the world as well?

I sigh, closing my eyes.

**-x-**

"I don't know if you should do this."

"Too late."  
Pence peeks behind Hiro, "You know, if Donny catches you on his property he has full right to blow your effing knee caps off, right?"  
I kick my old board up, "Well, then I'll just have to be happy with my blown off knee caps, right?"

"No!" They both go, but I shake my head and laugh.

"You're stupid."

"Don't do it Ax."

I run off the steps and onto the sidewalk, jumping on my board, "Don't tell me what to do!"

I skate fast down the streets of Destiny.

Right.

Left.

And then another right.

Over the small bridge.

Kids played outside as the street lights start turning on. I get a few honks as I rode fast past some oncoming cars.

When he kissed me...he was so...soft.

It's a stretch, but I have to try.

I _have _to.

I get off my board and kick up sand as I jog the rest of the way to Sora's house. I can barely make out a light in his house, and his car is parked right out front.

Once I reach the brown fence bordering his side yard I come to a stand still. The air is cool tonight. I look around the neighborhood and don't see anyone, so I jump over his fence into his yard.

_Where is it where is it..._

I look and it doesn't take me long to spot the garden ladder in between Roxas' and Sora's room. I could hear the thrash music coming from Roxas' room, him screaming along to the lyrics.

Sora's room is dark, his yellow curtains closed.

I quietly walk over and notice from the bright moonlight that there's fucking rose vines with pointy thorns wrapped all around the garden ladder.

I look up behind me at the moon, and all of those little shiny dots we call stars.

Little clouds started to take the skies over, just barely. I drop my board.

I want to share this night with you, Sora.

"Ah...!" I start to climb the garden ladder. I felt my skin popping with each advancement. The ladder feels rickety as I reach the top.

But, I'm already up here so...

I knock on his window a few times and sit steady. Roxas music is still going, and I wonder if Sora can hear me through it.

My palms start beating from the sharp pricks reentering my skin every time I budge.

I knock a little louder this time.

I focus hard on his window, hoping to see movement beyond the curtain.

After a few more moments, it's clear that he's not coming.

Stupid...stupid Axel.

I climb down a few feet before I hear a latch.

"Sora!"  
His window opens outward, and his curtains push aside. His hands grip the ledge of the window and he looks out, dazed. His necklace hanging over his bare neck.

"Sora!" I call out to him.

He looks down, alarmed, "Axel! Come!"

I climb fast and he pulls me through his window. I tumble over his bed and land on the floor hard. "Shhh!" He looks outside his window before closing it. He rushes over to his bedroom door and locks it.

I stand up and look around his room. A lot of boxes were packed up to the left towards his closet. Clothes were shoved off to the side and falling out of his dresser. He turns on a small desk lamp.

"What are you doing here? How'd you know how to get to my room?" He asks quietly, crossing his arms over his chest and hunching over.

He sits next to me. I freeze, unable to answer him.

What am I suppose to say exactly?

All I can hear is the thrash music banging through the walls and floors. My palms start to sweat and I notice Sora smiling at me now.

"Well, what is it? Spit it out." He grins.

I focus on the shine of his silver crown necklace before slowly switching my gaze up to his eyes.

"Sora I..."

I fall back on his bed and gaze at the ceiling now. "You know how you're leaving by next month?" I ask softly, resting one hand on my stomach and another behind my back.

He lays next to me, "Yeah."  
"I...It feels like we both wasted this summer a little bit. Like, we would've spent it better if we didn't try so hard to fool ourselves." I admit softly.

Soon the honest truth start coming from my lips, and I can't stop.

"I like you a lot, Sora. Sometimes I wish that we had taken Riku out of the equation...heh, guess it's my fault since I've waited so long."  
"What...are you talking about?"  
"I know you're only here for one more month, but I thought...maybe you'd wanna...I don't know, be my boyfriend?"

There, I said it.

"...I...yes."

I look over and all I can see is the back of his head. He turns to look at me, eyes gleaming.

"I mean, you really actually...like me?" He asks, pushing his two pointer fingers together, looking to the ceiling now.  
"For a long time now. I wouldn't have done have the shit I did with you if I didn't like you."

He starts giggling and it makes me giggle a little. I scoot closer to Sora so our shoulders are touching. We hold each others hands and gaze at each other, our foreheads touching.

Soon, our lips are touching, kissing, smacking. Sora's kisses become more passionate. He swings his leg over my hips and I pull him closer.

We can't stop, our lips don't leave each other for more than a second. I let my fingers brush through his thick hairs and he does the same.

As my left hand holds onto his face, my right hand slowly leaves his hair, traveling down the nook of his hand and over his arm. I squeeze his waist, pulling away for a second.

Just to see, those beautiful eyes...

There's no where I'd rather be than here.


	11. Chapter 11

The guilt is killing me almost as much as the feeling of joy.

Over stimulation prevents me from sleeping again.

My lips have been dried, Axel sucked the moisture out of me last night.

I look around, still hearing the steadfast thrash of Roxas' music through the wall.

"SUGAAAA!" I hear him shout through the walls. I stand up and bang on the wall as if I'm a cop.

"Roxas shut up!"  
"FUCK YOU!"

I don't know if he's yelling it to me or if he's just singing along.

I sigh, leaning my head up against the vibrating wall for a second.

Too tired to bother, I head back to bed.

**-x-**

"You can't get into that level without lighting the two candles..."

_Who's...outside my door?_

"Because I tried already, fucker. Everyone's tried... You can't and you're just going to waste everyone's time and get kicked out...If you stay over tonight to play live you can't pull that bullshit, or else I'll make you sleep in the tub..._Because..._Hold on."

I hear my door pop open. Roxas stands there with a bewildered look on his face once he discovers that I'm in bed with Axel.

"...What are you doing?"  
"Ah?" I blush, sitting up on my bed. He raises a brow, "_Ahhh? Ahhhhaaaaa..."_

He starts laughing and I shush him.

"Get out of my room."

"I need the controller."  
I nod my head towards my desk next to the door, "Third draw down."  
"So...You finally got over Riku. That's good." He smiles before closing my door silently.

"Your brother must be a real pain in the ass, eh...?" Axel rises behind me.

**-x-**

"So...this is your place. Not bad..." I pick up photos off Sora's dresser and observe them. Sora pulls his sleeveless jacket over his white shirt.

"I'll be back. If you hear Donny, hide."  
He leaves and I continue looking through his stuff. His top dresser is cluttered with pictures of him, Kairi, Namine, Roxas and Hayner along with random little nick-nacks.

I lay back on his bed, hearing the growing sound of voices. I hear steps rushing towards the door and jump up.

Sora rushes back in the room, "Did you leave something outside last night?"

Hm.

Hmm...

Oh..._oh..._

"Yeah, my skateboard. Why?"

"Donny found it. A-And he's going to start checking rooms." He rubbed his hands nervously, spinning around in a circle as though he was trying to come up with ideas. I could hear his step dad stomping about downstairs, yelling obscenities loud and clear now. "..._Fuck." _He becomes stressed, tugging at his hair. He leaves for a second and comes back.

"Follow me."

We leave the safety of his room and enter Roxas' room.

"Roxas has a lock in here, so just hang out until you hear one of us knock."

Before Sora could say anymore, he hears his step dad walking up the stairs and darts out of the room.

_Holy shit...all over a skateboard?_

I hear Sora and his step dad talking, but I can't tell what they're saying.

I look around Roxas' room.

He's just as messy as Sora...maybe a little more. Clothes surround every inch of his floor except the three bubbles of space that surrounded his system and two bean bag chairs.

Kid needs a better fucking hobby.

Before I could snoop around in Roxas' more, I hear just what monster Sora's so afraid of.

"Who the fuck has been in my house Sora?" I hear his deep voice shout and it nearly shakes the structure.

"We're trying to tell you..." I can hear Roxas and Sora both talking at the same time.

"Roxas you got somethin' to do with this?"  
"To do with what?!"

I press my ear up against the wall and hear: "I'm gonna check your fucking room next. If anyone's in there I'm blowing their fucking heart out of their chest."

I hear shuffling and tiny knocks against the wall.

"Why is he freaking...?"

And then I remember what Sora told me:

_I'm...not allowed to have guys over._

A sign to get the fuck out of here? I think so.

….Where the fuck is the window?

I head across the room and open the window wide enough to crawl through. I look out and realize it's in the middle of the day. The chances of being seen by neighbors are high, but I have no choice. I look around for the garden ladder to climb down, but then realize I'm in Roxas' room.

_Shit...shiiiiiit..._

A bit panicky now that the reality of having my heart blown out of my chest is close. I look around for a way down, but hear sudden banging on the door.

_Not today, old fart._

I take a leap of faith out of the second story window and land on my back, _painfully._

"Agh...!"

No time to whine though, I've gotta get up. I sit up and realize that Sora's mom is staring at me through her backdoor. She slides the glass door open and grabs my hand, helping me up. Without letting go, she leads me inside again.

"I don't know what you're doing falling out of my sons window, but I'll get you out of this this one time if you promise me that you'll be a lil more careful and cover your tracks from now on, alright?"  
"As long as I get to keep my heart."  
"Did you leave anything?"  
"My board. And my shoes."  
"Your board..." She trails off and looks towards the front door. I look over and see what had become of it, an axed up mess.

"I can manage your shoes for you though!" Her eyes brighten and she jogs up the stairs. My heart is beating out of my chest and honestly, I just want to go home.

I see my shoes get thrown over the railings of the stairs and grab them before slipping out the front door.

**-x-**

I limp all the way home, certain that I had broken my back somehow. When I open the front door all I can smell is weed and stale alcohol. Hiro and Pence are smoking sure enough, and they seem like they have a lot of questions to ask me.

"_Oh leave me alone..._" I start, kicking my shoes off by the door..

"What happened?"  
"What the fuck happened to you, looks like someone choked you out."

"Did you guys fuck?"

They start laughing. I head up and sandwich in between them on the couch. They're watching some classic martial arts movies, the ones you can't help but laugh at.

They pass me the joint they're smoking and I take a drag, before helping myself to a cigarette in a pack on the coffee table.

Hiro takes a huge whiff of me, "I smell rejection. What's your tale you fucking loser?"  
I smile, "Fuck you, loser."  
"Ohhh, looks like you owe me Hiro. I knew he could do it."

"Always making me lose money, huh Ax..." Hiro leans against the arm of the couch.

"I can't believe you bitches have been betting on me." I snatch the cigarettes off the coffee table slyly and pull my phone out.

"Axel's got a boyfriend!" Pence sings out as I jog up the stairs and I can't help but smile.

I do.

**-x-**

Everyday of this month has been filled with kisses. I can't help but grow closer to Axel but it's...

When I wake up and look at the calender, I'm faced with the fact that I'm one day closer to leaving him.

But everyday I feel less depressed, like he's helping me make my big come back before I go.

Hiro's hosting a poker night at his place and the whole gang is going.

I'm laying back on Roxas' bed as he's packing his games in his backpack. "So, you thought of what you're gonna do when you leave?"  
"Yeah, I'm gonna hopefully get a job."  
"I mean with Axel."  
"Oh...not really, just taking the days as they come by."

"Word of the wise: Don't do long distance relationships. They fuck your whole mojo."  
"What do you know about mojo?"  
"I dated this girl I met online when I was fourteen. She was the _coolest_ chick I ever met, way cooler than Namine. But the long distance just wasn't working out. Missed calls, arguing over the phone...blech. Turned a beautiful thing into a pile a shit. Wouldn't have happened if we didn't live on two ends of the globe."  
"Cooler than Namine? I don't believe it, you'd drink Namine's bathwater..." I walk to his bathroom and stare at myself in the mirror, bored.

"I never thought you'd touch anyone other than Riku, yet there you are, sneaking Axel into your room every week. Donny nearly got some free target practice."

After the first incident of nearly being found out, Axel has been ten times more careful sneaking into my room.  
"...Good point."

"What do you guys do anyways? Slap penises or something? You know that's not how you lose your virginity, right? One of you's gotta take it up the butt."

"Hey!"

Roxas starts laughing.

"Sora, Roxas, your friends are here!"

Roxas throws his backpack over his shoulders and we're out the door.

"See you later mom."  
"Bye. Have fun and drive safe."  
"Okay."

"Wait!" We stop at the door way.  
"Roxas, I don't want to see you coming back here drunk, you understand?"

"Yeah yeah yeah I know what I'm doing..." He walks past me out the front door. Mom looks slightly irritated by his behavior, combing her hair repetitively with her small fingers.

"Don't worry, I'll take care of him."

She rolls her eyes, "Oh _please. _You can't take care of a drunk guy if you're drunk yourself, _guy._ Huh?" She stands up and ruffles my hair.

"You're eighteen now, but you're still a damn teenager. And _teenagers aren't allowed to drink. It's illegal._ So be careful with whatever you decide to do, and don't let your fucking brother drink. Love you. Go on, your friends are waiting." She kisses me on the cheek and I head out.

**-x-**

Hiro begins cutting the deck of cards as we all gathered in the dinning room.

"This should be good." Axel snickers, leaning back in his seat.

I want to ask what he means by that, but then Hiro speaks up.

""So, before we get into this, do any of you guys know how to play poker?" Hiro asks.  
"You don't know how to play poker?" Roxas asks.

"No, I thought one of you guys knew."

"I _kinda_ know the rules." Pence says.  
"Why would you call us over for poker night...if you didn't know how to play poker." Kairi pinches the bridge of her nose.

"I see now." I tell Axel. We start watching the seen unfold.

"Why the hell would you guys come over for poker night if you didn't know how to play!?"

Hiro starts to laugh maniacally.

"Hiro it's not funny!" Kairi slams her fist onto the table, shaking the soda in our plastic red cups.

Roxas starts tearing into the snacks, and Pence joins him a second later.

Kairi and Hiro begin to bicker and Namine stands up and hovers over him at the head of the table.

"Move." She pushes him from the chair and takes the cards, "Now I'm only gonna teach you suckers the rules once. I came here to win material possessions and clean house."

**-x-**

I can only focus on what Namine's saying every now and then.

All I can hear is Sora.

He's not saying anything, but he's calling me over.

Sora sits with the deck of cards in his hands, obviously confused and most likely bored by Namine's boring explanation.

"So, what am I supposed to do if I got nothing?" Hiro asks.

"You fold."

"...Fold?"

She leans back, sighing, "Lose."  
"I hate poker!" He flings a card straight at Namine's forehead.

"You asshole!" She erupts.  
"I'm taking the throne back." Hiro holds his nose high.

I turn to Sora, "Football?"

"Football."

We align our own cards under the tips of our fingers, and ensue in a football flicking contest.

His card flies over Pence's head, while mine lamely falls into Roxas' soda.

He grins, "Suck it, loser."

I glare, grabbing another card and flinging it oddly into Namine's eye.

"Shit I'm sor-"

"AXEL!" She _shrieks _as she drops her cards and holds her eye. I laugh out of fear.

**-x-**

After we got all of the sugar rush out we settled down and decided that a simple game of 21 would be better.

"Are you guys going to Castaway this year?"Kairi asks.  
"I'm going!" Hiro replies.

"Castaway?" I inquire.

"We go to the abandoned island and party." Namine says.

"That place..." Axel grumbles.

"You've been?"

The island Kairi talks about is the last of the Destiny Islands. Tsunami's kept making the smallest of the islands disappear, so Kairi's father (the mayor) ordered the last few hundred of residents to evacuate. The island hasn't been inhabited since.

Except for the last week of every summer, where everyone goes there and gets trashed. I haven't been, but Kairi and Namine never ceased to tell me the craziest of stories-even when I was straight-edge.

"It's only so much fun until you're hungover for the last half of the week. Then it's just shit."

"That's only because Axel doesn't know how to pace himself." Hiro snickers, placing his palms against the tables, "Axel just doesn't want to embarrass himself. "  
"Shut up."

"Alright then," Hiro pushes himself back on the dining chair, "We'll see in three weeks. Hope you can sit easy in the Mayor's yacht."

"The mayors yacht?" Pence and Roxas jump up.

"You guys go in the mayors yacht? Why didn't you tell me?" I ask her.

I want to ride the mayors yacht. I'm making this reality.

"It's not my dad's yacht! It's just an ordinary boat with rooms."

Axel scoffs, "Yeah, a _yacht_."

She sighs, "You guys want to come or not?"  
"Yeah I want to ride in a yacht!" Roxas shouts.

**-x-**

I stayed behind after everyone else-other than Roxas-went home to help Axel clean up. Roxas decided to wait in the car and pass out for a while instead of helping out, like a douche bag.

Cards were scattered on the white and silver checkered linoleum floor from when Hiro lost the last game of goldfish. Candy bags and soda layed half emptied on the wooden table. Axel brings in a large garbage bag and I start throwing cans and wrappers away.

I can't get the thought of Castaway out of my mind.

Or maybe the thought of riding in the Mayors yacht.

How did Kairi even convince her father to let her use it?

"Something on your mind?" Axel interrupts my trail of thought. He plants his hands on both sides of me on the table and smiles.

"Have you been to Castaway?"  
"Yeah." He says unenthusiastically.

"What really? What happened? When?"

He sighs,"Oh, you don't want to know."  
"Yeah I do!"

"Too bad," He sticks his tongue out and I take a bite.

"Ow!"

"Tell me!"

"Yeah, I went." He steals a kiss from me this time, pressing into my body until I was sitting on the table.

"I nearly died."

"From what?"  
He chuckles, "Tell you what, how about you make up your own experience when we get there?"  
"Why won't you tell me?"  
He sighs, "Me and my brother went there with a friend and did a bunch of drugs while he took care of us. The week was over and we came back home. There."  
He smiles and pushes himself off of me, continuing the dumping of half emptied soda cans.

"Well, you're gonna have to tell me more than that sooner or later..."I jump off the table and start picking up the cards. I see Axels shoes soon, and he extends his hand out. "Come on."

"What?"  
"It's not our mess anyways, Hiro's just a sore loser." I take his hand and we go out into the quiet living room. He pulls me down on him once we reach the couch and wraps his arms around my waist. I relax against his body.

"It was a nightmare." He admits.

"I went there with my brother and some kid I knew on a small boat. I got really sick on the ride over there, and by the time we got there I was passed out. When I woke up, Hiro shoved a bunch of booze and hash in my face, and from then on out I was wasted."

Axel closes his eyes slowly, "I woke up in a ditch with...ugh..." He shivers," Larxene, after the first night. I was pretty pissed, because I told Demyx that he could come if he'd be a good babysitter and he failed like an asshole in less than 48 hours. So for that whole week I was drunk, high, and I had to deal with this girl I actually wanted nothing to do with. By the time it was over I felt so fried out, like the guy you cross the street from just to avoid. Hiro wasn't any better. Hiro and I were so hung over we debated going to the hospital until our mom found out and made us deal with it at home. Third day at home, Larxene managed to find out where I lived, so, being the retarded stupid fuck I am, I said 'yeah I'll go out with you!' and dealt with her for, oh, I don't know, a good chunk of my life I could've used doing anything else. _Anything else._"

He lets out a huge sigh, "What a mistake..."

"I'd say so..." I let out.

He laughs  
"Well, this time'll be better." I offer up._ "You actually want to go there still?"_  
"Why not? It's my last summer here, I want to do _something."_

"You still wanna come?"

I wait for him.

"Fine, lets go hitch a ride on the Mayors yacht."

Yay!

Axel holds my face and kisses me again, his tongue seamlessly gliding across mine. I kiss him back, a bit shy of myself.

I don't know why.

He flips me on my back, embracing me more and more as he dives into me. His hands grip around my waist harder, and I can barely breath as I keep up. He takes a quick breath, smiling at me and I-I start to lose myself. His green eyes have stricken me.

I feel myself getting harder, and the air around me is just heated. I'm red, I know I am. But his lips, his eyes, his fiery presents engulfs me and it feels as though I'm...

He's gotten further with me than Riku ever has, at least on the physical aspect of sides.

Riku has embraced me, but I've never been under anyone like this...ever.

This is...a first.

And, I don't know whether I should be feeling guilty or not...

Then, it happens.

My hands...they start to burn and I can't shake the feeling...

I'm starting to panic.

"Axel..." I break our kisses. "What?"  
"My brother's waiting in the car for me..."I say. I see the disappointment in his face...

He doesn't know.

"Alright," He rests his forehead against my face, smiling, "You're so great."

**-x-**

"Call me when you get home, or else I'm gonna have to sneak over."

"Well, don't leave any tracks."  
We share a laugh.

It's the hottest month out of the year, eighty-two degrees outside at midnight. We can hear the ocean as usual, and the stars are out dancing in the skies tonight. Axel and I sit on the top of my trunk as Roxas is knocked out in the back seat.

I ask him, "You think Castaway is going to be fun?"

"We'll make it fun."

He holds my hand tight and we sit in silence, gazing down the quiet road.

He asks me, "What's going to happen after Castaway?"

"Well...I leave by the end of the first week of September. So...maybe I can just spend it with you..."

"Yeah." He answers immediately.

I meet his gaze, and it...it doesn't feel good.

I...

I don't want to be that far away from Axel.

I don't want to move at all.

I just want to stay here.

…_.Shit, I don't want to move..._

"Sora?"  
I wrap my arms around his shoulders and kiss him fearlessly.

I can't stop.

I...don't want us to end.

But...

_There it is again._

The burning...

The stinging...

I pull away and squeeze him tight.

"You okay, Sora?" He wraps his arms around me tight.

"Yeah..."  
He only squeezes me tighter.

-x-

There his car goes, leaving me in the dust yet again. Maybe a harsh way to describe it, but I just feel like shit right now.

After Sora's car is long gone I stand in the street, wishing I had a remote to control time.

Wouldn't that be great? To be able to have all the time in the world with you, Sora...?

I kick two small rocks before heading back inside again. I forget about the mess in the kitchen all together and head upstairs.

Hiro's in bed, eating ramen and checking out bitches on the t.v.

I close the door and lay on my bed, staring at the wooden boards above. "Sora go home?" Hiro asks.

"Yeah." I answer.

I take out my phone and start looking at pictures I took of him.

My favorite one of him at the beach, a close up of his stellar face. His big blue eyes peaking out of the wild that is his hair as he layed comfortably on the white sands. Bits of sand stuck to his wet face, only making him more flawless.

He's just so fucking cute.

I've masturbated a number of...

Well, let's say that number's _above_ twenty—twenty times I've masturbated to these photos.

….Since we took 'em...five days ago? _Yeah._

I know I know, where do I find the time? Well, when insomnia hits, it's the only thing that gets me to bed.

I can't even look at normal porn anymore, all I think of is Sora.

….So why not? He IS my boyfriend after all.

I sigh and flip over on my stomach.

I'm going to miss this kid.

I actually didn't look into what those feelings would _entail_, so to speak.

It's the opposite of butterflies in my stomach;It's like a bunch of hooligans throwing rocks at glass houses in my stomach.

Why does he have to go so soon? Why wasn't I smart enough to ask him out sooner? We're just getting started here, it's not fair.

So much lost time...

"My head hurts..." I groan, rubbing my throbbing temples.

"I'm surprised at how much you like Sora. Are you still going to see him after he moves?"

_Why do you have a voice box right now?_

"I don't know...I don't wanna think about it..."

**-x-**

I rush up the stairs and into my room.

_It's hot as hell in here..._

I slam the window wide open and turn on the small fan on my desk.

I text Axel I'm home and inform him of my upcoming shower.

"_Have fun, text me when your done :P."_

_Oh, it's much more complicated than that, my boy._

What he doesn't know...

Lock the door.

Turn on the radio.

Head to the shower.

Run back out to grab my inhaler, because I'm hyperventilating.

Head to the shower, turn the water on room temperature.

Look at a picture of Axel.

_Goddamn he's beautiful...Perfect._

The tip of my dick is soaked in pre-cum.

I'm biting my bottom lip, nearly drooling over his gorgeous, tatted face.

I don't know how long I stroke myself outside of my shorts, staring at multiple pictures of him before heading to the next phase.

I put my phone down and tear off my clothes. I immerse myself completely under the water before grabbing my bare dick. I place one hand against the wall and my hair under the lukewarm water.

As my hair began to fully soak my eyes fall shut. I hear the soft beat of my radio outside the bathroom, and focus on my breathing. I open my eyes slightly and see my olive skin just barely beating over my heart.

I feel so lightheaded.

This isn't usual, and this isn't me.

I...tend to hold back a lot.

I...have a schedule...of when I basically fuck myself.

But it's being tested...

And screwed with.

This is off schedule, off balance.

Once every three weeks. Five minute limit, that's it. _Maybe_ twice, if I'm feeling okay.

But Axel...

It's whenever we part ways like... like _that._

Whenever he just takes me...His wonderful wide grin of success when he knows he has me wrapped around his finger...

_I can't get the thought of you out of my head._

I start stroking myself slowly, rubbing the head of my dick with my thumb every now and then. As I pick up speed, I rest my forearm against the wall of my shower and lean against it.

I bite my bottom lip, trying to conceal my pants.

_Oh Axel..._

Thousands of fantasies fly through my mind, I'm losing track of time.

What he probably doesn't know, is that I'm just as much of a power top.

_Oh...you'd be surprised Axel..._

_...If I let you into my head._

I can't stop thinking of him and-and his body...how perfect it is. I imagine his lips around my throbbing cock, cumming deep within his throat as I pump into his mouth, my hands wrapped tightly around his hair...

I wonder if he can deep throat...

My dick tenses and I feel my cum rushing out of me at the thought of my head hitting the back of his throat.

"A-A-Axeeel..." I moan out, and instinctively cradle the head of my dick, catching as much of my seed as I could.

Without thinking, I bring it up to my mouth and swallow every drop.

I'm thick, and sticky. Slightly salty, slightly sweet.

A little bitter.

My heart rate drops, my breathing slows, and I can hear the beats of music and water drops again.

I am brought down to Earth again.

Brought down to the sick motherfucker I really am.

The last phase.

No time to waste, I turn the water up as high as I can stand it and start scrubbing every inch of my body with soap.

Scrub.

Rinse.

Repeat.

Scrub.

Rinse.

Repeat.

Scrub.

Rinse.

Repeat.

I begin to sob, but I bite my lip.

_Hold it in, you fucking pussy._

It's burns...it stings. I need it to stop.

Scrub.

Rinse.

Repeat.

Scrub.

Rinse.

Repeat.

Scrub.

Rinse.

Repeat.

The water isn't hot enough for me soon, so I turn it up until the dial reaches the end.

Damn, still not hot enough.

Scrub.

Rinse.

Repeat.

Scrub.

Rinse.

I'm out of body wash.

Rinse.

The waters cold now.

I push open my orange shower curtains and dry myself off. I brush my teeth and grab a tee shirt and boxers.

"_Done." _I text Axel as I settled into bed and turn the t.v on.

My phone rings, it's Axel.

I pick up.

"Missed ya there."

I smile, "I wasn't too long, was I?"

**I'm...broken.**

**...Infected.**

**...Ill.**


	12. Chapter 12

It's the last week of August, you know what that means?

Castaway, and after that a tearful farewell to Destiny altogether.

I don't even want to think of the moment I have to bid farewell to Axel.

I...

But I do. The thought comes and goes through my head every night and I wish I could shake the thought but I can't. The thought of the moment when I finally have to leave his side is gnawing at my mind.

Like tonight, the night before we head out to the island.

Roxas is snoozing on my floor, his foot twitching ever so slightly every five seconds. I

God, it's two thirty in the morning and all I can do is watch my brothers foot twitch like a weirdo while engaging in deep thought.

_Gaaaah..._

My room is illuminated by the dark title screen of a horror movie on the t.v. Roxas and I stayed up pretty late talking like we used to in the old days about boys, girls, and superheros. The blaring red numbers demands my attention from across the room after a while, at least after Roxas' foot stopped twitching. Boxes stayed packed away by the door of my bathroom, and everything I'm not taking with me is in my closet, ready to be packed away in Roxas' room for safekeeping and entertainment as he sees fit once I'm gone.

My room lays so bare, I feel like a kid again.

I can't believe I'm leaving.

Just like that, I'm gone.

No driving the usual twenty minutes to get to school with Roxas.

No gossiping at lunch with Kairi and Namine.

No heading to the old hangout to do competitions.

No Riku. Not ever...

No mom...

No Donny!

Yet, no Roxas...

Not until next year.

And...

No...

...Axel.

That last one doesn't feel real.

What do you mean no Axel? We're just starting to click.

_I mean, he's...my boyfriend._

I know...I know.

It can't be real.

_He...probably wants to break up with me..._

We haven't talked about it.

I see how this is a problem now.

I pick up my phone and text Axel.

"_Can't sleep."_

His reply wasn't far behind.

"_You too, huh? I'm feelin' sleep deprived at this point."_

"_What's...going to happen to us...?"_

"_What do you mean?"  
_

He calls me and I tell him to hold on for a second before going downstairs to the backyard.

"Hey." I lean up against the glass door.  
"What do you mean?"

I stare out into my empty back yard, looking out at the ocean to where my hangout is.

The moon is hanging over head, illuminating the view.

"I'm...afraid of what's going to happen to us."

"...Nothing has to happen."  
"But-"  
"-I don't want to hold you back, but I...don't want to leave you either. It's been bothering the fuck out of me and I...I don't care how far you are from me. I really don't care, I mean, as long as you don't. I like you a lot, and I'm willing to try if you are...I-I don't know what I'm saying anymore. Do you understand?" He sounds tired—almost asleep-yet genuine and I can't help but giggle at his raspy voice ramblings.

"Don't worry 'bout it anymore, I won't go anywhere if you don't."  
I breathe a sigh of relief, "Okay."

"Get your butt to bed, I'll be seeing you soon sweetheart."  
"Night."  
"Nighty night."

**-x-**

ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

I jump out of bed and grab the source of noise, gripped in Roxas' hand; a fucking air horn.

"What the fuck is your problem!" I scream at Roxas, who's already half dressed.

"I've been letting you sleep in! Time to go get dressed!" He laughs.

"Get out of my fucking room!"

"Okay but get ready!"

"GET OUT!" I open my door and push him into the hallway before locking my door.

I look at the clock and it's six thirty.

Fucking shit.

Guess I have been sleeping in...

Fuck if I care.

"Ugh..." I tear off my pajamas angrily and put on the clothes I left out for myself last night. I step into my shoes and throw my duffel bag over my back.

"Sora! You gonna hurry the fuck up or what!? We're waiting down here!"

"Roxas shut up!" I yell back pissed, heading into my bathroom.

I wash my face and brush my teeth, slipping the tooth brush in my bag afterward.

I dash down the stairs and look inside the fridge.

"Oh my god you slow cow lets goooooo!"

"If you fucking boys don't shut the fuck up and leave now you're never leavin'!" We here from the basement.

"We're leavin' we're leavin'! Sora, let's go." Roxas closes the front door. I skip food and head out to my car.

Axel's sitting on the trunk of my car smoking a cigarette while Hiro and Roxas converse on the inside. I head to the trunk of my car and give Axel a long kiss good morning.

He's just as tired and cranky as I am.

"I'm going to sleep inside the car..." He yawns, moving off of my trunk.

I throw our bags in the trunk and we're off.

**-x-**

"_Babe, wake up..."_

"In a second..."

"_You're being too easy on him, you gotta yank the comfort away. Like so."_

I feel the hard surface under me move and I catch myself right before I fall out of the front seat onto the pavement. I look up and notice Hiro smirking.

"See?" He looks over to Sora.

"You're a jerk."

I unfasten the seat belt and get out of the car. I see the boats on the dock bobbing up and down and my stomach begins to churn.

Boats.

I grab my bags from the trunk and wait with Sora while he locks his car up for the week. I start smoking a cigarette, looking down the line of boats that had gathered ashore.

_I wonder which monstrous machine I get to ride in..._

"You smoking those cancer sticks again, Ax?" I hear Sora call from the inside of his car.

I sigh, "Yes, dear."

"You know tongue can grow hair from it, right Ax?"

"I know, dear."

"Just you watch," We start walking towards the docks, "You're gonna grow some pretty little hairs on your tongue there and you'll never feel mine with it again."  
"Why call them pretty if you're not gonna love 'em?"

Boats were tied down all along the docks. Some were taking off and some were just returning. Kids lined up in front of the boats, joking around and getting ready for the time of their lives. Hiro and Roxas trudged on ahead, heading over to what I hope isn't our boat.

"Over here!" Kairi waves from the docks.

Jesus Christ...

My cigarette reaches the end and fizzles out on me.

We start on the old wet docks towards Kairi's sea cruiser and the knots in my stomach begin to tighten more and more.

Land disappeared beneath the dock soon, and it's just water.

Deep water.

"Ready for the time of your lives?"

I just laughed. I avoid eye contact with the vessel, turning my back to it completely after awhile to look at land as Sora and Kairi spoke to each other.

"Ready Axel?" Sora wraps his arm around mine.

"Come on, we're about to leave."

_Okay Axel, try not to come off as a complete bitch._

I walked up to the ship. Waters splashed below where the dock ended and the boat starts.

"You first, I want to be able to catch you if you pass out."  
"Oh hardy har har _you fucking pirate..._" I retort, jumping on the ship quickly and carefully. Kairi walks past us and tells us to follow her.

Once inside I take the closest seat available, clinging onto it for dear life. Sora notices my anxiety but everyone else ignores it.

"This is nice, geez Kairi didn't know your old man got payed so much just to sit around and do jack—ow!"

Hiro receives a stern smack across the cheek.

"We aren't on a stolen boat...right? You got permission to use it?"

"Of course I did! Daddy loves me enough to listen to my mom when she yells at him to give me what I want since I'm leaving for college."

We all just stare.

"What?"Kairi asks.

"Give the girl a break, guys." Namine laughs.

**-x-**

As the boat pushes off away from the shores, Axel only seems to be getting worse. His eyes stared off into nothingness and he turned pale.

I've never seen anyone get this seasick, and so fast too.

"I'm...going to throw up." He finally speaks after thirty minutes of silence.

"Kairi, where's the bathrooms?" I ask.  
"Down below."

"Are you kidding me? I have to submerge myself under this fucking death trap?"  
"Well, it's either that or you can throw up over board-outside."

He looks behind us and takes a gaze outside the large windows of the ship. Calm waters and a blue horizon is visible.

He stands up, "I'm going under..."

His movements are slow and sluggish towards the door that leads us below. I run up and open the door for him.

**-x-**

We walked into the closest door on our right. Inside contained two beds and a small desk with a lamp. To the left was a door that led to the bathroom.

For about thirty minutes I stared through the window of the ship while hearing Axel's brutal gurgling noises.

He told me to go and explore, but I didn't want to without him.

The ship rocked steadily with the waves.

I offered to help, but he instead locked the door on me.

"No one should have to see this, you're too nice. You wanna help, get me crackers or something," I recall him saying before a slight shove sent me out of the bathroom.

So I did, but the crackers and water have been sitting there since I got 'em.

"I think...I'm gonna die on this boat." I hear him say from the bathroom.

"You need some fresh air, come outside with me?" I lay back on the bed and suggest.

I hear him laugh, "Dead."

"Well, technically speaking, the last place you want to be in case of an emergency is on a boat is down below..."

His voice heightens, "Stop speaking."

"Don't you feel a little claustrophobic by now?"  
"...You lose some to win some, Sora. Can you hand me my toothbrush?"

I pull Axel's black bag from the floor onto my belly and start rummaging.

**-x-**

Here I am on a yacht and all I can do is puke into this fucking toilet and make my boyfriend stay with me out of fear for my safety and pity.

_Fancy._

For the hundredth time I flush the toilet. The room is spinning and I feel that horrible, hot sensation.

_I wish I had something...oh wait!_

I pulled out my wallet and there it falls out.

Two motion-sickness pills that I always keep in my wallet.

"Oh shit..."

FACEPALM.

"What?"  
"Found two motion sickness pills." I admit, grabbing the bottle of water to pop my pills.  
"Really? That's great! Now you can hang out with me!"

I pop the two pills and look through my wallet more with one hand as I brush my teeth with the other.

I finish up and dry my toothbrush.

I pick up my wallet again and old photos of me and Hiro fall out, and then the mother-load.

"What the fuck is this?!" I couldn't control my excitement.

It was the coke that Saix had gifted me a few months ago.

I searched my wallet six hundred times after fighting Riku and thought I had lost it.

"What? What is it!" I hear Sora's body pressing up against the door and he makes me smile a lil.

He's cute.

"Ah..." I pondered letting him in on my stash.

Would he approve?

...

Because I really don't feel like dumping a bunch of grade A coke from Costa Del Sol down the drain.

Would I even go that far?

For Sora...?

Ah, I don't think so. Can't go 'round sacrificing my stash for every person I wanted to get with.

That'd be retarded.

But I'll take a gamble.

I let him in the bathroom, "So what is it?"

He looks down and to my surprise, he immediately swoops up the bag. My heart starts beating and I lean against the wall, sticking my hands in my pocket and expecting the worse. Instead he inspects it, before popping open the bag.

"What are you doing?" I ask him nervously.

He smiles, "Why call me in here for something if I can't check it out? What is it? Is it sugar? Salt? Some of that other stuff the cool kids are doing nowadays?" He inspects it in the light. I've almost forgotten how naive Sora can really be sometimes.

He dips his finger and licks God knows how much of it before I could stop him, "Be careful! It's some powerful stuff..." I take the bag back from him and notice the large impression his finger left.

He sticks his tongue out, "I'd say so..."  
"It goes up your nose, sweetheart."  
"Yeesh, Axel that's crazy..."

I look at him.

He looks at me.

We start laughing.

I sense the want in his eyes and I'm only waiting now.

"...Can I try?"

I laugh,"You already took a huge taste, yeah, sure."

**-x-**

If I'm going to be part of the crowd, I might as well start before I get off the boat, right?

The taste was bitter but the numbing felt magnificent for some reason. I wanted more. I sit on the counter, watching Axel pour out some of the white crystalline powder next to me. He works fast and takes out a business card, rolling it up tightly. Next he takes a credit card of his and draws out two intimidating lines.

"You sure you want some of Satan's sugar?" He hands over the rolled up card.

"Pfff..." Is all I can muster up out of my fear before I swipe the handmade straw away. I stare down at the lines, scared shitless yet nowhere ready to back down.

I came here for a reason, and that is to get fucked up.

"...Correct." I say to my inner musings.

"What?"

"Just so we're on the right page, this isn't meth or anything...right?"  
Axel rolls his eyes, "Of course not Sora geez-"  
"-Okay, okay. Just makin' sure..."

I breathe out before leaning down and slowly sniff the line up.

Finishing up I feel a small kick and my nose begins to burn.

"Oww..._owwww!_ _Ugh..."  
_I shiver, "Horrible, that's just _awful._"

But it isn't horrible, my god...

He smiles, "Consider yourself luckier than the rest..."

He holds his long red hair back in his left hand before taking in his line.

I feel jumpy, as I begin bouncing in my shoes.

"Ugh!" I taste the coke goop drip down the back of my throat by surprise. He laughs, "I know, tastes like crud."

An unpleasant, horrible surprise none the less, but I'm giving it a shot.

**-x-**

"Ah..." I'm feeling great again. I let my hair go and stick the baggie of coke and straw in my pocket.

As we leave the bathroom, I feel in control again. Sora's facial muscle's are saying "fuck gravity" as his grin stays steady.

"Let's go!" He sits impatiently at the door of the room.

I throw my bag over my back and we're off.

We run into every single room we can find, twice.

Up to the deck, but I still felt weirded out about stepping outside so we resumed down below activity for a third time before finding the cockpit where Wakka and Tidus were manning the ship.

And man, do we fuck with them.

"Hey." I sneak up on Tidus' side.

"Sup." Sora blocks in Wakka.

"Oh here we go..."Tidus says.

"What's going on th manning deck Pirate Wakka?" Sora speaks gibberish and I follow his lead.

"Have we made contact with the gigantor whales? What's our status?"

"Don't you guys have anyone else to botha?" Wakka grunts.

"We're all captains in command here!"

"Affirmative." I back Sora's ground.

"Hey, if we used this radio thingy could we call all the other yachts over for a yacht party?"

"I'm the only captain in command here, for one! For two, hey what are you-"  
"-Two ten four this is King Sora any other party yachts in the vicinity?"

Wakka's jaw drops and he grabs the radio back from Sora, "What da hell are you on?! You know you could get us in trouble!?"

The radio crackles,"...WHOOOOOO! PARTY OVER HERE!"

"Hey it worked!" We start cracking up and even Tidus can't help but be entertained.

"For two! The radio is for emergency purposes only! Three!"

Wakka and Tidus nod in agreement to something, before pushing us aside and walking towards the door that leads out of the cockpit.

"Wait!" I nearly flip shit, not knowing how a boat really operates.

Tidus and Wakka smile at each other, "What is it, bradda?"

"What's the captain and the co-captain doing walking out on us. What if we go down?"  
"You two are pirates, you can figure out how to man a ship, especially before it hits _that."_

I look to the front where I see the approaching land mass that was originally called Amaya.

Castaway.

They start laughing and Sora winks at me and then scoffs, "_I can handle this._ Now, let's see which button to press first...I think the _mayor_ would like it if I pressed _this_ _big, red, butt-"_

"-Move! The mayors not gonna have my butt ova dis! Lu would kill me if I got fired over a couple of stupid kids!" Wakka takes us by the back of our shirts.

"Hey man what are ya doin'? This isn't cool!"  
"Yeah man, we know karate!" Sora laughs.

"Yeah you _wish."_ Tidus holds the door open and Wakka effectively throws us out before locking the door.

"Good thinking. Fucking pirates man. Karate?" We hear Tidus laughing beyond the door.

We look at each other as we sat on the floor and begin to laugh.

"It's a pirates life for me." Sora helps me up and we go out into the main room of the boat. Kairi and Pence are playing cards while Hiro snoozes.

Namine and Roxas are outside, talking amongst themselves.

"Hey Axel you're actually walking again." Pence notices.

"Yeah, found two motion-sickness pills in my wallet. Lucky me."

"...Mmm, _pussy_..." Hiro turns over on the small couch, pretending to sleep still.

-x-

The sun feels great against my skin, I wish I hadn't worn all black today though.

It's so _hot_.

We arrive at Amaya where Castaway has already kicked off. The old docks were filled with boats of all sizes and topless chicks laay upon the beaches tanning.

Water balloons are being thrown and music is playing everywhere.

Axel, Roxas, Hiro and I sat on top of our bags on the beach. We had one tent to pitch, and a crap ton of canned food inside of a small cooler along with a lot of pot and a few tall cans of beer.

"We should set up camp by the trees." Axel suggests.

"Why not here? In the nice open?" Hiro contests.

Axel rolls his eyes, "It's hot as hell right now, the last place I want to be pitching a fucking tent is under the sun near the fucking ocean. What happens if high tide hits us in our sleep?"  
"You're just saying that because you're afraid of the ocean, pussy!"  
"Call me pussy one more time-" Axel stands.  
"-Guys!" I stop them from fighting.

"I think, that we should probably stay by the woods." I admit.  
"I second that." Roxas says, wiping the sweat gathering on his forehead. Hiro rolls his eyes.

"It's just that it's really hot. Shade would be nice, and Axel brings up a good point about the tide."

"Pshh, whatever. You're just playing favorites."

We all stand up and pick up our bags. Axel smiles, tilting his head, "Of course he is. But you're also a little bitch afraid of the woods. Karma, Hiro."  
We start walking up the shore towards the grassy land. People buzzed about partying their hearts out.

"Am not!" He catches up to us. Axel starts to laugh, "Hiro's afraid of the woods because when we were little we went camping and my mom scared the shit out of us. It obviously stuck with him for the rest of his life though."  
"What she do?" Roxas asks.

"Nothing-"  
"-She left us alone in the middle of the night to go pee and Hiro started crying like a baby. 'Mommy's never coming back Axel waaaaaaaahhhhhhh'!"  
"Shut up!"

"Dude is that true Hiro? How old were you?"  
"He was nine."  
"That isn't the whole story! A possum was dying five feet away from our tent and I thought it was mom for the longest time! Axel thought it too! Don't lie asshole tell 'em!"  
"I thought she was just thizzing out like she used to whenever we'd go to bed. So, I guess I was afraid that she was having a bad trip or something."  
"You're a fucking liar, you told me she was dying by hand of big foot. She purposely put that possum there. What a skank." Hiro grumbles.

**-x-**

The woods are overflowing with people coming in and out. A few pets roamed around with their owners. I can hear parties from all around. We decided to set up camp under a large Douglas fir tree.

"Ah..." I touch the tree with my palms, looking up at it's greatness.

_It goes for miles..._

An over-exaggeration, I know. But they're tall none the less.

These trees are so uncommon on Destiny; you only see them when you make the great trek up the mountains over there.

But over here, they're everywhere. It's like the tree's around Twilight University, too.

I don't know, I like them.  
"See? It's at least five degrees cooler under here."

"Yeah, I guess you're right..."

"Hey guys." Namine climbs up the small hill over to our post, two brown paper bags in hand.

"Where's Kairi?" I ask heading over to the tent.

"She was talking to Wakka and Tidus before the left. She's coming now but she told me to only let you guys get a hold of ONE bottle. So here." Namine hands over one brown paper bag to me.

We all stock up into the tent. Roxas pulls out the plastic cups we brought and I pull the bottle out of the bag.

From there we start drinking until the bottle's all gone. Axel suggest we explore the woods and I agree. Roxas decides to stay behind with Namine. Since Hiro's so reluctant to even venture into the woods we delegate him with the responsibility of watching the tent and our food stash before setting out.

We walk for what seem like forever, jumping on stumps and making up random games along the way to where ever.

We come across a cliff and I look down, seeing the large beautiful body of water calling my name.

"Axel let's go swimming!"

He shrugs, "Let's go."

**-x-**

We find our way to the lake, but I didn't expect there to be so many...

Girls.

They sat off to the sides and on the rocks. Their chatter seemed to calm as soon as me and Axel arrived at the scene. He throws his bag off, looking back at me with a grin, "Ready?"  
I slightly shake my head.

He cocks a brow, "Whaddya mean? You just told me you wanted to go swimming."

I look down at my shoes, contemplating about getting down to my underwear. The lake looks refreshing though, I can't lie. Axel starts peeling his clothing off and I follow his lead. I strip down to my embarrassing red and black mouse ear briefs before hearing a wolf whistle coming from the crowd of girls just off to the left.

"I like it." Axel shouts from the water with a thumbs up.

"_Show us your penis...!"_ I hear a loud whisper from their group and blush as they start cackling loudly.

I rush into the water and take a dive before coming up for air.

Axel is circling me like a shark.

"So you do know how to swim." I flip the hair out of my eyes.

"Of course I do, the ocean scares me. Lakes always come to an end, I'm okay with this."

We swim for a while, doing flips and handstands and racing.

Girls stared at us like we were pieces of meat, I was afraid that they'd be the ones taking off with our clothing.

I was dead wrong.

I swim up from under the surface of the water and I notice that the girls are gone.

Great, what's even more awesome is that it looks like our clothes are still there.

What's bad is that I can't see Axel.

He's just gone.

Poof.

"Ax...? This isn't funny..."

Before I know it, I'm screaming out like a little girl who's just been pantsed underwater and I'm kicking as hard as I can. It works against me and like that, I am naked in a body of water.

Axel doesn't surface until he's next to the shore again.

"AXEL!" I yell at him, swimming towards the shore like mad.

"Sorry babe, couldn't help myself! These are so cute!" He stretches them out above his head.

I stand twenty feet away from the shore in the lake still, cupping my genitals as I face this uncomfortable situation.

"Ax, what are you doing?" I ask him quietly.

"I...don't know, actually. Maybe I'm taking this prank a little too far..." He says out loud before grabbing my pile of clothes along with his and walking away.

"Axel don't leave me here! Please!"

He's whistling like a bastard as he leaves me in my current state.

"Axel you piece of shit!" I yell out one last time before giving up.

"Shit..."  
I sink down into the water and turn away from the shore, focusing my gaze upon the mountain backdrop that surrounds the lake. The sun was slowly starting to sink back down to the horizon and I was starting to get cold and VERY angry.

_Fucking Axel you always have to be such a fucking asshole don't you you stupid mother-_

"Why hello there!"

I look over my shoulder slowly and see some random ass blonde guy standing at the shore, waving at me.

I cock a brow and he shifts his eyes for a second, "You, you're Sora right? Axel's boyfriend?"

"Yeah!" I quickly spin around in the water and swim up a bit close to the shore again.

"You seen him? Tell him when I get my hands on him I'm going to strangulate him!"

"Tell him that yourself, he sent me here with these. Told me to tell you to catch him if you can. Hold on..." He sets down a small guitar and opens his bag, rummaging through it.

"Who are you, anyways?"  
"Oh, I'm Demyx! But you can call me Dem, or Myx, or, um...Demyx," He shakes his head, "Yeah!"

He finally finds my boxer briefs and tosses them to me.

"I never thought Axel would ever have a boyfriend, but I'm glad he's not with the wicked witch of the west anymore."

"Larxene?"  
"The one and only ant queen."

We laugh and I climb out of the water.

I'm a bit blown away by how...well...uhm...cute, Axel's friend is.

He's wearing a pink dress shirt rolled up over his elbows over a white tee with cut off jeans. His eyes are hidden behind large, green framed sunglasses. He has two large black gauges, or at least that's what I think you call him. His hair fell as a lazy fohawk. Maybe he tried hard to style it, maybe he didn't try at all.

"Ax wants me to make sure you don't get lost, ready?"

"Yeah."  
"Groovy."

Despite my lack of clothing, I'm glad that I have something to go off of. We start walking back into the woods.

Something about him is so funky and exotic, I can't help but stare as he starts dancing around to the disco music that emits from his large headphones, his fingers pointing up into the sky as he bounced to the beat.

"You can't go wrong with Disco, always remember that."  
"Of course, seeing as though it's arguably the mother of techno."  
He grins, "I like you already."


End file.
